30 June 2003---5:59p

There is totally a picture of STRONGBAD on page 103 of the Entertainment Weekly issue with the 100 Most Creative People in Entertainment on the cover. How rad is that? His accent is described as "stolen from Eli Wallach, damaged, and returned". I don't get that but it's still pretty cool. Strongbad's favorite e-mails: Any one where I get to kick The Cheat. I swear, the body releases some of those 'dorphins every time I kick the crap out of that little guy. It's like a burst of real fruit flavor. Also in the article it was brought to my attention that Homestar has no arms. Gross.

30 June 2003---1:19p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Liam Lynch "Fake Songs"

On notes of little importance, the song "Alive and Kicking" is horrific and I am eating Panera as I blog this.

I just returned from depositing two hungover members of Rock-n-Roll Purgatory fame at their car which was left in the Beachland Ballroom parking lot with a puddle of puke next to the door. I figured that was the best place to start stating yesterday's events since Sunday was the only day that actually included some action.

After a fan-fucking-tastic visit from my parents which was equipped with dinner at the Olive Garden and a third generation plant now named "Art III", I was beat and thought my Sunday would close with alternating moments of napping and cartoons. However, after primping and popping a yellow jacket (which I will NEVER do again because my jimmy leg was out in triple full force and even my smiles were shaking), I somehow found myself at the Beachland Ballroom to see the Coffin Bangers (who I actually REALLY liked this time...rock) and the Alphabet Bombers (who were dullas dishwater but had a bass player that will now be refered to as "Bizarro Ezra") thanks to the Pirate. I had a really rockin' rad time, which I needed.

There was NO ONE there besides people I knew (the lovely Lisa Marie, the strapping young buckaroo Ben, sexy Sugar---hostess to an all day event at her house which teh Wrath Packers are invited to...see me for details---, Dennis "A stands for Ace, no joke" Bell, etc.) and thanks to my cousin the fabulous bartneder, I had a few drinks, rocked out to some tunes, appreciated the fact that I was having a good hair day, and found myself +2 very drunk and silly passengers on the drive home. The best part of the evening was waking up WITHOUT a PBR hangover. A good wrap up to an otherwise dull weekend.

I guess the date of the 2nd Annual Slumber Party Massacre has changed once again. Please check back for updates.

As for this weekend and ribs and Dance Dance Revolution and a visit from Miss Mary "Banned in D.C." Byrne, I'm going to have to pass. I really, REALLY did not want to go to the Heavy Rebel Wekeender in Winston-Salem, NC...not because I don't want to see 60 rockabilly/psychobilly bands and hangout with my friends and have a rad time with my Pirate all weekend. The dilemma is that I have NO money until my school straightens out this whole paycheck chaos. Pirate offered to pay for everything just to get me to go because he said he'd rather spend the weekend with me having funa nd being drunk and silly rather than spending it away from me. I can get that. Who would want to be away from ME? But on the other hand, I'll feel guilty forever about taking MORE money from him...I still owe him VEGAS MONEY---and please, don't get on back about getting a job. I'm doing my best---and ina way, I wasn't even excited about going. I could have cared less either way. But Pirate REALLY wants me to go and that makes a person feel good, ya know? And last night, I actually started to look forward to it. Ben and Lisa are rad ass people and it'll be fun to spend the weekend with them, drunk 24 hours a day, sleeping in some silly hotel. So, sorry ribbers. I hope you have a great and patriotic time and be sure to miss.

In honor of my being gone this weekend...I'm not sure honor is the word I want to use but SCREW IT...I will be having a Dance Dance Daquiri Revolution Rock Out on Saturday July 12th. Wear clean socks, y'all.

28 June 2003---4:55p

I am really special cause there’s only one of me, look at my smile I’m so damn happy other people are jealous of me. When I’m sad and lonely I like to sing this song, it cheers me up and shows me that I won’t be sad for long, oh oh oh. I’m so happy I can barely breathe. Puppy dogs, and sugar frogs, and kittens, baby teeth. Watch out all you mothers I’m happy, it's hardcore; happy has a coupon for a 20-dollar whore, ha ha ha ha. I’m really happy. I’m sugar coated me. Happy good, anger bad, that’s my philosophy.

I can’t do this I’m not happy.

I am really special cause there’s only one of me, look at my smile I’m so damn happy other people are jealous of me. These are my love handles and this is my spout, but if you tip me over then momma said knock you out! I am special I am happy I am gonna heave, welcome to my happy world now get your shit n’ leave.

I am happy I am good I’m…..I’m outta here!…………Screw you!

28 June 2003---1:51p

Well, I was finally fortunate enough to find a way to make sure that the 4th Annual Birthday Party Round-Up took place mainly in Meghan's honor but she decided she just wants her birthday to be over so...hmmmm. It's sad that the Annual Birthday Party Round-Up is going into retirement at such a young age. Now the event will officially solely be the 2nd Annual Slumber Party Massacre to mourn the passing of Brett "The Knife" Chabek at a mere 25 years old (this is NOT a birthday party people...this is a somber occasion). And since the guest of honor had double committments on the scheduled date, as a special "this has nothing to do with your birthday, this is just an act of friendliness" gift, I'm going to move the date (it was also no good for Meghan's busy schedule). So Maybe the 26th??? Get ready to slumber, fuckers.

28 June 2003---8:33a

Yesterday was Meg-Dog's Silver Anniversary of Birth...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YO. I didn't get to join in to the festivities because I just can't afford to do anything entertaining as I have to spend my last pennies on things like cat litter and handtowels (not that those are a total necessity, but much like the Knife, my parents, who are coming over tomorrow for the FIRST TIME, will be appalled to know I don't have any handtowels. It's an ongoing circle of disappointment). I man, for CHRIST'S SAKE, I was asleep but 10:30p. So lame. Anyway, Meghan rocks and everyone who see her should pamper her for the next year. I need to institute an army of do-gooders and well-wishers to make up for my absence. She rules...HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, hope after the misfortunes that things rocked hardcore.

Taking a few steps back, my parents are coming tomorrow and I have a lump in my chest. I know my apartment looks ten BILLION times better but I'm still nervous. Parents can do that to a person. Should I have food for them? I mean, they're taking us out but should I have cheese and crackers or something? It's mind boggling. And they're missing my nephew's all-star game, which I know they don't want to, to come over which is just going to make me worry that they'd rather be somewhere else. The Knife told me I get too worried about what other people are thinking and if they're going to feel a certain way...I think he's right. I'm a pussy.

Dance Dance Revolution was shipped yesterday sooooo if I don't go to Heavy Rebel, I will first be making an appearane at the yearly Rib Day festivities and then everyone is invited over for DDR and Daquiris and Margaritas...which will be FAR superior to the last batch I made. YEEHAW, those were ass kickers.

26 June 2003---2:04p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Le Shok "We Are Electocution"

Go to www.reasonablyclever.com and make your own lego person. They even have Pirate's haircut. Mine was pretty rad.

I hate to say this because it makes me seem super girly which we all know I am NOT, but GOD DAMN do I hate my body. I think in one way or another I have ALWAYS hated it and I think a lot of girls feel the same way. It's a curse. I've known a lot of overweight people who are perfectly comfortable with their bodies and will wear tight and/or revealing clothing and I just can't do it...not that I like to wear tight and/or revealing clothing but still I wish I had that kind of confidence. I hate my thighs, big time. I came across the term "saddlebags" the other day. Eff. The thighs have to go and while I'm at it, I'd like to have less of a J-Lo style behind and some abs might be nice so I could be "all up ons" or "AA: all abs". I use to be super buff in the stomach and arms when Queen B and I were swimming but now I dread a bathing suit. I hate this feeling. The chick thing has got to take a hike.

I started yoga today and not to be totally retarded but I see why people do it. Outside of Dr. Nightmare wanting to be Miss Affectionate the whole time, I was totally relaxed and even enjoyed the new-age music, dare I say it. The entire time I heard bones cracking and felt muscles straining so something good has got to be going on. I'm still cracking and my limbs feel nice and loose. I'll sacrifice the 9 pounds I want to lose just to look toned. However, I need a sports bra, y'all, cause these pups need a lift during the workout.

I have no idea what I'm going to do about Meg-Dog's birthday which is tomorrow (YEAH, HAPPY ALMOST BIRTHDAY). I really want to spend her birthday with her but the surplus of funds I thought I had are really non-existant AND I got busted on eBay so no more Sifl and Olly excess cash for awhile (If anyone wants to buy a set of Sifl and Olly Seasons 1,2, and unaired Season 3 along with the Top 9 Video Countdown on VCD, Songs of Season One AND Liam Lynch's "Fake Songs" on CDR, let me know. They're 30.00 a pop plus 5.00 shipping). Regardless, unless I come into some serious funds, I'm sort of screwed not just for tomorrow but in general. I'm going to job hunt after class...which I'm going to be late for. I hope you're having fun wherever you are, Meg. I hope they play "Cut Out Witch" just for you.

If my air conditioning doesn't get fixed soon, Pirate and I are going to expire, I'll tell you that much. And why do I ALWAYS have the desire to paint when it's 5 billion degrees outside?? It's the artist's curse.

24 June 2003---5:09p

Sometimes I scream at people I don't even know without even knowing it. That is a talent that all people shoudl possess. I hear Meghan is good at it as well. I hope I don't wildly scream at someone important.

I had two hours of dental work done today with insane results. I don't know if they injected the novocaine too deep or what but my eye sockets are throbbing, my nose aches, I'm dizzy, and pretty sick to my stomach from all the head pain. I had two small bloody noses which my Mom doesn't think sounds normal. Everything on me aches and to boot, I'm bored.

I felt so badly for myself that I bought a new pair of shoes. Someone come over and feed me.

23 June 2003---8:40p
COUNTDOWN TO MEG-DOG's BIRTHDAY: 4 days.

Jen Turk is the happiest person alive and cute to boot. If all my guy friends weren't so sarcastic and "witty", I would want one of them to marry her.

You know, I could sit here and talk about Brodie's birthday party last night and how it was alright as far as parties go and the cops came and we listened to the Smiths and talked about some girl and her passion for blow jobs. I could talk about the fact that due to my neighbor taking a hike (I'm pretty sure he's not just on vacation) we're going to have a 2nd Annual Slumber Party Massacre/4th Annual Birthday Party Round-Up the third Saturday of July which should ease some trouble minds (unless you're the Knife, but in this instance, we will be mourning your death rather than celebrating your birth). I could talk about how I went to a pirate family function and had so much adrenaline in my system, I could practically feel it oozing out of my throbbing eye sockets. I could talk about how I had my Comparative Religious Thought midterm today and thought I think it went ALRIGHT, I was pissssssssed at the amount of material that was NOT included on the damn exam. I could talk about how Switchblade took me to the Mongolian Barbeque in Coventry for dinner, we ate way too much, both had to poop, I was pretty certain Marty the chef liked my pretty face, and a store on the walk over was chock full of Sailor Jerry merchandise in the window.

But I'm sorry to disappoint you kiddies because I'm not going to talk about that. I AM, however going to talk about the fact that I am now, along with some child support from Uncle Switchblade, the proud owner of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION and 2 DDR pads. Hells yeah, y'all. I'm gonna be all up ons. So let's make some time in our schedules for a little DDR fiesta, shall we, for only the close members of the Wrath Pack. I'm not going to twist anybody's arm because Switchblade and I could stay up all night by our lonesomes and do it...not DO IT, but you know, dance. God, the glory that is going to be this event.

Now that I've talked about the most important item on today's agenda, I guess I can add that I'm going to do some yoga and settle back for tonight's episode of Surf Girls. We all have our guilty pleasures...mine just involves a bunch of chicks that look like Malibu Barbies.

20 June 2003---5:05p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Hayseed Dixie "A Hillbilly Tribute to ACDC"

Time flies when you're eating pork? Oh man, that's some funny adveteasing right there. Somehow I don't think it's wise for a person to associate flies and pork. Kind of rank.

Everything around me smells like vodka, even my flesh and my hair. I can't quite explain it. It's making it very difficult to learn the 5 pillars of Islam when all I can think about it scoring some cranberry juice. I'm not even a big vodka fan. I think I'm delusional from studying too much. Now I know why big time scholars are so fucking wacky...they must have lost their minds when their skinned started to smell like liquor. At least I smell top shelf.

It's fucking boggling my mind to stay home on a Friday. It's making my stomach hurt actually. I want to go to the Loft but I'm trying to exhibit discipline. I bet if Switchbalde twisted my arm just a tad, I would go. My arm is made of rubber so it probably won't be that difficult. But I SHOULD stay home and study. But I want a taco. DAMN THIS INDECISION THAT CONSUMES ME.

Killoumbus trip tomorrow and Brodie Fest 25 on Sunday. I see a hangover in my future. I'm going to bring my anti-PBR spray just in case. I need to get out of here and do stuff because my money situation is rough right now (you take some notes for a guy and they sit on your paycheck for eternity) and it's kind of hurting my head. I hope I don't have to tussle up some lame asses at the shin-dig (which I will now be refering to as a shin-dog) because I don't feel like a tussle. I do feel like getting some chow. Dynomite ROCK.

19 June 2003---1:23p

I am totally quitting smoking. It is now an official must as everytime I smoke, I end up smoking a pack and I was never like that before. Even at it's height, it was like a 3 cigarette a day habit. I hate how my hands smell after a big smoking night and I can smell smoke on the Pirate. It's rank. So, I'm starting today. I already feel like my lungs are going to fall out. And while on the subject of bad habits, everytime I drink consistantly (6 or more drinks), I wake up in the morning with sore skin. It's such a terrible feeling. My skin is all tight and itchy. It's horrific.

In regards to all this smoking and drinking, last night's small get together turned into a crowded fiesta that was just...odd...and super awkward at first. Everyone was really quiet and piled into one room and I had to do a shot just to calm myself. But then Dance Dance Revolution was busted out and that was as entertaining as humanly possible. I think I'm going to have to get it. Otherwise, it was just a bizarre event. It seems like the last 2 events I had were off. I don't know what was off about it but I do know that I killed my ankle dancing with Brodie (Brodie and my dancing seems to always add injury to my ankle) and I watched "Lobster Sticks to Magnet" too many times.

I sang Nancy Sinatra at karaoke. It was painful for me. I have jimmy-leg.

I am cancelling all pending plans for the weekend (not couting my dinner trip to Columbus on Saturday...if anyone would liek to join me, let me know...and Brodie's party Sunday night) in order to study for my Monday midterm. It's on alot of material so I am shuttingmyself off from the world all day today and tomorrow...but if I'm needed, you can e-mail or feel free to call and ask me if my brain is fried yet. Once I nurse this hangover a little bit more, it'll be time to hit the books. Wish me luck.

17 June 2003---12:42p
MUSIC TO BLOG TO: Hall and Oates "Greatest Hits"

HAPPY BIRTHAY MISS KINNEY. You are now officially my age and it all goes down hill from here. I hope everything goes smashing for you today but if smashing means I have to sing at karaoke, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. You rule, you're 24...rock on.

I decided to listen to this in order to stop listening to the Carpenters and Ben Folds Five which were making me quite suicidal but in all actuality, listening to "Sara Smile" and "She's Gone" are NOT helping me feel better at all. Damn pop songs are good for nothing.

You know how in Brain Candy they talked about a pill that would give rabies to ex-girlfriends? They need to make a pill that will stop girls from being jerks. I'm going to cook it up and market it and be a billionaire...and hopefully not a jerk as I will be self-medicating.

16 June 2003---6:39p

I had a nervous breakdown after class today (and outside of this, I don't want to talk about it). I knew it was coming. It had been building up for the past 3 weeks or so and it just kicked my ass. I was actually labled an "emergency case" at the Health Center. After pouring my guts and realizing what a fucking mess everything truly is, I was pretty sure things couldn't make me feel any worse.

When I got home, a live version of "Brick" by Ben Folds Five was on TV so I guess I was wrong.

15 June 2003---8:46p
COUNTDOWN TO MISS KINNEY'S BIRTHDAY: 2 days.
COUNTDOWN TO MEG-DOG'S BIRTHDAY: 13 days.

My computer has become a breeding ground for pop-ups which has made it virtually impossible for me to blog in the last 4 days but I have returned and plan to fill you in in full, yo. And speaking of those past fanciful 4 and their plethora of hours, I've done more within them than I have in the past 4 MONTHS, if you can believe that...which you should because I don't have time to waste playing tease.

THURSDAY: Ah, the day of Brodie Davis, Jr.'s birth and a fine was to kick off a long stretch of activities. This was one of those days where I was so jazzed to get out that I was ready and out way too early that I ended up reading an entire magazine in a gas station parking lot as a way to kill time which makes me a full throttle nerd. Lame. I picked Brodie up and we met Meg-Dog and Tony Rocky Horror at the 5 O'Clock, which rocks on Thursdays due to it's rockabilly/honkytonk cutie pie DJ (but does NOT rock due to only haviung pitchers of my gravest enemy, PBR). We talked and rocked and smoked but did NOT cuddle eventhough it WAS Brodie's birthday. After Meg-Dog the Sexy Librarian took leave, we pushed on for awhile chatting it up until I was fizzy headed and called it a night. Happy Birthday, Brodie.

FRIDAY: This day was just nothing but ongoing chaos. The morning activities are rated X so they won't be shown in this neighborhood theater. Post pornography, I tried to strike up a deal with Brodie to accompany me to Andy "Axl" Campbell's birthday fiesta so I wouldn't end up sitting in a corner by myself. That's no way for a rocker to behave. After a pleasant afternoon eating and dishing with Miss Kinney in honor of her 24 years, Brodie, myself, and Hall and Oates headed to the festivies that were actually pretty rad. I gave Andy a bottle of Captain Morgan's which any growing boy needs to have in his posession and Brodie got a girl...which any growing boy needs to have in his posession. I talked to a lot of people I might otherwise not talk to and actually had a rad time...maybe I drank a little too much but it was a party...and a weekend...and after 8:00p. Do I really need an excuse?? It's a rare occurence for me to attend a party I didn't have to throw. Happy Birthday, Andy.

SATURDAY: I woke up exhausted, headachey, cottonmouthed and dying for Brodie's gossip...which I got, followed by a long drive to Parma and back through less than eager eyes (though I was rewarded with a Shmiscuit. If you don't know what that is you are SO out of the loop). I napped for hours prepping myself for the big LOTH CD release that I had been counting down the days to but when we got there, I could have been mistaked for a zombie. I did NOT want to be there...not because of the show or the amount of people I disliked there...because all the alcohol I had consumed and all the sleep I didn't get that had caught up to me. Luckily, Sugar followed up giving me the "Haulin' Ass" CD for free with giving me "Lost in Sin" as well...she reminded me that I'm the number 1 fan, which of course is true even if I didn't represent well last night. Listening to the CD in zombie mode did not do it justice and the absence of "100 Dollar Hangover" was devastating...however, it is still a smashing success in my eyes and ears. I'm glad I got to see the Knife and that his broken penis is doing better. No one likes broken genitals.

SUNDAY: Today is Father's Day so I spent it with my father which was pretty rad. I got to chat it up and eat good food (there were ribs, motherfuckers, but I denied) but once again, the sleep wave resumed. It brings me down that I had multiple options on things to do tonight (a show with Ben, the Loft with Switchblade, boozin' it up for Andy turning 21 at midnight) but watching cartoons in my bed just seems more appealing. I aleady made plans to start off the weekend in rocker fashion at the Loft with Switch who I dearly miss so anyone interested...be there. ALSO...since I can't be there for Andy's 21 fiesta tonight at the bars, I'm having some of those kids over on Wednesday night for more boozin' and prankin'. It's not a party. It's an excuse to drink hardcore. Any real partier would be there. This entry, mush like this weekend, has been exhausting.

12 June 2003---11:59a
HAPPY MOTHERTRUCKIN' BIRTHDAY BRODIE

What are you doing? Getting your groove on? Doing the robot? I'll tell you what, this celebratory day couldn't have come at a better time because yours truly needs a stiff drink...or 2 or 10. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRODIE DAVIS, Jr. I can't think of a better reason to get dressed up, get drunk and drive. BRODIE 25 IS ALIVE.

11 June 2003---4:24p
COUNTDOWN TO BRODIE'S BIRTHDY: 1 day.
COUNTDOWN TO MISS KINNEY'S BIRTHDAY: 6 days.
COUNTDOWN TO MEG DOG'S BIRTHDAY: 16 days.

It is highly disappointing that there will be no 4th Annial Birthday Party Round-Up this year. It actually breaks my heart into a million pulsating jello-covered pieces and scatters them in a sticky mess all over the new carpet. It's a social disaster if you ask me but there's not much I can do about it aside from commit ritual homicide against my hillbilly neighbor, and I don't call him hillbilly in the good sense of the term. I don't think he speaks with a hint of twang and rocks out from time to time but he MIGHT be a result of inbreeding.

You might say that I'm mean today as that is the general concensus but am I not allowed to have my moods? Some people may think I'm not and that I should have sunshine coming out of my ass and eyesockets but that would be quite painful and unrealistic. Underlining thought: I am having a "day" and everything around me is making my skin crawl which is actually quite disgusting. I hear that alcohol is the only cure for this and I believe it whole heartedly. I'm going to have to buy a few shots and pour them in my wounds to clean the infection that is brewing.

In other news, tomorrow marks Brodie rocking the globe for 1/4 of a century. Who would have thunk that he would have made it this long without burning out in a rock-n-roll lifestyle/live fast, die young fashion? He is an inspiration to all of us younger generation of rock-n-roll hellcats and if it wasn't tacky, I do believe he should wear a crwon marking him the King of Rockin-n-Rollin. So, Brodie, we salute you.

10 June 2003---5:48p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Reverend Horton Heat "Holy Roller"

First off, it really anoys me that when I say I find Marily Monroe, Bettie Page, and Dita Von Teese hideously ugly, that people feel they can tell me I'm wrong. You can't fucking tell someone they're opinion is wrong. That's like someone tell you they don't like cannage and you just throwing that out the window and telling them they do. So fucking uncalled for. They are ugly tit-bags and I don't dig 'em. If you do, that's your business. Get out of my ass.

So many birthdays, so little time. All my purchases for the June Birthday Tri-fecta have been made and I am truly looking forward to the Fiesta del Casa Brodie later this month where shit will be fucked up proper. I'm escorting said honey pie Brodie to either dinner or drinks on Thursday followed by a more girlie event on Friday to celebrate Miss Kinney's birth (and I didn't even have to make those plans...who would have thunk it?) As for Senorita Meg-Dog, I must get my GBV ticket this week eventhough I will have to blow off a Comparative Religious Thought event concerning Buddhist Monks and colored sand which is actually quite thrilling and makes me want a Monk like Meg wants a donkey.

I have a Panera tomato and mozzarella salad waiting for me because I am all emotionally effed. I don't know if it's because My Girl Flo is going to pay me a visit but it seems that every bad things that has happened in the past few weeks (along with one or two lingering from past years) has just hit me like a drunk trucker in a semi. I'm just going to try and pamper myself until I can schedule some bullshit with Dr.Tom. I'm all about therapy now. I think everyone needs it. If you say you don't, you need it the most.

When drunk, I told Lisa Marie I would learn to play drums in order to be in her all girl band. There is one large problem with this and I'm sure you know what it is: I don't like girls. I like Lisa a lot but I don't liek girs and there I'll be promotong all girl unity. Good tyhing no one cares about the drummer (unless you're Mr.Quintron and have a drum buddy) and I can blend it.

9 June 2003---4:58p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Hellbillys "Blood Trilogy"

Look, plain and simple, if I say that I think Marily Monroe, Betty Page, and Dita Von Teese are all horrifically ugly, I can NOT be told that I'm wrong (insert plethora of exclaimation points here). That is my opinion. It just really razzes me that I'll see one of them and make an ugly face (because their ugliness is contagious) and someone will say You're so weird. They are pretty/hot/good looking. You're wrong. It's funny that you think that because they're so pretty. Not to me, motherfucker. To me, they're like looking at ebola on a platter made of teeth. This whole topic is irritating me.

Congratulations to Brodie on closing the store all by himself on Saturday. It's strange to hit maturity, isn't it? MAKE IT STOP. I got a nice e-mail from him and it made my day. DYNOMITE ROCK.

9 June 2003---4:58p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Hellbillys "Blood Trilogy"

Look, plain and simple, if I say that I think Marily Monroe, Betty Page, and Dita Von Teese are all horrifically ugly, I can NOT be told that I'm wrong (insert plethora of exclaimation points here). That is my opinion. It just really razzes me that I'll see one of them and make an ugly face (because their ugliness is contagious) and someone will say You're so weird. They are pretty/hot/good looking. You're wrong. It's funny that you think that because they're so pretty. Not to me, motherfucker. To me, they're like looking at ebola on a platter made of teeth. This whole topic is irritating me.

Congratulations to Brodie on closing the store all by himself on Saturday. It's strange to hit maturity, isn't it? MAKE IT STOP. I got a nice e-mail from him and it made my day. DYNOMITE ROCK.

9 June 2003---12:31p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "Sing the Sorrow"

My anti-drug is Ritual Sacrifice. Seems like the drugs would be safer. God bless you, Dave Clark Five.

Ah, the 1st Annual Beer, Blender, and Broads Ball was a lowkey success and there was nary a police car in sight and the only damage remaining is a somewhat sticky kitchen floor and a few casualties (Queen B left after a mysterious illness attacked her, Miss Kinney and Mr.Keen started a quiet war that errupted with a dramatic exit, and Lisa Marie had intimate moments with the toilet). I sampled a little of everything which in turn made me sample a morning hangover.

Frankie Lymon vs. Frank Sinatra? You decide. I'm staying out of it but I will say thank GOD for little umbrellas. I was sad to see the Knife and Switchblade go when there was so much partying left to be done but I was glad that a too-drunk-to-drive Brodie (I was told her was too drunk...I'm not sure because I was too drunk) took a brief siesta before departing. I'm not sure he liked his birthday Space Ghost watch but I do so I just may have to steal it back. SOMEBODY CRACK A WINDOW IN HERE. Something felt odd though and I can't place it. There was some weird air at this gathering that was not as comforting as other events. Either way, I felt posh and that's all that matters.

***My cell phone is busted so if you need to call me, call my house and if you don't have long distance, call collect. No big thing.***

I start my Comparative Religious Thought class today and for once, I'm really glad to be in school. I like the routine I've got going. It forces me to get certain things done early and get out of the house for some good, old fashion helpings of education. This also means that my workshop is over and I will never have to see the high school teachers who rides a motorcycle ever again. Every day is a blessing.

Lords of the Highway CD release on Saturday, made possible by the fine folks at Rock-n-Roll Purgatory. I'm damned excited because I would throughly enjoy a new CD of theirs not to mention a few ice cold beers as I am back in the game after swearing off alcohol for a brief period yesterday. I'm crossing my fingers that "100 Dollar Hangover" and "The Devil Made Me Do It" make the grade and that my cousin is bartending that night as I appreciate a first free beer. I'm going to go even if I have to go by myself (it seemes like some of my rocker friends are dragging) because, for one reason or another...Athlete's Foot not being one of them...my feet have been itching to get into my dancing shoes.

If anyone feels like doing anything on Friday, let me know. I feel like I'm always initiating plans and perhaps that makes me too eager. I don't think I am an alcoholic but I do think I am a good combination of socialite and event organizer. Social calendar activist, perhaps. I don't like to sit at home on the weekend, that's a fact. Don't make me do it.

7 June 2003---11:10a

Um, I just got a job. It was sort of out of nowhere but starting early (the stress was on EARLY) Monday morning I will be the newest employee of the Record Courier. All in all, I'm pretty much a glorified paper girl but I guess the money is good, and gets better if I am willing to do front porch delivery. I don't care if I get 5.00/hour...it's more than I'm making now and my patience for eBay is running out. I have to meet with the lady tomorrow morning (this fact will not, however, stop me from achieving the ideal balance of still drunk and hangover). But HOORAY, I'll be able to start removing tattoos and Pirate can get off my back about not having a job. YEEEEEEEHAW.

7 June 2003---9:42a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Stray Cats "Tear It Up: Live in Helsinki 1983"

Happy Birthday Dean Martin, you old (and actually quite dead) so-and-so.

I did so much dreaming last night that it was practically frightening. One of the dreams was about about being at a Las Vegas casino with the Knife, Brodie, Switch, and Pirate and the theme was horror...and it scared the pants off of me. I was terrified the whole time I was there because it was so gruesome and gorey and people were threatening and I was wearing a HORRIBLE outfit. It was like a nightmare inside a dream and it sucked. My poor brain is exhausted but I have work to do.

I am totally obsessed with the song "I'm a Boy" by the Who. I can't stop listening to it.

In the final movie shown during my Cinema, Sex, and Censorship workshop, a live birth was shown. I'm never having babies...EVER...becuase they rip you apart, gush red and GREEN out of you, burst forth causing a backed up flood to protrude, and then they end up being blue like little aliens. I'm not down with that.

Pirate is getting my name tattooed on his arm as we type. He kept making jokes about mispelling. I didn't think it was so funny myself.

In conclusion, I am adding Paris and Nicky Hilton, and Chole Sevigny to my list of peopel to bitch slap.

6 June 2003---7:12p
MUSIC TO BLOG TO: Los Gatos Locos "Psychobilly Baptism"

As the 1st Annual Beer, Blender, and Broads Ball draws near, I can say that for once, I am ready ahead of time and anxious to boot. I went and did my pre-party preparation and you're lucky I'm not popping the cork now. And for anyone who's interested in what to bring, I will now inform you on what NOT to bring (and in reference to my previous entry, YES, I did mean to say that I might get CLASS in my eye. If I don't have it anywhere else, why have it in my eye???):

My BBB Ball Purchases, y'all
Strawberry Shortcake pre-made (vodka)
White Russian pre-made (kahlua)
Strawberry Daquiri pre-made (rum)
fruit (strawberries, limes, lemons, marashino cherries)
30 cans of Miller Lite
1 bottle of Asti purchased for 3.33
1 bottle Peach Schnapps
drink umbrellas/parasols
flamino drink stirs
orange juice
1/2 bottle generic rum
1/2 bottle vanilla vodka
drink glasses
1/2 bag of ice
tunes

I think that's it. I think anyone can feel free to bring anything else for the festivities. I think my head's going to wind up in the toilet. YEEHAW.

5 June 2003---9:45a

In this month's Cosmo...please don't think any less of me as I DO in fact have a brain in my head...a woman wrote in who didn't want to sleep with her boyfriend anymore because they had acted out HER rape fantasy and she wanted him to stop and he didn't because he thought it was part of the game. I don't have much more to say about that. I just think that's a dangerous line to cross. Statistically, a large percentage of woman have that as a fantsy. It kind of makes me want to puke all over my lap.

The forecast calls for rain on Sunday. I know it probably makes me a bad friend to wish for rain when Meg-Dog has a horse show but I'd much rather secure that she'll be here at the 1st Annual Beer, Blender, and Broads Ball. Call me selfish. I can handle that.

Preparations for the Ball are coming along in the most lovely fashion. Today's "To Do" list calls for the purchasing of tiny umbrellas and swoards. Don't lose your tiny umbrella as you only get ONE. No one has informed me of whether or not they are bringing anything so I guess I'm going in to my shopping blind which is never good where alcohol is concerned. I could get class in my eye.

I had a very "child molestar" moment at the laundromat the other day. This ancient man who kept his detergent in a butter tub and wore a t-shirt with a bear and a wolf (very hippie and very lame) on it was totally hovering while I folded my underwear. I could practically feel his tabacco breath on my neck. I almost needed to change into one of those pairs of undies, it was so eerie.

2 June 2003---2:51p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Immortal Lee County Killers "Essential Fucked Up Blues"

What in the rotten HELL is emocore and/or screamo? What the HELL does that mean? I'm getting awfully confused with all these lables nowadays. I really don't even know what punk is. I thought Minor Threat was punk but I guess they're hardcore. Then there's pop punk and hardcore punk and WHEW...I am worn out. I think you can only listen to classical and be sure what you're getting...and what you'd be getting would be garbage, by the way.

Brodie is my date to the 1st Annual Beer, Blender, and Broads Ball because "The Mister" will be out of town.

2 June 2003---12:21p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Johnny Cash "Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison"

Let me tell you this, if you want to get "lucky", than get some lucky bamboo from a Tops grocery store and put it next to your bed. And while you're at it, put some reinforcement stitches around your neck because your head will undoubtedly fall off.

THIS SATURDAY, JUNE 7th: the 1st Annual Beer, Blender, and Broads Ball. Come one, come all to this first annual event. Beer, fruity drinks, music, and elitest attitude will fill the air of the Puss-n-Pirate ballroom here in stunning Kent, OH. Bring something to throw in the blender (not like a severed limb...more along the lines of daquiri mix, rum, some goofy pre-made hoo-ha manufactured by Friday's restaurants) as beer, fancy glasses, and fruits associated with cocktails shall be provided along with music to dance to. This is a perfect opportunity to throw on some fancy duds, strut your stuff, and bable like a wealthy drunk idiot. Please RSVP by Friday.

2 June 2003---9:32a

Welcome June, the month of birthday's and celebration galore. You could also poetically translate this into "a month when 3 of my most dear friends sprung forth from their mother's wombs which calls for alcohol and music to ease the pain of that blood-splattered and gooey memory". There are gifts to buy, indeed, and alcohol tolerances to build (not for me, of course, as I am a champ). So birthday kids, I salute you. And with that, I will list the June calendar for all the rockers intertested in rockin' through June:

JUNE CALENDAR, Y'ALL
Friday 6/6: Psychocharger and Cowsligers at Lime Spider
Thursday 6/12: BRODIE'S BIRTHDAY, Ted Leo and Radar Secret Service at Lime Spider
Saturday 6/14: Lords of the HIghway CD release at Beachland
Tuesday 6/17: MISS KINNEY'S BIRTHDAY
Friday 6/20: Huey Lewis at TCA
Saturday 6/21: How About No and the Comix at Pit Clevo
Sunday 6/22: Brodie's Shin-diggity-dog, ROCK ROCK ROCK
Friday 6/27: MEG-DOG'S B-DAY, GBV at Lime Spider, Buzzcocks at Peabody's, Journey, REO Speedwagon and Styx at Blossom (my heart is aching for you Steve Perry
Saturday 6/28: Cult of the Psychic Fetus and more at Beachland
Sunday 6/29: Sexual Tension and Crimson Sweet at Lime Spider, Alphabet Bomber at the Beachland

Wooooooooo...that should ignite enough hangovers to keep us truckin' on through summer. Wouldn't y'all say? In light of all this rockin', I really want to start a local music 'zine...all music, all Ohio, if they come from out of town, they're fair game...and not only to get in free to a bunch of shows or whatever. Brodie and I talked about doing this one million times but it just doesn't seem like 2 people can get it all done when it comes to interviews, reviews, going to shows, taking pictures, shooting the breeze, layout, whatever. IS ANYONE INTERESTED in being involved? Let me know if you are. Now on the lighter side of rockin', I have knickers that to be warshed, as they say.