You can call me rude, just don't call me anymore...

28 February 2003---1:13p

How is it possible that Richard Marx, Cheap Trick, and Patrick Swayze wrote the top make-out songs of 1988? That's kind of gross. On that note, Micheal Ian Black is the funniest man alive, I have a weird unexplainable thing for Mo Rocca, and the episode of Conan O'Brien with Ted Nugent was, as they say, beath taking.

27 February 2003---4:44p

Forget what I said about Lords of the Highway. THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS are playing in Towson, MD tomorrow night at 8:00p. It takes only 6 short hours to get there and the tickets are 20.00. Weather pending, I'm going. When I missed them playing with Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players (who rumor has it are touring with what is left of the Grateful Dead this summer...sigh) in New York not too long ago, I felt like dog ass. I can't let it happen again. If anyone wants to come along, I wouldn't say no. The wagon train is leaving at 2:00p.

However, if I have to go alone, I'll probably be destined to get a flat tire or something which would rot ass. In the case of abandonment, I'll be going to Columbus and the wagon train will be leaving at...I dunno...6 or 7?

27 February 2003---4:31p

I am sick of being the only one who makes plans. I am always the one trying to get everyone together to do stuff and I'm pretty bored with doing it. Besides Meg-Dog asking me to be her stand-in date for GBV last Friday, I really can't remember the last time someone asked me to do something or initiated plans. I'm on hiatus and if this means I don't see anyone I know for a month, so be it. I'm just tired of wrangling people up and touching base with everyone. It's exhausting.

That being said, I will still remind the audience about the Piranhas show at the Flood. It would be a tragedy to miss...though the keyboards are pointless. I will have to rub it in hardcore if Switchblade misses it. Also, if anyone is interested in going to Columbus tomorrow to see Lords of the Highway at Skully's...I'm probably going to go.

And for the record, being a married person is not going to change me or the way things run at all. So put that in your pipe and smoke it...and choke on it.

27 February 2003---12:49p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Amazing Crowns "Payback Live"

Mr.Rogers may be dead but my Dad is alive after having a heart procedure this morning. I'm not going to talk about it because if I do, I risk becoming short of breath and dizzy like I have been ever since my sister called to fill me in. I just have to move on or go crazy.

Last night was my farewell night time routine in the old bed as the new PLUSH and QUEEN SIZED matress and box sring come tomorrow. Bon voyage, old chum. You have seen a lot of activity in your day. People, including myself, have made "sweet lovin'" on you, you've been peed on by cats and humans alike, you've had holes burned in you and beer spilled on you, you've been thrown up and wrestled on (not simultaneously), you've seen laughter and tears. You were a good matress and even though you are just going in what will now be the "spare bedroom" reserved for when people are too drunk to drive or Pirate pisses me off, I doubt anyone will sleep on you after I just divulged all your secrets. Thank you and good night.

I went on a date last night that included a movie, snacks, and beer and we actually left the house. I was a little tipsy. I refuse to divulge whether or not my date got lucky. I smoked too much and my breathe smelled stale this morning. I faintly remember The Nuge being on Conan O'Brien and sitting in with the band. Ah, The Nuge.

24 February 2003---7:25p

I'm not into long and drawn out musical babble but there are 3 quick notes I'd like to make before I forget.

1. "Brick" by Ben Folds Five is probably the saddest song I've ever heard in my whole life. I think it is the definitive sad song and when he says the line about being tired of lying, I feel my heart break.

2. "Sick City" by The Fuses is a brilliant song and if you haven't heard it yet, you should definitely give it a listen. The music and lyrics have this fantastic meshing ability. It makes me want to sing it really loud and I want to learn how to play it on guitar really hard so that my forehead sweats.

3. "Bleed Black" by AFI is now my favorite AFI song and has brought them back into my good graces. It takes all the rad elements of AFI songs and puts them together. It is really a fantastic piece of work and makes owning "Sing the Sorrow" all the more worth it.

Honorable Mention to "Sooprise Package For Mr.Mineo" covered by The Mummies (originally by Supercharger). I didn't want to like it because of the lame ass spelling (thought I mispell that wprd sometimes by sheer stupidity) but I do like it. I like to tempo and get really into it when the guy says stab the motherfucker in the back at the end of verses, yet not at the end of the song where he repeats it over and over.

This has been a spurting of Sourpuss musical genius. Rock out with your cock out.

24 February 2003---3:50p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "Sing the Sorrow"

I've got 10 minutes before Trading Spaces starts to play catch-up with y'all. Friday, I waqs lucky enough to spend some quality time with Meghan as we joy-rode down to Columbus to see GBV. Here are just a few high-lights (if you need more high-lights, feel free to visit Meg-Dog's blog): we got lost, some hilljacks were behind us in line, my ankles were frozen, beer was 3.00, I had to move my car during a song I liked to the middle of effing NOWHERE but luckily some dude let me in a "back door", I had to go to the coolest bathroom ever but lost Meg so I had to stand alone, GBV played for 3 hours, some old fucker tried to make arrangements for some sick perversion between him, me, Meg, and some fucker named Joe, I got punched in the ribs by a drunk, a dude whose name should have been Floyd tried to pick me up, we went to Denny's and I lost my mind, Meghan had a phone call, I had a phone call, I pulled in my driveway at 5:00am to find Pirate asleep with a full beer in his hand. I was up by 9:00.

Saturday was Becky's birthday and the tid-bits of that event are as follows: went to Best Buy, picked up Becky, went to see my folks and show them my engagement ring, ate cake, shot the shit with my Mom, drove to my Grandma's to "break the news" and she confused Pirate with Brett, ate steak, drove home, got dressed, watched "Touched By An Angel", went to the most WHITE TRASH bar in creation, sat down, lost my mind due to exhaustion, only had 2 beers (3.00 AGAIN) and a coke, couldn't believe the band we were seeing as they played Lynard Skynard, ZZ Top, and "China Girl" by David Bowie which is on my Top 10 Hated Song list, went with Switch to Taco Bell, got in bed with a sick Pirate. Woke up at 10:00...sick.

Spend my sick day sleeping, watching movies, and being disappointed not only by the Grammy's themselves, but by the fact that the bassist from No Doubt AND Bruce "Who the FUCK made me the BOSS?" Springstein were involved in the Joe Strummer tribute where they sang London Calling, which is a pretty boring song, yet it took 4 dudes on 4 guitars to pull it off. I am, however, fonder of Dave Grohl every day.

This morning was also insane: found out the great flight we had for Las Vegas was booked so I FREAKED, filled a prescription, made a doctor's appointment, saw Dr.Tom and he hypnotized me and now I feel like my bones are made of jello, changed my major and was told I do NOT have to take a language (YEEEEHAW) and that I can center my degree around future plans to go into Culinary Arts and fatten you peeps up, came home and found a BETTER Las Vegas flight and BOUGHT the tickets, picked out my Summer and Fall schedule.

It is now 4:00 and I am going to watch my show, take a nap, and make Pirate go to the Loft with me because I was a taco and a beer and some Pirate time since I've barely seen him in a week...maybe this will help our marriage to work.

21 February 2003---1:26p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Reverend Horton Heat "Holy Roller"

Well, I'm OFFICIALLY engaged. I gathered up some guts and told my Mom who is probably spreading the word as we speak. She was concerned about Pirate's profession but I reminded that he HAS a job unlike some of my past partners and she relaxed. I was so nervous for no reason considering she was so calm and cool about it.

Wow, I read this after I talked to you. You know--a phone call that starts with "I have something to tell you" is interpreted in my head as "I am pregnant". So, congratulations on the ring and not being pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Silly Mom.

20 February 2003---4:46p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "Sing the Sorrow"

Yesterday, for the first time in my entire life, I read an entire book in one day. "Go Ask Alice" must have been a good book because when I was done, I was so emotionally effed. I recommend it to anyone who has a spare 5.00 to buy it. Totally effed.

Knife almost gave me a Vegas sized heart attack. Effed.

19 February 2003---5:05p

Many, many hugs, kisses, licks and sexual perversions to the Knife who graciously and with a wicked grin delivered a piano into my life...and carried it into my home. I rushed right out and bought "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Playing Piano". I'll be putting Billy Joel to shame in no time. Feel free to leave tips. Once again, thank you Knife. You are, as they say, a trooper and my hero. I am buying you dinner tomorrow and you will eat with a smile on your face, sir.

While out shopping for books with Pirate, who is at this very moment having his picture taken for the upcoming issue of Kent State's magazine, The Burr, we made an extra purchase: a new bed. It made me emotional considering it's our first joint furniture purchase. It's a rad bed. And better yet, my rad Mom is buying a new matress. I will christen it in her honor. Yuk yuk.

I will never own a faux link blanket and that is probably for the best since I am clumsy and spill and Pirate is clumsy and falls asleep with beer in his hand.

19 February 2003---9:07a

I was invited to hang with my dude Byrne and her Dad yesterday evening at the Loft, which is one of her Dad's favorite old "haunts". Becky and I were there a bit early, partaking in Happy Hour. I don't think we knew how much fun we were going to end up having. He was one rad dude. Drinking, smoking, seeing the Rolling Stones. He even bought us tacos and pitchers of beer. It was hours worth spending. I'm officially adding Dad Byrne to my inner circle. And man, I was a rebel...I didn't even make it home in time for Gilmore Girls. After Becky punked out, I got to spend some quality time with Pirate but I was too tipsy for much intellectual conversation.

I'm going to be a body piercer when I grow up.

In a short time, I will have a piano. What for? Just to clutter up my already cluttered apartment a little but more. It was an aniversary gift from my Dad to my Mom awhile back...I mean in the early days, pre-offspring. It's something worth having and passing on, just in case I decide to pass on my genes to pass things on to. Chopsticks, here I come.

80's Night tonight? It's a possibility. I'm glad Brodie talked to his check because he was whining and whiners must be silenced.

First half of the new AFI album is satisfactory. More like the album that has something about sailing in the title more so than "Art of Drowning". Mix mope with metal and shroud it in Lithium and you'll get the picture. My ear hurts. No rock for me today.

18 February 2003---1:45p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "Sing the Sorrow"

His nuts are gone and yet Johnny Cat is still Mr. Humpalot 2003. At least his drive for what he loves (i.e. humping) hasn't disolved. You've got to respect a neuter for that.

17 February 2003---1:09p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Heart "Greatest Hits"

The Anti-Romance Valentine's Day weekend was a heart shattering, projectile vomitting success. I celebrated the day of love at the Heartbreak Ball with Lords of the Highway and I think all the members of the Wrath Pack can agree...they were ON and so were my dancing shoes. A few beers, a few smokes, a few friends and some rockabilly makes a person appreciate the somewhat hated holiday and count their blessings. What do you know? Still warm, the blood that flows in my veins.

The next morning brought about utter chaos from the moment I left my bed in order to properly prepare for my V-Day fiesta. Everything came together as it usually does with the addition of some Pirate posters and an evil owl lamp that apparently has a twin. There was just the right amount of people there and 1/3 of those people threw up. Some people threw up all over. Some people threw up only a little. Some people threw up in a plastic bag I was holding. Some people feared that they threw up in a paint tray. All I know is I danced and had one of those conversations with Brodie that you wish would keep going all night...but you're drunk so it can't or you'll pass out and fall down the stairs...and I ate one too many conversation hearts that were personalized with phrases like "Ink is Poisonous". Happy V.D.

NO MORNING HANGOVER. That was a SHOCKER considering I drank Jager (my enemy) and one too many tooters and jello shots. Clean up was minimal and was followed by lunch and chick flicks. I miss Sundays like that. However, once I got home, I had a break down in the arms of Pirate (who looks good in a cowboy hat, by the way). I feel like I've wasted 6 years in school and 4 of those years with the wrong guy so now that I have the RIGHT guy, why do I still feel so shitty? Emotional scars. Those are good momets to have a Pirate...especially one who always knows what to say.

Johnny Cat is getting his nuts cut off as we speak and poor Dr.Nightmare is having surgery on the world's smallest feline uterus. No more funny toes babies and no more fuzzy testes. Sigh. Makes a person sad. Sex organ surgery was follwed by brain prodding by Dr.Tom who also always knows what to say. He's the smartest dude in the world and he took good care of my scarf over the weekend.

So here I am, prepping to e-mail the Wrath Pack members the final Las Vegas plans. We get to cause havok West Coast style for an extra day. I'm going to write "WIFE" on my knuckles...after I have too much to drink. For now, I need some breast. Some chicken breast. Thanks everyone for the good weekend.

13 February 2003---6:20p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: (still playing Air Supply)

I can make the runner stumble. I can make the final block. And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle and I can make all the stadiums ROCK. Oh, yes you can Air Supply. Yes you can. And I can make tonight forever or I can make it disappear by the dawn. And I can make you every promise that has ever been made. I can make all your demons be gone. Wow. Who knew Air Supply had this mych power. Point: my CD rocks.

In response to my past entry that I've entitled For Those About To Suck Cock Instead of Rock..., I have recieved the following response from one Johnny Switchblade via e-mail: okay...who's the loser that won't be at the party on Saturday? rockin' out with friends vs. pussy...you'd think the decision would be easy.... You would think that, wouldn't you?

13 February 2003---1:39p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Air Supply "The Definitive Collection"

What exactly does "You're Every Woman In the World To Me" mean? It pretty much gives me the creeps. There are more than a few women out there that I would not want to be associated with (Tatum O'Neal, Kathleen Hannah, Brodie Armstrong, etc.) And who sang "All I Need Is The Air That I Breathe"? I guess I just signaled in on the whole "air" concept and assumed it was Air Supply. It's not. Whoever tells me wins a prize...and that prize is a copy of the Definitive Air Supply Collection. I can't wait to rock out with Brodie to "Even The Nights Are Better". His alternative lyrics make me feel...alternative.

Um, so, yesterday...we bought a ring. A ring of fire. And it burns, burns, burns...and it'll be ready next Thursday.

Once upon a time, I new a dude who rocked. He was what they call "a rocker". He was a "party guy", if you will...and you WILL! Yet, when news of a rockin' "Screw Romance! Slap my ass RAW!" Valentine's Day celebration equipped with beer, liquor, jello shots, pitiful love songs from the 70's (with Heart's "Barracuda" stuck in for good measure), and the occasional beer bong came up, he said he might have to pass...for a girl...that he barely knows...and wants to get to know. Now I don't know about you, but I think that, well, doesn't rock. Now don't get me wrong, I want every guy I know to shack up with chicks, even if it's only for 5 minutes tops. It's better than mummifying you penis in paper towels (which I recently learned some guys enjoy). Still...unless you are a prisoner of the opposite sex...like an unsatisfied alcoholic concubine...you should fulfill your duties on this Earth if you want to get in to rock-n-roll heaven.

I have a therapist. His name is Dr.Tom. I love Dr.Tom. Dr.Tom doesn't think I'll ever be able to speak Spanish. Dr.Tom is smart. His brain is worth millions.

11 February 2003---3:04p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Demented Are Go "Alive and Rockin"

Valentine's "festivities" at my whore house on Saturday. Hell, screw calling them "festivities", let's just call it a party and move on. There's no need to feel you have to be lovey-dovey and all that shit...just be there and be liquored up. I might make mushy CDs featuring Peaches and Herb's "Reunited", so if you find a drunk hussy and want to pull her into the bathroom to "make with the love", feel free.

FROSTED HEART SHAPED COOKIES (that was to entice a certain someone who shall remain nameless).

11 February 2003---8:38a

My birthday was a smashing success for the first time in 4 years so I'd like to thank all who participated and I'd like to spit on all those who didn't. Actually, I'd like to stab them with a fondue skewer and then dip their flesh into the boiling cheese/oil/chocolate. Whomever would like to eat them may.

7 February 2003---11:36a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: IT'S MY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY

On this day 24 years ago I was born at 11:21am, and I like to remind myself every year that I was just in time for lunch (and in case anyone cares, when I say the word "lunch", I ALWAYS think of Kraft Maccaroni and Cheese in the spiral shapes). I just rolled out of bed where Pirate had the NERVE to ask me, on my BIRTHDAY, to get him something to drink. But it was worth it since there were ballons, streamers, flowers, coloring books, and candy down there. I was really giddy. I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY and I love the birthday milkshake I am drinking right now.

I hope my Definitive Air Supply comes today. That would make my day ten times better. Or if I heard STYX on the radio. Dude, that would be CLASSIC. I have 6 hours to lay in my bed in my pajamas before I have to groom for the night's festivities. I better get a jump start on that.

6 February 2003---2:16p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Reverand Horton Heat "Holy Roller"

I have a new birthday tattoo. It was done by what I like to call a "professional" and not some slack-jawed yocal with big hair and expressive hand gestures. It is big...the tattoo as well as the Italian hand motions. It is "hurty" (I learned that word last time Becky has a visit from My Girl Flo...not to be confused with My Gal Friday). It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen on a human being in my entire life and people will want to make out with it. Am I bragging? You bet I am. I have a right to. I am going to be 24 tomorrow.

Did I mention that tomorrow is my birthday? It is.

4 February 2003---6:21p

If I have to see that car commercial with the John VanderSuck song in it again, I'm going to smash my television over my head.

Going to PA tomorrow to get my birthday portrair tattoo of Vampira. It's going to be tender (sorry Meghan, but the word had top be used) and agonizing but probably worth every second.

I bought the new Best Of Reverand Horton Heat today. 24 songs that rock my socks of including an unreleased version of Folsom Prison Blues. It was worth every red cent.

4 February 2003---11:59a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Amazing Crowns "Payback Live"

Saturday was a rip roarin' and slightly drunken event. A total success to say the least. But while I'm busy saying the least, I'd like to re-state that I HATE JAGER but I love Sugar and Dennis A.Bell A.Murder for letting me in for free and pumping me full of drinks...and for letting me babble in the microphone during "40 Acres". I asked her twice and she said 30 sticks of dynamite...I also thought it was 40 but...well...bug deal. I'd like Byrne for trying on a bra and flashing nipples at a porn store at 3:00am. It was the most successful start to a birthday week ever in the history of my birthdays. And by the way, I will soon by "Gambling Like a Pro" thanks to Meg "This Tastes Like Vanilla Coke" Dog. I like to rock.

I got my new addition of "The Wave", which informs me of all my high school classmates engagements, marriages, births, college graduations. It makes me feel ill. I mean that.

I had an interesting birthday celebration with my family on Sunday that was quite reminiscent of "Good Fellas"...I had a slight hangover. My Dad built me an easle (which has nothing to do with "Good Fellas" or my sister's desire to sleep with Ray Liotta). It's incredible and I actually laid in my bed with it for a few minutes because I find it so utterly sexy. I'm going to christen it by painting something inspired by "Where Eagles Dare" for Switchblade, which I've been meaning to do. I also got 2 John Waters' box sets which made Becky happy enough to eat dog shit because she hasn't watched "Pink Flamingos" in a while. That's her favorite movie.

Just to make Brodie jealous, I'd like to state that Dr.Nightmare, Attorney-at-Law, has turned a new and bizarre leaf and is crawling all over me as I type. Wait...fantasy over. She just started gnawing on my knee, that little mitten pawed freak.

My crush on the Good Charlotte guys should be based on temporary insanity.

Yesterday, the Camel cigarette company set me a promotional pack of their new flavored cigarettes that come in the tins. First off, the tin is RAD ASS. Secondly, I got a kind called "Izmir Stingers", which I have yet to try. According to the pack, the perfectly accompany Highballs as well as "your favorite shot" so I'm bringing them to the bar for everyone to sample. Byrne and I went to 101 Bottles last night and got a pack of the "Twists" and they were YUM but 6.00 a pack, yo. It's costly to be hip and trendy.

Speaking of hip and trendy, I'm going to be riding high in the saddle because Brodie bought me a cowboy hat for my birthday. HOT HOT HOT...I'm talking about the hat, but Brodie's cute, too, though not as tendy as my NEW HAT. I do have a BIRTHDAY REQUEST: I want everyone to draw me a picture on a regulation sheet of typing paper in marker and crayon. It can be anything. I have that fold up picture thing in my house and I want to fill it with funny crayon drawings from my pervert, demented friends. Get on it. You have until Friday. God, I love my birthday. I like being the boss.

1 February 2003---6:05p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Danzig "Danzig 1"

TODAY STARTS BIRTHDAY WEEK. It is officially my birthday until next Saturday. If you see me, be sure to swap a bodily fluid with me (that was FAR cooler than saying "Kiss me, it's my birthday").

As promised, I bought a new pair of jeans so I will never wear Pirate's pants ever again. PIRATE PANTS...it just rolls of the tongue like vomit. I know some of you liked to make fun of me for my addiction to said pants (and my addiction to heroin which was much less entertaining in my opinion) but now the laughter must stop.

I was really jazzed about watching "The Big Chill" on television today because I like dead people and the Rolling Stones and I forgot. SON OF A HOT FIERY CROTCH, that's what I say. Instead, I've been watching a "Real Life" marathon on MTV all day and now I know that I not only must get a nose job but I need some lipo and lip injections and round it all off. MTV said so. They speak, I listen. I am part of what peopel call "the masses".

Johnny "I just had a hole poked in my chest to drain out the flood of nasty fluid that was swelling" Switchblade will be here in one hour upon which we are going to kidnap Byrne...Mary Byrne...and party. And I mean PARTY...party with the big dogs. Byrne said it may be a "puke in the parking lot" kind of night. Oh yes, it surely will be...for everyone.

I got an e-mail from my old pal Milt giving me all sorts of tid bits about the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players. Seeing them play "Look at Me" on Conan O'Brien...man, that would be second only to seeing the Danzig episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which I have not. RACHEL TRACHTENBURG IS THE BEST DRUMMER IN THE WORLD. The BEST. This includes the one armed drummer from Def Leppard.

I'll admit it, I'm having a hard time concentrating because I'm pondering the lyrics to "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Stones and wether or not it's better to get what you want or what you need. Right now, I want and need Miller Lite.

I bought the definitive collection of Air Supply. I'll be happy to burn it for anyone. Only cool kids like Air Supply.

31 January 2003---9:35p

Not only do I throughly enjoy the new song by Good Charlotte, but against the wishes of Brodie, I have "crushes" on two of the guys in the band. And yes, one of them is the dude with the goofy eyeliner.

I returned my wedding shoes. They were TOO white.

If anyone got the queer-ball survey that Meg-Dog sent around, may I express that my favorite answer to any question was given by Johnny Switchblade when asked What Characteristic Do You DESPISE?: the characteristic of thinking you're just one witty motherfucker and a barrel of laughs, when in fact, you don't have a thimbleful of wit. and you're boring. and dumb. and probably a gay. is there a term for this characteristic?.

Tomorrow kicks off birthday week with the Lords of the Highway show that Meg-Dog and I are going to be EXTREMELY tipsy at. I'm going to have to inform Dennis A.Bell A.Murder that if he wants to make sweet hillbilly lovin' to me, he better do it before March 25th because I'll be a married woman and then it would be "coveting thy neighbor's wife".

I wonder if Conan O'Brien makes sweet hillbilly lovin'. I know that he did the famous String Dance with MC Hammer and I was frightened. While on this note, why did I have a crush on The Coreys (Feldman more so than Haim) for so long?

Paul Cox should redo my blog for three reasons. Number one: my birthday is coming up. Number two: he actaully said that Avril (whom Pirate likes to call "Avon LaFritz") rocks his socks, which we know is a phrase reserved for powerful occasions. Number three: he hasn't written me a secret blog love note in forever and when he does, it's about another woman. HOW I SUFFER.

30 January 2003---2:29p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Demented Are Go "Alive and Rockin'"

Whenever I listen to the live version of "Busted Hyman" by Demeted Are Go that I have, I always think sparky says "old hillbilly bee keeper" before the songs starts but I'm going to guess that's NOT what he's saying.

Drinking two percent milk tastes like drinking butter.

Well, not only did I just buy my birthday tiara (which I will be donating to Meghan post-events) for Saturday's Rockabilly Birthday Bash, which has the theme of 24 and Tacky, but I also just bought my wedding shoes and they are H. Wedding shoes. Who would have thunk it? Pirate asked me last night if it has sunk in at all that we're ctually doing this. I asked him if it has for him and he said he wouldn't have asked me if it hadn't. Well, he never asked me. Just like he never asked me to "go steady". He said it's going to be a big surprise and I guess I'll get a ring or something. Getting a ring won't be quite as wacky as getting a husband. Some people are being nothing but negative creeps when it comes to the pending nuptuals and all I can do about that is laugh. I can't be responsible for everybody's happiness. But everyone who thinks this idea is just crazy enough to work, I've moved you ahead on the list of who really counts. Regardless, if the marriage fails, at least I've got these fucking hot "wedding shoes". Hot, hot, hot.

Meghan is a horse Mom again. Congratultions and welcome Lucy. I'm not sure how to spell out the sound a hourse makes so I'll just say YEEEEEEEHAW.

I'm getting really sick of this whole trend of wearing ties with t-shirts. It's gotta go. It should go back to Cananda and take that Avril chick who's supposedly responsible with it.

Avril rocks my socks, yo! -- paul

27 January 2003---10:05a

I watched the Super Bowl yesterday. I routed for The Pirates, and if you don't know who they were due to all the swords and eye patches and skulls and what not, I'll tell you this...they were from Tampa Bay. I'll say this, it was a good game which doesn't mean much because I don't know shit about football. I know that the Dixie Chicks did a mean National Anthem and that the half-time show on NBC was great because it didn't feature No Doubt. I also know that when I got home, there was a Trading Spaces marathon on and Pirate let me watch two episodes in a row. It was what I like to call "HOT".

I believe my pal Switchblade returned to work today. I haven't talked to him too much since surgery which sadens me. But as long as he is in tip-top form for the rockin' and rollin' that will take this place this weekend and next (to celebrate my birth, of course. I'm taking a tip from O'Malley and her birthday celeratinf procedure of making it last a whole week. I've had shady birthday's the last couple years in a row but I won't name EXs who made them that way. This year, I hope you guys have to carry me home), then I say his surgery was an ass-kicking success. Speaking of ass-kicking, Sealab 2021 was quite entertaining last night, with my favorite part being when Captain Murphy said You have a mission. It's to find Quinn's ass...and KICK IT. Oh yes, quality television watching is a priority in my little life.

Today, I am going to start working on my Spanish or I won't graduate and have a worthless diploma to line my litterbox with. I had to redo my whole fucking schedule due to...INSANITY. So now, Monday, Wednesday and Friday are reserved for learning a language I will most likely never speak again because I don't have anyone to speak it to but perhaps I will say dirty and insulting things about the people I don't like that surround me daily. You're all recruited to flash me...my flashcards, you perverts.

Went to a party on Saturday. Not much more that that to discuss about it except for the fact that I got to tell my "glass-in-the-chest" story. There were lots of gals there I would have gleefully suggested Brodie and Knofe make moves on...if they weren't all lesbians or nut-bags. I have a round stomach and I think it's from too much Cracklin' Oat Bran.

23 January 2003---5:40p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Los Gatos Locos "Psychobilly Baptism"

Besides celebrating the fact that Switchblade came out of surgery in one piece (one revolting piece with a tube that drains watery blood into a pouch that has to be emptied) and declaring Brodie an almost-offical member of the tattoo club (he will be in Pirate's infamous tattoo chair in about an hour), I really don't have much to say. On that note, I will leave y'all with some rock-n-roll trivia that Switchy clued me into. Thanks to some music website, I figured out what the No.1 songs in the UK and USA (in that order) were on the following dates of birth (I could only remember some...sorry):

Me: Heart of Glass by Blondie and Le Freak by Chic
Switchblade: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor and Tragedy by the BeeGees
Pirate: Under Pressure by David Bowie and Queen and Physical by Olivia Newton-John
Meg-Dog: You're The One That I Want by John Travolta and Olive Newton-John and Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb
Brodie: Rivers of Babylon by Boney M and You're the One That I Want by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
Miss Kinney: Ring My Bell by Anita Ward and Hot Stuff by Donna Summer
Becky: My Sweet Lord by George Harrison and One Bad Apple by the Osmonds
The Knife: You're the One That I Want by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John and Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb.

DAMN IT, I wanted the song by Boney M. I mean, COME ON...Boney M. or Blondie??? It's no contest. We all must have been born during the height of disco. I'm destined to bring back Hot Pants.

I almost cried watching "The Big Chill" today.

20 January 2002---1:15p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Cramps "Songs the Lord Taught Us"

If anyone needs an idea for my birthday, feel free to donate money to my ADIOS AFI BAT Tattoo Removal Fund. I was informed of a good place in Warren to get the job done and my goal is to get this heinous beast off my chest by summer for many reasons: they did a shitty job, I can't stand the whole high necked shirt thing in front of Mom and Pop anymore, I want a full chest panel many, MANY years down the road. Donate 1.00 if you feel the need. It would be greatly appreciated. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. It may sound impersonal, but it would make me happy.

Saturday I'll admit that I dragged ass as far as being a rocker goes. I don't think I had more than 2 beers and even the comforts of the Loft didn't help me much. Hell, we didn't even make it to the Zephyr. And I don't think I was the only one dragging either. Everyone just seemed mopey and tired, longing for the pleasures of home, except maybe a much wealthier pirate who even offered to buy beer for the night...he made us cool buttons instead. We ended up at my little whore-house watching Saturday Night Live, after I made a pit stop with one Johnny Switchblade/Pee-Pants who once again managed to wet himself AND my car seat. Getting the box of Crackling Oat Bran was worth the incident. Watching him sing "It's My Party" which scared away to older folks was also worth it. Either way, watching Ray Liotta in "The Falconer" was the funniest event of my whole life and I can't wait until that episode re-runs. I know Brodie will back me up.

Yesterday started with breakfest which was follwed with spending the day with pirate's Mom which wasn't as nerve shattering as I thought it would be. It was actually quite fun though it still shocks me sometimes to hear someone's Mom say words like "cum" and question whether or not pirate and I get rough with each other before we "do the big it". It was still entertaining. I also met Grandma and Grandpa Pirate and my GOD does that old man have some sexy Italian eyebrows. HOT. Mom Pirate announced mine and pirate's pending engagement to everyone and it's the first time I saw pirate blush. I was refered to as his "future wife". It was HOT.

The night only got better as I bought "High Fidelity" on DVD, we got take out Olive Garden and then watched the Golden Globes...sans clothing. The only downside was when my chest kept itching and itching (and I usually itch when I get nervous so pirate was yelling at me to stop scratching but I couldn't) and when pirate finally checked it out, I had a shard of glass sticking out of my chest. I SWEAR I am a glass magnet. I am calling Brodie right now to tell him about it because everytime I am wounded by glass, he needs to be notified.

EVENT UPDATES:
Saturday 2/1: Lords of the Highway w/the Cap Gun Cowboys and some other band that considers themselves "Emo-Billy" at Johnny Nemeth's Lounge. This is my big rocking celebration so anyone who doesn't show will be talked about behind their backs.
Friday 2/7: This is my ACTUAL big 2-4 so I am planning to get really drunk at the Loft and tell everyone what good friends of mine they are. This will be followed by a birthday slumber party at my whore-house. Be there or be slaughtered in your sleep.

18 January 2003---5:53p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Sifl and Olly "Songs of Season 1"

You know what scares me? The full-length Thriller video. It always has and it always will. You know who's ugly? Jackson Browne. Things will never look up for that guy. You know what stinks? My breath. You can't blame me since I religiously brush but when there are big holes in the back of your mouth, God only knows what gets stuck back there. Coat that with some old and dried blood and skin...you better hold your nose. You know what I can't wait to do? SMOKE. It's been exactly 2 weeks since I had a cigarette and tonight I'm smoking. It's probably going to feel like heroin and I'm probably really going to like it.

I think I freaked out the pirate last night when I said I didn't know how much longer I'd be drinking. Now that wasn't a declaration of a decision to STOP drinking. It was more or less a nod to the fact that I haven't really been drinking that much since Thanksgiving...I think the last time I was "drunk" was when the Rock-n-Roll Purgatory folks came for a visit. This is very unlike me and I send my apologies to the Miller Brewing Company. I'm really going to try and make up for it tonight because although I feel great with the life changes I have made lately, I think I would feel better if I had somewhat of a grip on the old me as well. Either way, I think the pirate feared that I was changing. I'm not. I'm me. In a few hours, I'll be a drunk me and then everyone can sleep soundly.

I may be an outgoing and liberal person, but there is nothing sexy about a teenage girl touching herself quite inappropriatly in front of her horse. He didn't ask for that, you know. I also don't find it AT ALL appropriate that you can actually view the above mentioned porn on the web but ONLY if you guess the size of the poor horses "bits". People are pigs.

I am adding Tara Reid to the list of people I want to bitch slap and if I ever find out who invented flared denim (which obviously erased the whole market for straight legged jeans), I will kick them.

17 January 2003---9:40a

Not ONLY did I actually pay off some of my credit card, but today, I am going to open a checking account. I have gotten so old in the past 72 hours that I feel sickened. Hopefully tonight at rockabilly bowling, I'll get silly drunk and do and say stupid things which will help me regress. Being around Brodie always helps...HEY, that's a compliment, fool.

Today I get to go to my post-surgical follow-up which of course makes me quite happy. I like to have my teeth examined. Some of my stitches fell out which was pretty nasty but whatever. I have cable, so that made up for it in so many ways.

I have to consider getting rid of Johnny Cat Knoxville because the 5am raping sessions of Don Gato are getting old.

14 January 2002---3:17p

According to my dude Badtz Maru (who, in case you don't know, is a nasty little penguin born on April Fool's Day in Oahu, Hawaii. A bit selfish, Badtz-Maru tends to make fun of things he thinks are silly. This mischievous little penguin loves to fight for the wrong side. His hobby is collecting pictures of movie stars who play bad guys. And his dream is to be boss, of everything), this is my fortune for the upcoming year:

If you were born in February...
Your Overall Fortune: This year your dreams come true. Everything you attempt goes well. On the other hand, flaunting your success could make others envious and breed ill will, especially among those of the same sex. Listen carefully to advice offered by parents, teachers, and others with lots of experience. And don't forget to say good morning!
Love: You may fall so deeply in love, you are oblivious to all else.
Friendship: You make lots of new friends. Some may turn out to be friends for life.
Lucky Month: 3,9
Unlucky Month: 10
A little advice from Badtz-Maru: If you're tired, close your eyes and imagine yourself at the seashore.
Lucky Item: piggy bank (luckily for me, I just happen to have a Badtz Maru piggy bank so I'm all set for the year).

I am going to the movies with the Knife soon and then I am going to trick him to going somewhere to get dessert because I really want dessert. I had my first real food today: a bowl of Vegetarian Vegetable soup that took me almost 30 minutes to eat but it was worth it. My jaw is still kind of sore and my post-surgical bruises have started to appear. I look like a victim of a wife-beating, but I am not. My boyfriend kisses me even though I have kitten-breath and he thinks my stitches are neat.

13 January 2003---1:52p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "Girl's Not Grey (single)"

I'm getting really attached to this song for whatever reason. It's so effing cathcy. Um, it's got a good beat and you can dance to it, or whatever. I'm going to listen to it the entire time I blog and then I will make a final decision on where I stand. It's got a stupid title I know that. What the Hell does "Girl's Not Grey" mean?

I desperatly want to eat a bowl of Campbell's Vegetarian Vegetable soup but seeing as I couldn't quite handle a mini-peppermint patty this morning, I see that my only option may be Farina. If you put cinnomin and sugar in it, it tastes like a cookie. A snickerdoodle to be exact. The Bread Man says you can't say "snickerdoodle" without laughing. He's right. He's also right when he says A pie without cheese is like a hug without a squeeze.

Everyone keep Meg-Dog in your thoughts. Rough seas ahead and rough seas suck. This year hasn't started out on the best foot, I'll tell you that much.

So, I got back in bed this morning with pirate and had the weirdest dream. Brodie and I were at a gas station where he was checking his e-mail and I was buying cigarettes (though in reality, I haven't smoked since 1/4). When we left, we heard on the radio about how this military group had secured wristband radios onto all these women who fit into a certain group: attractive but not gorgeous, healthy, shoulder length auburn hair, mid-30s. These radios played classical music and certain songs could actually impregnate the women. The goal of the military outfit was to eventually come and harvest all these babies for some reason or another. But only certain songs would make the miracle. So Brodie and I saw a woman getting into her car with one of these radios on her wrist and we asked her why she just didn't take it off. She told us that the music was really soothing and it helped her deal with her stress. She said she'd rather chance hearing one of the songs that could impregnate her (I guess if you were really preoccupied or sleeping, you were safe) than take it off. Brodie and I were really laughing our asses off but then is started to snow so we got in the car...then we realized that the woman we were talking to was pretty much a zombie now and we got pretty fucking scared. The end.

Since I started meddling in the whole "eBay" industry last week, I've made 303.50 selling crap I found in my closet. Someone even bid on my "101 Nights of Grrreat Sex" book. Brodie's heart will be broken...1 part seductress, 1 part slut. And I ask you this, who can fit a table and chairs into their bathroom and who owns enough sand colored towels to create a beach facade??? And in closing, does anyone want to hit the bar on Friday to celebrate the removal of my stitches and the first week of school being over?

I like this song. Big things are going to happen for this so-called "AFI" band.

13 January 2003---9:07a

Today, someone found my blog by searching for What is the main difference Cherry sees between the Socs and the Greasers in the book "The Outsiders"?. What is the difference, indeed.

I am not going to my first 2 classes today because my face is still swollen like a balloon and my skull feels like I've been wearing a rubberband around it. There's no way I'd be able to concentrate and I don't want to humiliate myself in public. I went to bed before 10:00 last night trying to prep...no such luck. I am a deranged chipmunk. Good luck to the rest of you school-bound children.

Supposedly, Paul Cox is going to change the lay out of my blog soon. I need a vacation from the bloody skull if you can believe that. Speaking of bloody skulls, I'm putting mine back to bed.

11 January 2003---4:44p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Weston "Splitsville"

I've been ditched for rock-n-roll, y'all. Everyone gets to go see 8-Ball Grifter and Lords of the Highway except for me because I have developed jowls and look like the female equivalent to either Arnold Schwarzenegger or Davey Havok. I could probably go and make it through the night but I wouldn't want to embarrass myself by doing a whole "I am not an animal" type speech and I haven't had anything except one carton of strawberry yogurt since my lunch date with "The Medas", as I like to call them behind their backs. I didn't want to be alone tonight (because no one wants to be alone when they're sick...it's scary) but I didn't want to be pitied either. Fuck that, I can take care of myself. I have "Clash of the Titans" as a babysitter.

I don't care who wants to say I'm grouchy but this year has been pretty cruel to me this far. I am like God's never ending practical joke. But on the other hand, I did get a postcard informing me that my uncle has past away and left me a 40.00 fortune but I have to stay overnight in a "topless haunted house"...lubricating oil will be provided for me.

11 January 2003---12:08p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "Girl's Not Grey (single)"

I am currently listening to "Girl's Not Grey" off the new AFI CD due out March 18th, "Sing the Sorrow". It's not bad. Catchy. Vey much in the vein of what was on their last album. This may be a prediction that the new album won't be too horrific...except for that during the first 5 seconds, I was almost positive that Davey Havok was free-basing Estrogen. I'm listening to it again.

I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday and this is pretty much the first time I've been out of my bed with the exceptions of when I wanted to go downstairs and get some yogurt and when I had to go into the bathroom to throw up said yogurt. I am so effing swollen, it's ridiculous. I'll have to miss the Rock-n-Roll Purgatory show tonight which rots and my boyfriend IS going which also rots. It's fine that he's going, I told him too because what's the point of him sitting here watching he cry and whine when my meds wear off? It's just not fun to be alone when you're sick and I, my friends, am sick as a dog. I've been spitting blood into a priority mail box and struggling not only to get down but KEEP down my painkillers. I'm glad no one is here. I look ridiculous and feel even worse. This sucks.

In fact, while we're at it, this whole week has just sucked dramatically. I was already physically and emotionally grouchy but now I'm in effing agony. They wouldn't even let me keep the teeth. Something about it being a health hazard. Whatever. I have to go lay down because I can see my own cheeks with my peripheral vision and it's making me want to kill myself.

I also want to kill myself because I watched "XXX" last night but fell asleep during "Clash of the Titans".

9 January 2003---8:25p

As some of you may know, I temporarily had a retarded break down over the death of one Joe Strummer. Yeah, I love the Clash ("Rock the Casbah" was my first favorite song) and all and I certainly was shocked by his "non-suspicious" death, but that didn't mean I needed to trun into a raving cry baby circa Kurt Cobain over it. But one day two weeks ago, I cried twice in one day over Mr.Strummer. To make matters worse, when I described this emotional outburst to pirate, I cried again. I thought I was finally over it all simce when I had lunch today with Tony Rocky Horror Meda and Meghan "Man-in-a-Bra" O'Malley, I reiterated the story with dry eyes. Not two seconds ago, I finished watching an episode of the Simpsons where they kept refering to their "doing it" as to "Rock the Casbah"...didn't cry. Then during the closing credts they played the song of the same name and I wept openly. I'm a wuss-bag.

I'm getting my wisdom teeth out at 7:45am and I am going to try my hardest to be in tip-top shape for the Rock-n-Roll Purgatory show on Saturday. I'm a trooper. If Brodie can ride bikes the same day he got his teeth out, I can rock 36 hours after the fact...or so I hope. Pray for me y'all.

6 January 2003---3:53p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Misfits "Earth A.D."

Woooo...I just learned that the "4th (eventhough, I personally thought last year was the 2nd) Annual Rockabilly Freakshow" is at the end of March. I insist that we go and try and acquire a new glittering cowboy hat (speaking of which, Pirate said I could have his so Brodie, you're off the hook for my birthday now). YEEHAW.

6 January 2003---11:44a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY:Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players "Vintage Slides From Seattle Vol.1"

Wow, I had so much fun (and beer) at the Beachland on Saturday that I think my head almost exploded (and it felt like an explosion HAD, in fact, occurred IN my head the next morning). I was kind of cranky when I got there because Pirate and I had this stupid conversation (the ones that shouldn't be had but you just keep talking eventhough your ears are practically bleeding) in the car that I should have just killed but instead, I really let it get to me. I didn't want to drink or talk to anyone or even be there really. But then someone put their hands over my eyes and I thought These hands feel and smell like girl hands and lo and behold, it was Miss Kinney. I must have hugged her for 10 glorious minutes straight. From then on, I was the happiest camper alive...I couldn't even believe she was there and would be watching and dancing to Lords of the Highway with me. Sure, I did get tackled by one Lisa Marie from R-n-R Purgatory but I guess if you're going wrestle with a gal, she might as well be pretty, and we all know I don't say that often. LOTH were grand as always...and I danced my pants off, just as I claimed I would. I had a great dance to "King of the Road" and a REALLY great dance to "Twenty Flight Rock" with Pirate. He initiated it and it was one of those dances you want to tell your children about (if you HAVE children, which I don't...as far as I know). I think it's important to have good dancing chemistry. It's like having good oral hygiene...by the way, when we got home, Pirate brushed my teeth because I was too lazy. It was hot.

I felt great (and I had a new dress on which won't seem so new when I wear it again to my birthday show...the show where Dennis asked me if I wanted to sing with them or if I just wanted to do a striptease. Tempting. Very tempting). Being around all my friends (minus a few absentees...Meg and Tony Rocky Horror were watching Sifl and Olly which is equally, if not MORE IMPORTANT, than rocking. Don't tell Switch I said that) after the "jam" and the "jam resolution" finally helped me let it all go and realize that things are going to be alright.

IN FACT, I think everything about this year is looking up. I really like the fact that beer makes people say things that they might keep inside on a regular day. If you ask me how the GC5 were, I wouldn't know what to say because I was so wrapped up in conversation with the Pirate about other people's relationships which turned into a discussion about our relationship and our future and...well, conversations like that make a girl feel mushy. I've finally got a relationship where I look at the other person and think without a second of hestitaion He's the one. I pretty much thought I was destined to be a loner that happens to have boyfriends (if that makes any sense) with no future plans but all that's changed and I don't care if the Knife wants to laugh his head off if/when I get married...I'll probably be laughing the loudest. I think I deserve this, for whatever reason, and I'm going to treat it like gold. Every girl should be so lucky to have a boyfriend that buys her a little Japonese spoon that seems more like a ladel (after we had breakfest at the IHOP with Brodie...whose blog I'm boyvotting...though we did NOT get to sit with our favorite waiter, Joseph, but we did get to shoot the breeze with him. I love you, Joseph). It's romantic and I don't give a fuck. I'm a new person...while pretty much being exactly the same.

In other news, I think my move back to Parma is going to be postponed until summer 2004, friends. My folks said I didn't have to leave here so if I can stay and do nothing but save cash...it would be stupid not to, everyone would agree. But you may want to relish the time up till then because after the Kent-era comes to a close...it MIGHT be bye-bye Ohio. Everyone has to make big decisions about their futures and this one is mine. Next item of business, my birthday is one month from tomorrow and as you all should know, it is my favorite day of the year. So keep that Friday open for boozin' and prankin' at the Loft, not to mention the previous Satyrday is my big B-Day shin-dog at Nemeths. I hope everyone planned accordingly.

We like death. Yes we do. We're going to see the graveyard and the hanging, too. It could have been you if the foot was on the other shoe.

4 January 2002---1:06p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Stray Cats "Runaway Boys: A Retrospective"

I am officially out of my jam and now I'm ready TO JAM. God, I was in quite a bind as most of you know but I've been given a second chance (actaully, I was given a second chance once before so...am I at three now???). I think things are looking up. WAY the fuck up, actually. I don't deserve all the chances I get, I know this, but I am going to treat everything like gold this time around. Everybody in the world can laugh at me if they want to, that's fine, but I believe that I had a higher power sitting at my side on Thursday. Man, I was ten shades of white that day but IT'S OVER and I've survived. Thanks to everyone for their back up. NOW WHO'S GOING TO BUY ME MY FIRST BEER TONIGHT? I need to drown my panic. Eventhough everything about my "jam" is over, I still haven't been able to let it all go...it's stil sitting in my stomach like a rock...but not for long. I don't care if I have to throw up, I'm shaking this feeling tonight.

Speaking of tonight, I'm going to dance my socks (and maybe more) off at Lords of the Highway. I'm even going out to buy myself a new shirt from the good old mall in a bit so I can look all fancy schmancy for my boys. I told pirate that I wanted to be the prettiest girl in the room...totally kidding and all...or am I? This may sounds retarded and all, but I sort of like being the only girl who travels with a group of "fellas". I don't mind being one of the boys. It's fun and I always have someone to dance with.

Speaking of dancing, I practically danced right out of my chair watching the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players on Conan last night. They played "Look At Me" just like I hoped they would. Look at me, look at me, I'm someone's drunk uncle. Look at me, look at me, I like Simon and Garfunkle. Genius. They rocked so hardcore...and my darling rosebud, Rachel, was superb. Conan really seemed intrigued and baffled by the whole thing they had going but it was incredible. I've been waiting for it since November and it was so worth it. I have to be sure to tape it on Monday when Comedy Central reruns it. BRAVO TFSP...BRAVO.

2 January 2002---8:44a

Arrrrrr...I just got a phone call. It is WAY too early to get a phone call, I think, but I don't care...it was a call that couldn't be avoided. I'm in a bit of a jam, actually, and I learned about this so-called "jam" on New Year's Eve (no, I don't have a baby growing in my tummy though when I told Brodie that was what was up, I saw the be facial expression ever in the history of that very expressive face). Fact is, I've had this "jam" swimming around in my skull since the mail came on Tuesday and today at 3:00, the "jam" will either be solved or be the death of me. I only told 2 people because I really can't handle discussing it right now. I really think I might just throw up. Even if you're not Catholic (a.k.a. PERFECT), pray for me. I'll need it.

Went to my Grandma's for lunch yesterday which is a family tradition. Pirate taught my nieces and nephews how to play the dreaded C-Lo (I'll never forget that horrific night when I lost all my money) and right as I was about to snap a photo, little Megan rolled a 4-5-6...what are the odds???After deciding that watching pirate touch a baby's foot was the cutest thing I'll ever see in my lifetime (is this one of those moments where I'm "talking funny"?), we went to see Lords of the Rings. I decided I liked the second one far more that the first. Call me crazy, I'm into Aragon...not in a sex way, but in a warrior way. I was way into the tree dudes, too. Go trees.

Ugh. I wish I could fall back asleep. I'm probably going to go to this little "jam resolution meeting" and then come back here and fall into a deep coma. That'll be alright with me, I guess. It would be better if my pirate could fall into the coma with me so I guess I should give sleeping NOW while he's still in the bed another shot. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. My life could be totally over in a few short hours. ARRRRRRRR. TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS on Conan TOMORROW NIGHT. Also, Saturday is the Rock-n-Roll Purgatory CD release show at the Beachland Tavern. Be there or be square, ya'll.

There's a house at the top of a tree. There's a house at the top of a tree. In the house there's a room. In the room there's a chair and sitting in the chair is you.