30 July 2002---12:50p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Buzzcocks "Singles Going Steady"
Well, it's officially offical: I caught the black death that all of you had over the past few weeks equipped with a horrifying cough, sore throat, headache, and undying grogginess. I don't even know why I am out of my comfortable and safe bed to write this unintelligent piece of junk. I think I am going to lock myself in my room for the rest of the day and put myself into a sickness induced coma. Fuck this shit, man. I'm surprised it took me this long to catch it but I've got to say this, it better be gone by Friday so I can FSSU with my crew at the pirate show.
Last night was just odd after a partially good ( tattoo with Meg-Dog) and partially bad (fight with EX) day. I was tense and took it out on a newly half-sleeved pirate, who only wanted to crush me with hugs and make sure I was OK. I ended up feeling like a jerk for BEING such a jerk, and apologized up and down. So the pirate and I kissed and made up over some beers, a Cuban cigar and a tape full of cartoons and all is good on the high seas once again for the pirate and his wench. I just realized that I know this is a good thing and I'm not going to let anyone's comments or implications ruin it for us. I should feel like a shmuck for even entertaining the idea that the pirate would do something shady to hurt me. I made a wise choice and I'm going to stick by it and make it work and I would like to thank Meg-Dog, Brett, and G.G. for drilling the fact that the pirate is nothing but good and I'm just being a dork into my head...you're right. You rock. Pirate rocks.
Pirate show...Friday...ARGH, MOTHERUCKER, ARGH.
29 July 2002---8:03p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Cramps "Flamejob"
I just fell asleep in the bathtub AGAIN and had a repeat perormance of Brett's favorite show, Sourpuss Gets Shampoo In Her Eyes and Goes MOTHERUCKING BALLISTIC, followed by the sequel, Sourpuss Can't See Very Well Now.
Who let's me take baths anyway??????
29 July 2002---6:47p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (still playing Reverand Horton Heat)
I forgot to mention that we are starting a new "Rat Pack". A neo-Rat Pack, if you will, because we are so "swanky", it only seems fitting. In order to be in this neo-Rat pack, you must be, as stated above, "swanky", as well as able to drink your weight in liquor and smoke...at all times...while looking stellar and being above everybody else, with exceptional musical taste and dance moves. Currently, members include:
Sourpuss Sinatra
Oh-So-Sexy Brett Martin
Brodie Davis Jr.
Switchblade Burle
Yes, we are aware that Milton Burle was NOT a member of the original Rat Pack, but upon showing Switchblade a poster of the 3 core members to said Rat Pack, he incorrectly identified Mr.Dean Martin as Mr.Burle...a sin, I know, yet still entertaining. So we are amending the neo-Rat Pack to include other "swanky" and "stellar" folks.
ALL HAIL THE NEO-RAT PACK, BABY. GET YOUR MARTINIS OUT.
29 July 2002---6:24p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Reverand Horton Heat "Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em"
Meg-Dog is officially one tattooed girl and part of the Kent/Cleveland Boobie Hula Girls From Mars and Motherfucking Skeevy Bastard From Hell Tattoo Club, thanks to none other than the pirate. Tattooed Meg-Dog and Tattoo-doing pirate, WE SALUTE YOU. He gave her the "friend price" and did a fabulous job on an adorable mini-minotaur (I told Meg to get a big womping one but she's much delicate than me, I guess. I'm a beast). She is "officially obsessed" with it and she should be. The minotaur is crying...he is crying for may reason including: kids picked on him for his acne and lumpy head, and he forgot to take his Prozac. Sad, sad minotaur. Happy, happy Meg-Dog.
I...also being SAD as well as MAD, unfortunately had a run-in with the EX outside the shop, which just made my bad mood WORSE (I woke up in a great mood, which slowly but surely declined into a mood cloaked in the shroud of death). Now I am just hissing left and right and when I returned to the tattoo parlor after angry talk and hand gestures on the street, the pirate asked how it went, being a very concerned boy-friend-type-person, and I said, Oh, great. Yelling at people on the street is my favorite thing to do, to which a guy giving a tattoo to the pirate tossed in, Really? I like skateboarding. I was only slightly entertained by this, but entertained nonetheless. The talk on the street became yelling on the phone so I'm pretty sure I may never see the EX again...but then again, wonders never cease (and GOD DAMN IT, they SHOULD. CEASE, WONDERS, CEASE).
Last night, after I saw "Eight Legged Freaks with the pirate, I got a push-pin stuck in my foot. I mean, not only did it STICK ME in the foot, but it literally GOT STUCK and would not come out. So there I was with a push-pin (did I mention that it had a stuffed ghost with the words "Boo Boo" tattooed on it's chest attached to it??"??) in my foot, in agony. I am jinxed I tell ya...but watching tapes of Space Ghost, Brak Show, and Sea Lab made it better, even if I do have a bruise and a hole on the bottom of my foot. I whine.
And speaking of whinning, Switchblade is blaming me and BBBrett for getting him sick. Pffffft, that's what I say. Only wimps get sick...unless you;re sick and puke and then you're hardcore. I hope I see some of you hardcore fools at the show on Friday. Come one, come all, and see Meg-Dogs hardcore tattoo. YEE-MOTHERFUCKING-HAW.
28 July 2002---2:48p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Slumber Or Die: Volume 4
I forgot the most important thing that I wanted to say about the First Annual Slumber Party Massacre and that is this: THANK YOU SO MOTHERFUCKING MUCH BRODIE AND PIRATE. If it wasn't for pirate, we wouldn't have had any of the super-duper cool stuff to enhance the spooky flavor of the festivities, such as the incredible pumpkin cooler, the colored lightbulbs, the bugs and rats, the spiderwebs, and Meg-Dog would have been tiara-less. And if it wasn't for Brodie helping me do everything under the sun to prepare and tear down, well, I don't think there would have been a party at all. Hell, the fact that he blew up that cooler alone makes him the neatest person I know. I really couldn't have done it without Brodie and I don't think it would have been as cool without the pirate. So THANX GUYS...You're FUCKING AMAZING.
And thanx to BBBrett for being born.
28 July 2002---1:39p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Slumber Or Die: Volume 2
Some of us rocked like rock stars...and some of us slumbered. I am glad to report that BBBrett was, in fact, the first to die, or rather, puke and pass out...by 10:40. Everyone was there so you know what happened, but here's basic run down of the highlights:
Highlights of the First Annual SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE
G.G. doing my dishes
Brodie vacuuming my stairs
My fucking beautiful hat
The pumpkin cooler
Brodie's devilock and Danzig robe
Switchblade...pantyhose
Me mourning over BBBrett's tombstone
Meg-Dog's bouffant 'do DENNIS A. MURDER (and his umbrella drink)
Backyard wrestling with Brodie and Bobby
G.G. molesting me
BBBrett being the first to die, so to speak VANILLA SCENTED FOG MACHINE
Airplane rides gone wrong
Meg-Dog and the "chair incident"
Pirate raping in my yard
Exposing a passed out BBBrett to our depravity and capturing it on film
There really was so much more, but I am still recovering and need a shower and sustainance. I don't think I am going to leave my couch today. Switchblade says I should try and top it all next weekend but I'm sorry...I think teh First Annual Slumber Party Massacre may have been the tops to what I can do as a creative party planner. Everyone who hasn't already seen the photographic outcome of last night's fiesta of death can check them out care of Meg-Dog when she gets a chance to post them. I'm sorry that there are a lot of ass shots. I'm sorry that I'm wearing hot pink flowered undies. I am not sorry that I took part in pretending to screw BBBrett in a very uncomfortable place OR that I tried to give airplane rides OR I made Brodie fall down the stairs 4 times. I regret nothing. I rocked...and I slumbered, motherfuckers.
26 July 2002---6:00p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (once again playing Eddie Cochran)
25 hours until you will all slumber or die. Speaking of violent deaths... People I Would Like To MURDER In Their Sleep With My Bare Hands (a growing list)
1. Brodie Armstrong
2. Kathleen Hannah
3. Tatum O'Neil
If I already put this list once before and you mention it, you will be the first to be slaughtered, motherfucker.
26 July 2002---9:27a MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Eddie Cochran "Somethin' Else: The Fine Lookin' Hits Of..."
Supposedly, according to a doctor (or so the pirate claims), orgasms make hangover headaches go away.
I might as well just start this off by saying that a few hours AFTER I put my foot through my wall in a combination of anger and rage, (and cried in front of the pirate which is never good...not just the crying, the pirate part, too, because pirates are cool. He did tell me a funny pirate joke trying to cheer me up: What is a pirate's favorite length of measurement? A yARRRRRRRRRd. It was told in a very menacing pirate accent) the money owed to me was delivered to my mailbox...though the bag of belongings I left is still here. Why do boys insist on always leaving something behind? Do they think it becomes a standing invitation to call and whine about getting back the things that they're never really going to come and get because then they'd have nothing to bug you for???
Last night, I drank too fast, this is just a fact. I didn't think I was going to make it through the night but THANK GOD I DID because Kill The Hippies helped us celebrate Oh-So-Sexy Martin's birthday (that would be BBBrett, incognito) in a very stylish and sexy way: by making him sit on stage as they sang "I Wanna Fuck You Up the Ass". It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw...except for when, true to his word, the pirate pointed at me with his drumstick during a song (I got wet like a 13 year old girl at a Brittney Spears show...that's right, I said GIRL) and they played "ARGH, MOTHERFUCKER, ARGH", upon which Brodie and I rocked out and we all collectively FUCKED SOME SHIT UP. I was covered in beer and sweat when I finally left that place...I think I was carried out, actually. By whom, you may ask? I'm not sure. Murph, maybe. Maybe it was Brodie, taking advantage of an opportunity to put his hands close to my ass. I don't know. All I know is that I like pirates and they like me. Where do pirates get their taxes done? H and ARRRRRRRRRR Block.
Tomorrow...I envision fog, candle light, darkness, AND DEATH...at the First Annual SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE. I have to admit that I was really excited when we started to plan all of this, then I was no longer excited and blah about it, but THEN Meg-Dog told me about her fabulous costume idea so I was totally pumped, but then my EX was being a fuck-wad so I wanted to call the whole thing off but today...I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT, YOU MOTHERFUCKING SKEEVY BASTARDS FROM HELL (that is the sister corporation to The Boobie Hula Girls From Mars). I still don't know where to get a keg. I'm going to have to get someone to make phone calls because we all know that I don't call people.
I do, however, call and hang up on them.
24 July 2002---1:39p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (still playing Songs to FSSU To: Vol.1)
Info. On WRUW's Annual Studio-A-Rama---8/3/02 2:00p
Guided By Voices headlining (performing 10:00pm)
Viva Caramel
All That Is Evil
Somnus
Fast Mattress
Soulless
Crash of '59
Dirty Bottom Boys
Bomb Builder
Mather Memorial Courtyard (behind the radio station) at
the corner of Ford and Bellflower, one block north of the intersection of Euclid & Mayfield Rd. and one block east of the Cleveland Museum of Art.
Free and open to the public.
24 July 2002---1:18p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Songs to FSSU To: Vol.1
I am at this very moment taking the "Are You Dateable?" test from our friends at The Spark . I want to know exactly how the rest of my life is going to shape up date-wise, since I believe The Spark to be all-knowing and base all my qualities on it's facts being actual truths. Afterall, I am 37 percent biotch. I want it to be known that when asked if I would go on a reality dating show, I did not select Yes, take me, a starry-eyed moron, to your vacant lot of empty dreams as an answer, despite popular belief.
However, when asked where I like to meet people, I did choose At the pool (there's nothing that puts me in the mood like a lack of clothing, chlorine, and no running).
I am 79 percent datebale. Attractive and confident, witty and charming, a healthy ambrosia-based diet... you're wanted in the 48 contiguous states, you slayer. Call me. Seduce me. Make me a man (or woman.) Not only do you know how to turn a guy's (or girl's) engines on, but you also know how to oil, lube and rotate it. You put the "elation" back into "relationship," and the "night" back into "one-night stand."
After securing the ever fabled fog machine, I am having dinner with Meg-Dog. I like dinner. I like Meg-Dog. I am going to make love to the fog machine that the pirate can get "scents" for...Meg-Dog wants berry-scented fog. I want to get lost in the fog an accidentally stab someone...like BBBrett, because it's his party.
Pirate show tomorrow.
23 July 2002---3:53p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: A Wedding Story
I am watching a Wedding Story which always reinstills in me teh fact that I do not now, nor will I ever, want to get married and make a fool out of myself. However, next year, if I go to Las Vegas with pirate to see all the Rockabilly bands in the casinos (I forget if it has a specific name...it's one of those weekender deals), I will marry him in an Elvis-themed chapel and them immediately go through one of those "Drive-Thru Annulment" deals. I just want some free champagne and 1.99 buffets.
This afternoon, nurse Brodie called to remind me that I MUST take my "killer pills' before 9:00 tonight so I can: 1. Get rid of this allergy/infection thing that is attacking me 2. Stop taking the numbing pills that turn my urine orange and 3. Drink at the pirate show on Thursday (I have to take th epills 48 hours before my next drink. Speaking of the pirate show...
...I should remind you all that The Pirates Who Carve OUt Your Eyes and Piss In Your Eye Sockets (ARGH, MOTHERFUCKER! ARGH!!!!) will be playing THIS THURSDAY at the Avenue here in Kent. I believe they are playing with Lester (DOGGIE!!!), Sexual Tension (MOOOOOOVE OVER!), Kill the Kippies (MY PUSSY'S GONNA MAKE YOU HOT! MY COCK IS GONNA DRIVE YOU CRAZY!) and some other foolish band (???). So basically, it's like being at the Mantis...only cleaner, with a bar and a bathroom. Pirate claims he is going to drum a la Rikki Rocket and hit the drums and then point at me with the drum stick. I will pee my pants...in public. I really hope that Lester plays the song about the skateboard with lights on it. That was a fun song. I hope some of you will be in attendance because it will be a good time.
Have I ever mentioned that I hate "Halloween" by the Misfits? Yet, if I am too lazy to turn it off, I will sing it loudly in my car.
I did G.G.'s laundry so in turn, she must do my dishes pre-Slumber Party Massacre. I had to throw one of Murph's pair of boxer shorts in the trash because A LEG actually FELL OFF in the dryer. I'd say that's a sign it's time for new undies.
If you think my EX came through with my money today as he promised, you are sadly mistaken, unlike me who was just as disappointed as I planned to be.
22 July 2002---7:19p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Kill The Hippies "Spazms In the New Age"
Why is it that when bad shit starts happening, it comes in these huge doses? I swear, if it weren't for the party on Saturday involving all my friends and tons of strangers, I think I'd tie the rope that I'm at the end of into a noose and slip it over my head.
The Latest Bad Day In a Long Line of Bad Days
First, I woke up late for school and was all groggy about it, so maybe that set my mood for the day...that and the mothertrucking heat. My throat was so dry when I woke up because I basically made love to my fan all night.
Then I had to drive all the way to Cleveland to get alternate funding for groceries due to that unfortunate situation at Tops on Saturday (which I left out of here because I really don't want to be reminded of the gorey details forever). The drive back began with a hideous thunder/lightening storm that forced me to sit in my car, in a parking lot for an eternity as my eye-site is shady and I couldn't see anything...even the cop car I almost smashed into at a wopping 25 miles an hour.
I try to start my car, because I finished an ENTIRE MAGAZINE cover-to-cover, and the rain had cleared up. No go. My battery was all fucked from hydroplaning and whatever the fuck else. So again, I had to sit in the parking lot for an eternity until FINALLY, some higher power let my fucking car start and I high-tailed it home...very hungry, dirty, tired, and angry.
So I get home and I'm supposed to do G.G.'s laundry as a trade off for her doing my dishes. But god damn, I am so dirty and exhausted, so I leave a message on her voice mail that it will all be done tomorrow. I stop by her house to pick up some clothes I had there and her fucking stupid dog (sorry G.G., it's been a rough day) runs out the door. So for 15 minutes, I'm chasing this brainless flea bag around her complex, about to give up and go lay in the middle of the road. I caught him and I went off...then I walked her other dog hoping the one that ran away would get mad.
Could it get worse? Yes it could. I decided to take a bath to help me relax before I ate something and I must have fallen asleep with shampoo in my hair (I've been falling asleep in the tub a lot lately) so once I slipped into the water, I shot straight up and awake, but shampoo was dripping into my eyes and I was SCREAMING MY FUCKING HEAD OFF. Now my left eye is swollen and my vision is funny which is just what I fucking need.
In lighter news, the show last night was great (Nowhere Squares rocked and covered "Cherry Bomb"...sorry Brodie) and Switchblade rocked like a trooper (and worked on 3 hours of sleep). I talked to Meg-Dog this morning about her trip and her evening which eased my mind a little about her being mad at me. She won't let me buy her beer for the party though which makes me sad (with all the bad things that have been happening lately, I think she should just let me in order to make me happier). I also stopped at the grocery store in order to get food and liquor...lots of liquor...a BIG bottle of vodka (for jello shots, spiking the watermelon, shots) a bottle of raspberry vodka, a bottle of vanilla vodka, a bottle of Fire and Ice, a bottle of Parrot Bay Coconut Rum, and a bottle of Amaretto. So yeah...good times. Also, in VERY GOOD NEWS, little Parker has returned home to her Daddy. We were all worried, I'm sure, and now we're all glad.
Someone please tell me how to make my life better and get out of this funk. I will listen. The SPM will help on Saturday...that is if ALL of my friends are there. Support in numbers.
21 July 2002---11:46a MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Songs To FSSU To: Vol.1
HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY BBBRETT. Yes, it's true. I traumatized poor BBBrett last night by promptly announcing It's 20 minutes until your BIRTHDAY and so on and so forth until it was midnight and I mumified him in a whole roll of lime green streamers. I was most entertained when he said Are you going to be like this when we live together? Yes, BBBrett, yes I am.
Meg-Dog saw the Breeders last night. I did not see them. They played "Hellbound" and now she can die. I hope they did not play anything I wanted to hear because that would be upsetting...I missed them twice and will probably never see them.
On a nicer and less pitiful note, Switchblade made me a mix CD that features The Amps' version of "Full On Idle". Unfortunately, it also features a song by the motherfucking Sigh-Offs. And I thought he knew and loved me. Fucker.
Friday at the Mantis...well, there's not much to say. Sexual Tension: rocked (especially with their cover of "Need You Tonight" by INXS). Kill The Hippies: knocked my socks off. The 3 punk bands that played inbetween: I think they might have been the same band and they all sucked my ass. The best part was that Brodie and I finally settled on e theme for out band: plastic surgury, and we will aptly be called "Plastic Surgury A Go-Go". We already wrote 3, count 'em, 3 songs including "Tools", "Liposuction" and "Facelift". I am going to dress as a nurse and he will be a doctor. I think we should include zombies since that is what people who get plastic surgury are.
I need to find out where to get a keg for the Slumber Party Massacre, which is less than a week away. Fuck yeah, that's what I say. ( I didn't mean to rhyme but it works).
Andy "Axl Rose" Campbell came to my house last night. Pirate claims I was more happy to see Andy then I ever am to see him. It may be true.
19 July 2002---5:57p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Bad Religion "Recipe For Hate"
You know, first I learn that Paul Cox WAS but is no longer a rockstar, then it comes to my attention that he doesn't own, let alone rock out on, a Hollow Body, and now, the icing on the cake: Wheels in the Sky, Paul Cox? Come on now. We could have been so in love. Sigh...another one bites the dust.
Drag...well, I've read Catcher In the Rye and I was just listening to "Recipe for Hate" about three days ago. How's about you give me another chance? - Paul Cox
In other news, Switchblade is having bathroom issues so he is going to be absent from the Mantis tonight (but will hopefully make a swift and clean recovery), and my urine is orange...the exact color of an orange popsicle. I forgot this was a side-effect of one of my meds and I almost screamed upon discovering it.
My tattoo itches.
19 July 2002---2:33p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: That Dog "s/t"
If anyone is in the area of either Great Northern or South Park Mall, you can feel free to get me a milk chocolate scalloped shell from Godiva. Yes, they are almost 2.00, but I bet having one would make me less likely to try and kill myself. It's just a thought. I should probably stop recycling the mopey songs on this CD, too. That can't be helping.
19 July 2002---1:15p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: That Dog "Totally Crushed Out"
Now that I know Paul Cox is on my side, I'm going to start a whole coalition of people who want it to be known that Journey is NOT Foreigner and that Journey is by far a more supreme band. Anyone can join if they have these particular beliefs, unless their favorite Journey song is "Wheels In The Sky", then they must start their own "We Support Journey, the Band that is NOT Foreigner and Reigns Supremely Over Them" club.
Argh, really?! "Wheel in the Sky" has always been one of my favorite Journey toons. Can we put our differences aside and unite in Journey fandom nonetheless? I can sing "Separate Ways" or "Any Way You Want It" and be just as spiritually fulfilled. - Paul Cox
I do NOT have a bladder infection. I do NOT have a yeast inection. I do NOT have Chlamydia (thank GOD). I am NOT allergic to latex. What it comes down to is that I basically have a vagina that hates me...and it has chosen to be irritated. Luckily, I got my yearly "downstairs exam" out of the way, and the doctor gave me some pills to pretty much numb my bladder and "downstairs area" so I don't feel the tingle usually associated with bladder inections. I took one and boy, they work, THANK FUCKING GOD. I am really NOT looking forward to taking these OTHER pills that my doctor just gave me which will actually make the irritation go away rather than just make me oblivious. I have to take 4 pills at once with a LARGE MEAL (when do I ever have LARGE MEALS?) 24 hours after my last alcoholic beverages and 48 hours before I plan on having another one. These pills will make me hot, flushed, and very nautious for a whole day, and I may even toss my cookies. Fucking drugs.
Speaking of tossing cookies, Switchblade is trying to play the "I may be too sick to hang out eventhough I was all excited to FSSU" card, which I think is just downright SHIT. I got my sister to indirectly send him a message and now he just wants to lay around in his jammies and probably have his Mommy wait on him hand and foot. PFFFFT. I'm missing the Breeders, out 20.00, first thing this morning a WOMAN probed my VAGINA, and now I have a quiet little infection destroying my Uterus and you don't hear ME complaining. I told him just to make himself throw up and get over it. I wanna pass notes with you and toss my cookies in the boy's room...
19 July 2002---10:03a MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Tiger Army "s/t"
My dude Brodie offered yesterday to take Don Gato, which was really sweet but I would never put that burden on anyone...except my EX, who can handle his pee issues (the cat's issues, that is). Still, it was really sweet for him to offer and he is a good pal.
Pirate likes to refer to Journey and Foreigner as the same band and likes to make fun of me and people like me who say that Journey rocks and Foreigner is only a mediocre band. According to him they are one and the same, and he is wrong.
Pirate has made a grievous error in regards to Journey. - Paul Cox
I have to go to what Ozzy Osbourne likes to call "The Vagina Doctor" and I am not happy about it. There is nothing more embarrassing that having someone ask you a bunch of personal questions a laHow many people have you slept with? Have you ever gotten any back-door action? and then poke around "down below". But I can not handle these Bladder Infection-esque symptoms for one more SECOND, as once again, I am sitting on my foot. I should have gone last week but I am retarded, as you all know...and I an no longer use beer as my remedy or I am going to put ona ton of beer weight...and I have to reserve that for actual beer consumption for intoxicating purposes. ARGH.
I can not stop listening to "20 Flight Rock" by Eddie Cochran though it is teh Tiger Army version. I should have snatched pirate's Eddie Cochran tunes before he left. I could use some variety of the same song.
So I walked one, two flight, three flight, four...five, six, seven flight, eight flight, more. Up on the twelfth I started to drag. Fifteenth floor I'm a-ready to sag. Get to the top, I'm too tired to rock.
18 July 2002---8:35p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The IM chime from Switchblade
If I had a record player, I'd be rocking out to the BTO record that Scary Larry let me "buy" with my five finger discount from the Salvation Army. I should probably feel bad about that, but I don't, and I didn't feel bad when he let me "buy" the Tom Jones records a few weeks ago either. Switchblade called me a "freakazoid", I believe it was, for even having it but dude, it's vinyl. VINYL BTO. Now I really will be Takin' Care of Business EVERYDAY. I should have gotten the Foreigner record I wanted too. I'm sure it will still be there when I go back.
Brodie and I listened to a CD of some local metal band staring Al from Green Light Go (which makes me think of OKGO, How About No, A1000XNo...and so on) that I probably should have hated, but I didn't. The first song scared the pants off me when it kicked in so I probably shouldn't listen to the devil's music so loud. While at Brodie's, Bob the Roomie and I had a discussion about my top hated foods and I even TRIED to eat a little pizza because I was starving (the wonderful hot dogs Miss Kinney made me had worn off)...I couldn't get the pizza down. I did say that if Bob wanted to mix pretzles, a pineapple, and some peanut butter in a blender, I'd try it. But if I puke, I puke on him. I WANT TO PUKE...ON YOU.
Switchblade is trying to steal my sister from her husband.
18 July 2002---1:33p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Dead Kennedys "Bedtime For Democracy"
I woke up this morning feeling slightly positive and bright. I was thrilled to see a sleeping pirate next to me (especially since last night, I had a dream that my crew and I were at the Mantis where pirate and his EX were having a very public fight, including her screaming If you love her so much, why don't you tell her the truth about what happened last week? as I sat with my usual blank and unaware look on my face. I looked at him as he tried to shut her up and questioned what was going on, only to learn he had slept with her again. He tried to deny it and I punched him in the face, before bursting into tears as Switchblade and Brodie held me back from physically annihilating him. Pirate was screaming how much he loved me and how it was a mistake and BBBrett held him back, and with the most anger I've ever seen in one person's eyes, he said If you ever come near her again, I will personally fucking kill you. Got that champ? Then I woke up, of course and none of that had happened...I don't think).
Anyway, I was happy for about 15 seconds and it all melted away, as I am now suffering from what pirate suffered from last week when he wigged on me: I am concerned about him hurting me and having my heart ripped out of my chest and splattered on the hot Ohio pavement. Pass the paranoia, yo. I'm just all freaking that I'm more into him than he is to me...and I have heard it said that It is always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love them (even if I did hear it on Sex and the City). Good for him, bad for me. I'm sure that whole philosophy sucks ass anyway. Now that's just one more effed up thing I have to deal with. I made him promise me today that if he ever felt the need to cheat on me, he should tell me and preferably do it BEFORE any skanky activity ensues. He asured me that if he was unhappy with me and felt the need to cheat, he would break up with me. I think I've heard these own words come out of my mouth at other times. Bah, I'm still not even sure if we're boyfriend/girlfriend, and yes, I am 23 years old.
I have a knot in my chest that needs to be cried out. I really hate myself today. I'll get over it, I always do, and I'm hoping Miss Kinney will have words of wisdom for me.
Women I Would Love To Bitch Slap (a growing list)
1. Kathleen Hannah
2. Brodie Armstrong
3. Tatum O'Neil
17 July 2002---1:16p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Teen Idols "s/t"
Bad mood risin'...it's still burrowed in my chest, throat, and in my eye sockets and is swelling by the minutes. I had a temporary relapse into good mood territory last night with the pirate (especially when I learned that they are FINALLY playing a show at the Avenue next week...ARGH), but I woke up a sullen and cranky bitch as this school thing is just never going to work itself out and is affecting my sleep patterns. I should have never enrolled or dropped out long ago. I have a heavy head right now but no ones going to udnerstand this...except maybe G.G. or my Mom, both of whom I've been openly weaping to for two days.
It other school news, I started Archeology today, which is not to be confused with Architecture (pirate always talks about my "architecture class" and I have to remind him, It's archeology, where they dig up old bones. He insists It's architecture, where they dig up the remains of old houses).My professor is nuts and is a cross between Micheal Caine and a slightly less German Hitler. I love him however as he curses like a beast, with every word being a derivitive of fuck, shit, or damn. For example, I don't give a damn about the final or If you get a bad sample then your results will be fucked up. It wasn't enough to make me happy...I was miserable from the second I walked in, especially since moments afterwards, BBBrett's beloved pen EXPLODED all over me, refusing to be washed away so I look like I've been wrestling with newspaper. Fucking pen.
I hate disappointing, upsetting, angering, or fuckign shit up for (not to be confused with plain old "fucking shit up", which I adore) anybody I know, which I seem to be doing left and right. Nothing I do seems to work out and I upset everyone I know in one fashion or another. I really should just become a hermit and put everyone out of the misery of bieng involved with me. This isn't a cry for sympathy or pity...I just feel like a shitty human and it must run it's course.
Possible Choices For the Definitive 5 Favorite Songs List (subject to change)
1. All Day and All Night The Kinks
2. My One Desire The Stray Cats
16 July 2002---7:00p MUSI CTO BLOG BY: (still playing Ignite)
Miss Kinney just left me a voice mail letting me know that Willie Nelson is coming to concert and wondered if I wanted to go see him with her. We could get tickets, make it a big beer drinking night.... I don't know if she was trying to make a joke (as I don't really think she likes Willie Nelson and I KNOW she doesn't like beer) or trying to make an attempt to get into the kind of music I've been listening to more lately...though Willie Nelson is not quite Johnny Cash.
Either way, it was a little bizarre. I will pass on Willie Nelson, as I am becoming a hermit.
16 July 2002---6:46p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Ignite "A Place Called Home"
Do you know what it's like to just toatlly freak out beyond recognition and have absolutly no control over tears, sobbing, coughing...that kind of jazz? I do. I just suffered from it and followed it up with a tall dose of 5 cigarettes and a two hour nap. I don't feel any better. In fact, I feel mentally weaker and angrier and more indecisive than I have about anything. This fucking rots and to top it all off, I am sweaty as all Hell and have to shower. I'll probably freak out and cry in there, too, but at least you won't be able to see it.
Don Gato is once again leaving the nest and it just makes me feel like fucking shit that I can't give him a home. But something is up when he just randomly uses carpetting or bedding as a litterbox. I worked hard to erase as much cat smell as I could from this place...with the exception of when I run out of litter...and I can't have a reoccurring nightmare. His "Dad" is coming to get him when he returns from tour. I will no doubt cry for days...just like last time.
Speaking of the EX, I got a nasty phone message regarding money. Supposedly some for the credit card will be here within days. I'll believe it when I feel the fiber of the fabric.
I wish I was still asleep, though I hope I don't fall asleep in the bathtub.
16 July 2002---2:43p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (still playing Tiger Army)
I have to say that Brodie's most recent blog entry might have been one of the fucking funniest things I have EVER read for the following reasons:
---He refers to Dennis A. Bell as "Dennis A. Murder"
---After telling a story about Dennis A. Murder trying to buy him a beer and politely refusing it, he said It was a moment.
---When discussing how I was not into Link Wray, he said 'Puss did not fair so well while Link Wray played. It was great to see him for the legend status, and don't get me wrong, he could still play, but it was all instrumental, which makes her head split like an old coconut.
---During the best part of the entry at all, he describes a brief...episode...with Sugar and my favorite line was either I wanted to bend her over her table and rocket her crotch or If this had been a drunken party and not a show, I think I might have gotten some Sugar.
This was really funny and I am going to print it out and read it before bed every night. However, it was not enough to get me out of my fucked up mood.
16 July 2002---1:49p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Tiger Army "Power of Moonlite"
Reasons I May Be Dead By Morning---AKA: The Worst Motherfucking Mood in the HISTORY of Bad Motherfucking Moods
1. You would think that after a plethora of bad decisions concerning money and my EX, I would have learned...but NO. I was lucky enough to get a motherfucking credit card and the EX says to me (mind you, this was a few months ago when he wasn't an EX), Let's go to the store and get you some new clothes. I will cover 100.00. Yes, and scallops might fly out of my pants. He will answer an e-mail about ANYTHING but money so I am basically screwed myself right up the ass. Upon my first trip downstairs, I am greeted by a message from the credit card people and I will just add them to the list of people that make my life HELL.
2. I am having trouble at school ALREADY and it has caused me to have what I believe is a nervous breakdown at the age of 23. All I want to do is fucking graduate, unfortunately, I can not speak a foreign language in front of people and freaked out on my Mom, G.G., and my pirate. I don't like to cry, but man, did I cry a lot yesterday. I feel like I am suffering from mental retardation. All I wanted was for someone to find a loop-hole and punch me through it. Now everything I have worked for hangs in the balance and a May graduation could quite possible be canceled...but moving is not. I AM MOVING NEXT SUMMER IF I HAVE TO MOVE TO MOTHERFUCKING MEXICO AND HAVE THEM TEACH ME SPANISH. Moving plans go off without a hitch.
3.I was peacefully enjoying some fabulous noodles and pre-date beer, totally groomed and "ready to rock", when I was involved in a phone call with an upset friend. I became upset, yet tried to keep my opinions to myself, but when that phone call (and a multitude of alcoholic beverages) was through, I just felt like shit again. I felt angry and shitty and wanted to put on the pirate's Nekromantix hoodie and fall into a coma.
4. Next came a phone call to Meg-Dog where I raged for awhile and then we chit-chatted and I felt A-OK, at least for the time being. Then we relaized that somewhere in our busy schedules and jibber-jabber, we had a communication breakdown that lead me to believe we were leaving for Chicago on SATURDAY, when Meg had planned to leave on FRIDAY, which is virtually impossible for me. I said I'd figure it out, because I always do, but I can't, and the attempts are making my fucking brain hurt and affecting my ability to reason and contain emotion. I'm getting a new couch from a friend of mine before she moves to Delaware and Saturday morning is the last minute day to do it, and Brodie is being cool enough to help me move it. I figured we wouldn't leave until early Saturday morning...I didn't know there were big plans to hang in Chicago, but maybe that's my fault. This just all sucks because now, I will probably have to drive to Chicago myself and meet her there because I MUST get this couch and I have class, a family obligation, and a show on Friday. With everything that's going on with school and other bullshit, I feel my excitement diminishing becuase my head is somewhere else, nto to mention that I won't have a DIME (which I guess would be OK if I just drive to Chicago on Saturday). I am having regrets about shows I've gone to and even the trip to Florida because I really fucking need that money because I am in financial trouble. And what's even lamer is that I've been putting off getting a job BECAUSE I have shows to go to and stuff and that's just so stupid.
5. BBBrett had an illness relap at the show last night causing him to vacate, Lords of the Highway were just not on the ball (though Brodie and I did rock out) and I was unaware that Link Wray only plays instrumental and we all know how I feel about that. Luckily, I was really drunk and the pirate had to take me home early.
6. Woke up to an e-mail this morning from my Mom telling me that my father is making a "surprise" visit here on Thursday to check out the AC, which the AC PROFESSIONAL said could NOT be fixed. So now I have to clean this place top to bottom with my very sore, very freshly tattooed arm. I also woke up to the god damn pains of a bladder infectiona gain, so a trip to the "womanly doctor" is in order. Even if I work out stuff for Chicago, how the Hell am I going to drive like this?
Everything fucking sucks ass and I am moody as all Hell and just want to sleep until the Slumber Party, which I am still throughly excited about because maybe I will actually get to have a little fun and shed this fucking mood. Don't get me wrong, yesterday did have highlights including my new tattoo, the Lords playing "Tiger In My Tank", and an alla round good "first date" with the pirate. I'm just not in a good fucking mood.
14 July 2002---3:08p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Cramps "Flamejob"
I have an official "date" tomorrow. Yes, I am "dating" the pirate but we don't do much besides meet at the Mantis or stay at my house with the kids and get silly (which I totally love, of course). Tomorrow, the pirate and I are driving TOGETHER to see Lords of the Highway and Link Wray at the Beachland and I am really jazzed about it. And he is INSISTING on paying, which makes me feel all dorky, especially since he slipped 20.00 in my wallet so I could really enjoy the OKGO show that BBBrett and I decided not to go to. I wanted to return it (the cash...because I feel weird taking his money. I alsmot died when he wanted to buy me a milkshake the other day) and once again, he is INSISTING I buy beer with it at the show tomorrow. Does he rock? You bet he does.
Speaking of the pirate rocking, he left to go do his laundry and returned with a plastic bag, quickly handing it to me and taking off. Inside, was a SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS DVD of both the videos that were put out. I almost DIED. So Brodie and I got to rock out to the F-U-N song: F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me. N is for N-E-where and N-E-time at all DOWN HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA. F is for FIRE that BURNS DOWN THE WHOLE TOWN. U is for Uranium...BOMB. N is for no SURVIVORS...
Switchblade is insisting upon getting a new car later this year which disturbs me. One of the funniest moments of my life was involved with that car. We were drinking with this dope from Alliance and they were super goofy while I, if you can believe it, was minimally goofy. They wanted me to cook them tacos so we decided to drunkedly voyage into the night to the grocery store. I was the most sober and alert, so I became the designated driver of Switchblade's car. While getting behind the wheel, he says to me Now, do you know how to drive a '96 Nissan Altima? I'll really miss that mobile.
Did I ever mention that I have an unsquishable love for Miss Kinney? She made a joke in passing about buying me a greeting card to celebrate the fact that I exchanged the "L" word with the pirate. She shows up last night and lo and behold, I got the funniest card in the history of cards. It is now on my TV, lighting up my whole room. It will help keep me cheery while I learn how to speak Spanish today.
"Head of the Family" is the worst movie I've ever seen. I want it to be Friday so I can go to the Mantis...and so one week of Spanish will be over. Fucking Spain.
13 July 2002---11:21a MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Frank Sinatra "All Time Favorites"
I thought my bladder infection was back in full force and I was going to off myself. I drank so much water and water, as we all know, makes me want to shoot myself in the chest. Luckily, beer cures most aliments while simultaneously creating new ones...like the hangover I just had. But the most important thing is that my bladder issues are gone and my headache and goofiness were erased by breakfest with Switchblade. I am ready to rock out tonight (though while driving past the Mantis, I noticed that the flier for tonight's supposed ska show said "Shoot For Friday", so we may have missed it. Luckily, a new flier was up, convincing me that it might be fun to see an "industrial/electronic/goth-metal band a la Nine Inch Mails". I'm going to rock out with my cock out).
Happy Hour turned into Not-So-Happy Hour yesterday. G.G. and I had fun at the Loft (where I retardedly waved at the door man from the car) but upon returning to the homestead, I couldn't even get a beer to my lips...I was in a bad state of mind, but the pirate wasn't even there yet and Meg-Dog and Switchblade were also on their way so I did a little purging and soldiered on. I actually did quite a bit of "purging" throughout the night, including one episode involving G.G. using the toilet while I tossed Alabama Slammas into her bathtub, emerging to do a shot of Fire and Ice. Stupidity reigns supreme.
G.G. also joined me in the land I like to call "oblivian" and did some purging of her own...I just remembered that she made me take off her bra. Bizarre. I also had 2 really funny conversations with the Married Man (whom I professed my love for) and the Canadian (whose favorite hockey team is NOT the Red Wings). Who lets me use the phone at these things? I need a babysitter.
I made it home in one piece, but I may have temporarily shattered the pirate and myself to pieces. We had a fight, which wasn't even like a fight-fight...it was just a tense discussion...which ended with me pretty much breaking up with him. I didn't know you could "break up" with someone you're just "seeing". But it's all OK now as we both sucked it up as I realized that this thing we're doing is too good to screw up, no matter the obstacles. I am going to take a nap in his Nekromantix hoodie momentarily.
I encouraged Meg-Dog to call the Canadian and "sleep" with him and by "sleep", I mean drool all over his pillows, toss, turn, and snore. I, by no means, meant for her to make a booty call, as they say.
I wonder if G.G. is going to try and convince me that she's never drinking again when I go over there today. Do I like Thai food?
11 July 2002---7:39p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Pat Benatar "Best Shots"
I don't know how this fact ever slipped past me as I have "rock star radar", but supposedly Paul Cox is a rock star. I still haven't seen proof that he can rock a hollow body though, which ultimately makes or break you in my book. When I see it, I will bow down to the rock starriness in him.
I was formerly a rock star. That sadly hasn't been the case for awhile now, though. Also, I don't own a hollow body, but if I did, I'd rock it like a two dollar whore. -- Paul Cox
I passed my classes...yee-fucking-haw. That makes me 6 credits closer to not having a chance in Hell of getting a job in the real world. I am basically 6 credits closer to having a degree in Psychology that I can use as very decorative toilet paper. Point is, I passed. Bring on the liquor, there's a celebration going on in my town tonight.
Just wanted to remind everyone that we have a MOTHERFUCKING FOG MACHINE. I need a smoke, I'm so damn worked up.
11 July 2002---2:51p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Lagwagon "Hoss"
I totally ditched the entry I wrote earlier because it was pointless and poorly written and now that I have more to say, I'll just sum up everything I said before in addition to my new jibber-jabber. Basically, I said that my mothertruckin' finals are over and I'm happier that a fat kid on Thanksgiving. I'm going to celebrate this wonderful feat at the Mantis with all my favorite boys (except Switchblade who has to get up early and suck corporate cock for "the man"). I have no fear about pirate's EX (not like I did before either, ha ha) because she wrote him some good-bye letter and words of apology were sent my way. I still want an apology to my face but I guess this will have to do...for now.
Speaking of pirates: First off, last night, Andy I AM AXL ROSE Campbell called my house 20 minutes after I went to bed and I missed it. Still, it made my morning because he actually refered to himself as Axl Rose on my machine. BBBrett will be sorry he missed it, too.
Secondly, my Mom sent me an e-mail today pumping me for details on the pirate. I said nothing but nice things to butter her up and then she sent me this reply: Now the moment of truth----tattoos and piercings????. I bet she'll think it's super funny when she learns that he works in a tattoo parlor and designed a fat tat to slap on my person (speaking of tattoos...when's the big day, Meg-Dog???). Yep, she'll be rolling like a pig in shit...and then she'll shit herself.
Thirdly, my EX called and was pumping me for details on just how "into each other" the pirate and I are, so I feel like a jack-ass because I really don't want to hurt him, and finding out the person you love has sleepovers with a pirate you know...it can sting.
A motherfucking FOG MACHINE has been donated to the Slumber Party Massacre. I really wish my exclaimation point key worked because I would have inserted 100 right there. Fog machine + candles + black/red light + drunk goths in their pajamas + unprotected sex follwed with death by pitchfork + fake blood ("even better than the real thing", according to Sifl and Olly)= OH MY FUCKING LORD.
10 July 2002---4:12p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Me First... "Blowin' In the Wind"
Today, I have decided to have a Hawaiian shirt day. I also get very excited when I wear my Hawaiian shirt because I feel like I am in Me First and teh Gimme Gimmes. This really cheered me up last time I was down so I was thinking it would work again because I just got a letter in the mail, of which the contents will remain inside my black and throbbing skull, which made me...what's the word?...livid. Luckily, BBBrett is on his way to make me slightly LESS livid.
BBBrett + beer + a movie which is neither horribly upsetting or about college + 'Me First' inspired Hawaiian shirt= a hopefully less livid Motherfucker
10 July 2002---1:07p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: OKGO "Song Samplers"
I am in one of those total chaotic and mind-numbing moods that could have totally been avoided had I been someone else, rather than me. I went to bed confused and irritable and that's pretty much how I woke up, and the "sigh of doom" was looming in my chest. I discussed the situation at hand with G.G. who gave the very popular "cross that bridge when you come to it" speech, but I'm not entirely sure I could enjoy the journey to said bridge without worrying about the crossing or not crossing. This may make no sense to anyone, so I will leave it at that and add that if it wasn't early afternoon, I'd be drinking, heavily. I am, as they say, insane.
I have decided that my heart is made of harded molten rock and that there is a possibility that it could be melted back into lava but then again, lava burns people and has been known to destroy whole villages and civilizations (we must admit that this analogy was much better than the one I used to describe my relationship with my EX involving a broken vase). In short, I would like to avoid falling in love at all costs (and it does nothing but spawn hate) and I will never again live with someone I'm dating. In fact, I think I will just live with BBBrett until we both die of lung cancer and/or liver disease.
Cigarettes are my best friends and Phantasm was not a good movie...even on 6 beers.
9 July 2002---9:24p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Misfits "Collection 1, 2, and Evilive"
I miss my Lords of the Highway "Haulin' Ass" CD and it misses me. It is in Florida keeping Marshall company and I feel like a bad mother who lost her child in a department store. I was just in such a rush to get in my car and get back to Ohio that I dissed it. I'm sorry CD and I will make it up to you when you find your way home.
My Saturday's are full unti August 17th if you can believe that (and you should because it's true). Saturday Events From Now Until August 17th 7/13: Mantis to see goofier Ska band with Switchblade 7/20: Chicago to see Breeders with Meg-Dog 7/27: SLUMBER PARTY FUCKING MASSACRE 8/3: Huey Lewis and the God Damn News 8/10: Attending a wedding with Brodie
Woowee...referring back to 7/27...I am so fuckign excited about the Massacre and the 62 people that have been invited. I may have nowhere to put them, but they will have a good fucking time or die trying. FUCK SOME SHIT UP...while not really destroying anything I own, that's what I say.
We're 18 miles from Memphis and we won't leave 'til we've rocked you all.
9 July 2002---3:15p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (still playing Breeders)
ADDITIONAL QUALITIES A BOY MUST HAVE IN ORDER TO MARRY ME
9. Can walk on his hands and/or do a back/front flip
10.Likes dinosaurs (not only in youth but in adulthood as well)
9 July 2002---2:45p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Breeders "Pod"
Why is it that every time you change a cat's litterbox, they instantly plop their fat asses in it and shit for minutes and minutes on end? My cats are pigs and right now, I hate their guts. In addition, I also want my guinea pig to die...today.
I was totally thinking today about how obsessed I used to be with Alan M: The Sexiest Guy in Riverdale. I thought that phase was over but is so isn't. He's still the sexiest guy.
I am now the proud owner of the BIGGEST poster I have ever seen. I mean, it is HUGE...a few feet tall. And it's to promote everyone's favorite film, Teenage Zombie House Massacre, with a gigantic picture of my personal zombie/pirate. But the kicker is that at the bottom where it lists off everyone's names, it concludes with And Andy Campbell as Axl. BBBrett's going to want to steal it...or hump it.
I went up to this thug gangster and was like "Yo Motherfuker...WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
8 July 2002---8:22p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Rip Offs "Discography"
As of right now, Dennis A. Bell said he'd be up for coming to the Slumber Party Massacre, though the fact that that is the theme and it's in honor of BBBrett's birthday seems wrong. Yes, it does, and that is why it rocks and will be like chocolate covered death.
Speaking of BBBrett covered in blood, attatched to a dead, naked slut by a sharp weapon, he sent me this e-mail regarding the Rumble In Kent, which highly brightened my day (the e-mail that is...and the rumble, too): You have no need to apologize for anything. I was
doing all that I could to keep from busting into utter
hysterics while you verbally DESTROYED that girl. I
was having a blast. And you definitely need not
apologize for the waist-humping. I will never say no
to a girl surprising the shit out of me by throwing
herself upon my person saying "THIS is being all over
someone!" It helps to keep that part of me that wants
sex alive and well through the horrible drought I'm
in.
I just had to deal with a motherfucking flood in my kitchen and now I have to deal with filth in my bathroom. In closing news, I finally have pictures from my birthday shin-dig. I think the Pets.com puppet had the best time. He flirted with Meg-Dog and drank a lot of beer.
8 July 2002---12:24p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Showcase Showdown "Appetite of Kings"
AND ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE...
First, let me say that I instigated some ickiness on Saturday because to me, it felt like the pirate was babysitting his EX all night while still trying to be there with me without really APPEARING to be there with me. That doesn't fly with this motherfucker so immediately after the EX gave him the finger, I gave him a much stiffer and taller finger. I will not be put second by a boy again without mass destruction, mutilation, and chaos following.
Yeah, so, as most of you know I was accosted by the pirate's EX (who had her goofy eyes glued to me the whole night) outside of the Mantis. It was the most foolish conversation I have ever had with another human being! She called me ugly (and I thought that was odd because I sort of resemble her and when I told her this, she was not happy). Fuck yeah, so what? I couldn't stop laughing because of all the things to start a fight over, my ugliness would be like the LAST thing I would have chosen. But you don't always get to pick your battles...so I verbally destroyed her...AND TOUCHED HER, and she didn't like that. And she kept telling ME to get out of HER face and was calling me a LOUD MOUTH and this whole time I thought I was just standing there laughing at her!! Hmmmm.
Some of the highlights were when she accused me of calling their house and hanging up when I DON'T and she asked ME who else it could have been, like I know everyone in the world or something. I'm sure there are other people that hate you that could have called was my response. Then she was crying about how the pirate and I are "all over each other" in public, when in all actuality, he kissed me on the forehead and put her arms around me ONCE. I had to point out to her where the forehead is on the body because I'm not sure if she'd know...this is the same bitch that didn't know where Kentucky was. Then I jumped on Brett's waist and began pumping because THAT, my friends, would have been being "all over each other".
I reminded her that she doesn't know me and she agreed. I reminded her that she is no longer pirate's girl and he's moved on and she agreed. So what was the fight over, you ask? Who fucking knows??? All I know is that she would say something, I'd throw a comeback and she'd be mind-boggled and stand there. If she thinks I'm going to avoid the Mantis just because she's there, she's wrong. I HUMILIATED HER in front of a bunch of people and I think I should make it very clear to her that she should just move out of Kent or be annihilated. Yes, I did get rowdy with the pirate because he stood there and did nothing besides look like he was going to puke. He didn't try to interject ONCE so I rolled his fingers up in my car window and told him to go home. But he must care about this thing we're doing becuase he came over and pleaded until I threw in the towel. I wasn't being weak...I just like him to much to be my regular meanie self. The whole thing was just so silly. If you're going to be jealous, be jealous, but don't act like a ten year old. And if you're going to get all fucked up and try and be a hard ass, you should probably be more prepared, or go up against someone you're own speed because I was wasted yet could hold my own. Now I know how people I used to hang out with felt when I had a shit load of baggage. It rots and I think I'm too old to take it.
She really didn't like it when I touched her.
6 July 2002---7:29p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Gears "Rockin' at Ground Zero"
ADDITIONAL QUALITY A BOY MUST HAVE IN ORDER TO MARRY ME
8. Must have read "The Bell Jar" and/or "Cathcher In the Rye".
6 July 20020---2:20p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "The Art of Drowning"
I forgot to mention the funniest thing: last night, the pirate was hungry from working all day and he decided to head out for food. He was sweet enough to offer to pick up grub for anyone that was hungry...and Switchblade was. When pirate asked him what he wanted he said I want two chicken quesadillas and a Mexican Surfboard. I tackled him because it was the fucking FUNNIEST thing I had heard in a while. Switchblade's still got it.
6 July 2002---1:42p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Dwarves "Free Cocaine"
ADDITIONAL QUALITY A BOY MUST HAVE IN ORDER TO MARRY ME
7. Must have a middle name
Pirate seems to think this quality is ridiculous but that's only because he doesn't HAVE a middle name (at least he took time out to make one up for himself...but it's not sufficient enough). He thinks it makes himself much cooler that he DOESN'T' have one but he is WRONG. So it is officially decided...I will never marry the pirate.
I have a crown. It is gold with stars and long black, gold, and bronze ribbons that blow in the wind and whip Brodie in the face. I was the princess of the Kent Heritage Festival, which I dragged Sir Brodie to (he is only a "Sir" because I wanted to be the most royal person at the gala). I love my crown but I am afraid to wear it to the Mantis because I don't want to get beat up. Mantis patrons don't respect royalty.
For quite awhile, I have planned on getting a tattoo of Vampira (Malia Nurmi, not my cat) on my forearm. Now I decided that she will have a companion on the opposite arm: Paula Prentiss, the female lead of Saturday the 14th. It is decided. I think I really want her from the scene where Richard Benjamin (her real life husband) tries to encourage her to eat a piece of beef and she freaks out and touches the holes on her neck. I really enjoy that. In 1995, she was chosen by Empire magazine as one of the 100 Sexiest Stars in film history (#91).
I had such a good time last night boozin' and prankin'. I love my friends and plan on having an equally delightful time this eveing FUCKING SHIT UP at the Mantis.
5 July 2002---2:45p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Pixies "Doolittle"
"Here Comes Your Man" is totally about the Holocaust and I am TOTALLY never listening to it again...in the same light as least. It sort of irks me that a song about something so dismal and bleak can make you feel so good when you're listening to it. Go figure.
I have found the cure to the ever elusive and irritating bladder infection...beer. I don't know if it was the kind of beer (Miller High Life) or the amount (3 Tall Boys), but the tingle of death is gone from down below and I am ready to rock. Besides, if the Oh my fuck, I have to go to the bathroom every fifteen seconds feeling comes back, I'll be totally unaware because I'll be at the Mantis which includes going to the bathroom every fifteen seconds due to alcohol consumption. All I can say is I'd rather have Brodie's throat deal than what I went through last night. Now somebody just has to set off some fireworks in my honor.
We got the Florida pictures back today and I was unpleasantly surprised to find a picture of me, very VERY drunk, sitting on the couch in my bra. It has been destroyed.
I would have given one million dollars to watch Firefighter Jess pummle the fuck out of "I'm So Fucking Vain and Stuck Up and my Girlfriend Has a Huge Ass" Donovan. Maybe next year.
4 July 2002---8:21p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (still playing The Muffs)
LIST OF QUALITIES A BOY MUST HAVE IN ORDER TO MARRY ME (in progress)
1. Architect (or seriously interested in architecture)
2. Large hands with long fingers
3. Hates pineapple and pretzles
4. Dark hair (preferably black...no facial hair, except chops)
5. Skinny, tattooed and tall (this means 6' or over, Brodie, so you're disqualified)
6. Plays an instrument (bongos, jaw harp, spoons excluded)
This is a growing list so don't be surprised if you fit it now but don't fit it later. I am a woman in progress.
Meg-Dog and I are totally dating "N'Sync"...no no, not THAT N'Sync...with her leading it all off. See, she and I both dated boys for long periods of time, then we both broke up with them, then we both wanted to hook back up with them, then I DID hook back up and she hooked up with a married man so basically we both put ourselves in bad positions/situations, then we ended that, and now we're both "theme dating"...me with a pirate, her with a Canadian, and YES, being Canadian IS a theme. I told her that if she becomes a lesbian, I'm leaving the state.
4 July 2002---7:34p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Muffs "Blonder and Blonder"
ONE: I am in absolute agony as I believe I have what they call around the cell block "a bladder infection". It sucks so horribly that I literally sat on my heel and bit my lip the whole way from BBBrett's to here, which is leading me to miss fireworks. I love fucking fireworks but I was so uncomfortable at his house because I was thinking I wonder if they're going to think something's up if I keep going to the bathroom every fifteen seconds?. So I borrowed some DVDs and opted to stay home so I can try and make urine.
TWO: Danzig rocked my fucking socks off even if he did play "Dirty Black Summer" and PBR Tall Boys were 4.00 a pop. Oh...AND I got hit in the freshly pierced lip. AND I lost a shoe so I had to sit on the sidelines during "Mother". I saw my EX and he cleverly and bitterly said Looks like you lost a shoe. But the rest of the night was swell because I sweat my ass off, had a civil, if not slightly awkward, conversation with the EX (though he kept refering to the pirate I'm dating as HE or HIM. Pirate didn't like that. He KNOWS my NAME) and got to have a pirate sleepover party. Dude, I was drunk as fuck. I still want to marry Danzig even if he chopped off his chops.
THREE: I don't know what Paul Cox looks like but he claims to not be as fat as Brian Setzer and I really don't want to marry a fat person so it's on in that respect. But can he rock out on a hollow body? This is yet to be seen.
FOUR: I'm making fliers for the Slumber Party Massacre tonight once the tingle in my bladder subsides. I'm really excited...both about the party and the subsiding tingling. I hope someone gets murdered while they're here at the shin-dig...ideally with a picthfork while they're having unprotected sex. It should be BBBrett since it's his party.
FIVE: I will buy Meg-Dog both a raspberry and mandarin orange truffle because I love her but it will be a surprise so keep it on the DL, yo.
SIX: I attempted to go to the bathroom 4 times while writing this. Fuck this shit.
3 July 2002---4:53p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (still playing Bouncing Souls)
I'm taking back my part of Paul Cox. He was going to be an architect. If I don't marry Paul Cox, I'm going to marry Brian Setzer, who is recently divorced.
I'm not as fat as Brian Setzer is now. - Paul Cox
This Bouncing Souls record is boring. I'm going to have a beer...that won't make it any better.
3 July 2002---4:24p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Bouncing Souls "The Good, The Bad, and the Argyle"
Paul Cox never leaves me little messages in my blog. Therefore, the fight to marry him is over and I will turn over whole owenership and property to Meg-Dog. Such a waste though...he informed me that he's into architecture.
Don't be such a quitter. - Paul Cox
T-minus 3 hours until the pre-Danzig drinking shin-dig. Bring on the Tall Boys...bring 'em on.
3 July 2002---11:17a MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Danzig "Danzig 1"
My bad mood is over due to something that just happened between myself and G.G. Mind you, G.G. is a hippie in every sense of the word (followed the dead, tye-dye, peace, love and all that bullshit) and knows minimal about punk rock or rockabilly. Here is a snippet of the conversation:
G.G.: Okay, be safe driving and have fun tonight. Hey, this is for you...DANZIG SKULL. MF: OH MY GOD... :orgasms.
I don't know...when she says it, I get all tingley inside...like maybe all things will be right in the world. Sigh...
3 July 2002---10:37a MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Pirates... "s/t"
I think I am going to retire Sourpuss Punk 'Zine and start fresh, working title CONFUSED AND THIRSTY, which will basically just be a series of complaints because complaining and hate are my favorite things. If anyone in my crew would like to be part of this literary trash, feel free to join up. But you have to prove to me that you can make a confused/thirsty face...and that you have a multitude of complaints and box loads of hatred in your deep, black hearts.
Speaking of deep, black, rotten hearts, tonight is Danzig and I was totally excited until last night when the pirate said I might go to Danzig and I might not. I don't know. This just boggled my mind because IT'S DANZIG, MOTHERFUCKER. In the end, he was just semi-delusional and he will be in attendence...but he's going with the girl that BBBrett refers to as the girl with the squinty face and big forehead. Once, when she was around, Meg-Dog said she'd pay me 5.00 to scream TAKE A BATH. I should have.
I'm in a mood. I am being taken over by the "Sigh of Doom" and there is an ever impending grey rain cloud over my head at all times. I fear that I will suffocate or drown if things continue this way. Hearing "Am I Demon" is the only thing that can save me now. I love Paul Cox.
I've got this thing that I consider my only art of fucking people over.
2 July 2002---10:53p MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Breeders "Title TK"
I love Paul Cox even if spiders have eaten his brain. I would still marry him because he does computer stuff and still maintains a savy qulaity about him. Although, he is not an architect, and "architect" is on my list of qualities a man must possess to marry me. I'm not sure if this is because I really love architecture/architects or because I never want to get married and what architect in his right mind would want me? Anyway, if you missed any entries, please feel free to check out the "Anarchyive" that Paul "I Rock Girl's Socks Off" Cox installed.
Brodie and I are going to carve a watermelon into a Jack-o-Lantern for the Slumber Party Massacre. Dress code is either GOTHIC or PAJAMAS. If you wear GOTHIC PAJAMAS, you get a prize.
