1 January 2003---2:02a

The only thing I learned about anything by having a New Year's Eve party is that I am not the person I wanted to be at 24. I have the words Hide the Hammers 2002 written on my arm right now and any Wendi O. Williams fan (which I, personally, am not) will know what that's all about. This past year was pretty much a bust and I have little hope for 2003. Please don't think I'm being over dramatic or anything...it's a very adult thing to realize that things are the way they are and they probably won't ever change, no matter how much you wish it.

30 December 2002---2:50p

I forgot to mentiont hat I spent money I don't have at the Collector's Warehouse on 8x10s of the following women:
1. Veronica Lake
2. Elvira
3. Betty Grable
4. Ingrid Bergman
5. Grace Kelly

30 December 2002---1:31p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Mamas and the Papas "Greatest Hits"

It's the last Monday of 2002 and I'll be glad to see it go!! In fact, I think the theme for this year is best illustrated by The Ramones song "Glad To See You Go", which will be a definite song selection at tomorrow's shin-dig.

You know how people say you have on and off years? Well this one was a totally "in between" year. I mean, it sucked hardcore in several parts (school sucked, for half the year I had a freaky relationship, Joe Strummer died) but then it really rocked in others (saw some good shows, had nifty times with friends, met my pirate). I guess it just makes me iffy on what direction 2003 will be pointed in...I don't like feeling iffy. However, I have a rad boyfriend and I'm excited about next semester, even if it's going to be busy...I'm close to graduating. I made good New Year's Resolutions...I have high hopes.

Band practice yesterday was a bust as we had no drums. But no worries...starting the band was a New Year's thing so as long as we have a good practice next Sunday, all will be right on track. Rock.

I feel horrible regret about not going to see They Might Be Giants and the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players this weekend. I held off because I was afraid of driving in Manhattan and I didn't want Pirate to call off work just to drive 7 hours with me to see bands he's never seen (but MUST SEE) before...but he offered and we would have had a good time. My new buddy, Milt T., even gave me directions to the New Jersey subway to New York which probably would have saved me money and headaches AND he gave me a full weather update which eased my mind about NY weather insanity. But alas, I didn't go...and I should have. I'm pretty dead set that it would have been incredible. When I ask Milt T. for an update, I'm going to ask him to lie to me and tell me it was only "OK"...and then I'll have him tell me the truth and I'll probably throw up.

On the plus side of it all, Milt T. also told me that the two bands are doing a tour next year of the South West and West (I think that's right) so Pirate and I are already planning a mini-vacation, a little road trip to see a show together!! That was his idea and it means a lot to me...he's rad and I know he'll totally get into TFSP because they are funny, talented, informative, and as a drummer himself who loves kids, he'll be a Rachel Fan like myself. So...all is not lost. And my payment for the TFSP CD I ordered was accepted! I look forward to some serious rocking out!!!!!

In other news, I want to be a roadie when I grow up.

28 December 2002---4:55p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Pixies "Bossanova"

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2003
1. Start band with Brodie and Pirate(The Blood Buckets).
2. Learn to write left handed.
3. Start new 'zine with Brodie about our "record label" and the "bands" on it (free publicity for The Blood Buckets).
4. Draw one GOOD picture in my sketchbook daily.

28 December 2002---4:04p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Muffs "Blonder and Blonder"

The following are my thoughts on conversations that took place last night. I feel the need to get them off my chest. This is purely my perception and interpretation of the words exchanged. Nothing personal.

So I've had something on my mind since last night's bar hopping episode with the Rock-n-Roll Purgatory folks. Brodie and I were discussing...actually, I'm not even sure exactly what we were discussing but the topic of wether or not the girls that Brodie had dated had potential came up. I said that they didn't have potential upon which he gave me a seriously nasty look and told me to fuck off or fuck myself or something involving "fuck" as a verb.

I explained that it wasn't a put down to him OR the girls...but none of them were long term relationship material, NOT because they weren't good people...it was just circumstancial. The Meg-Dog thing wasn't going to happen and I knew it, she knew it, pretty much most people in Parma knew it. He looks back on her fondly though...I know that makes it sounds as if she's dead. She's not and she rocks, it just wasn't meant to be. Batty, well, I thought Batty was the best of the bunch. Besides the linebacker-esque shoulders and the goth thing (which is a genre of music and dress that I NEVER got), she was truly nice and the stories I hear made them sound ultimately compatible. Jew-lie, well...everyone in the world can say that he only broke up with her because his tight-ass circle of friends made fun of her but Knife and I agree that he would have done it anyway because she just wasn't smart enough (you have to be plenty smart but not AS SMART as Brodie Einstein himself). And Mary Reily is a totally cool person outside from a bad hair color but the first time it didn't happen because neither of them wanted it to go past where it did and this time, she's NOT AVAILABLE. The previous term sparked the next conversation.

I tried to drill the fact that Mary is not available into Brodie's head because I, myself, started a relationship with someone who was "not on the market" and it turned my life into a nightmare for a whole year followed by three years in a boiling hot Hell. I just didn't think it was worth his time to go for an unavailable girl. And OK, yes, the past two relationships I've been in started before my current relationship ended...that's a whole other reason to stay away from taken people, I know first hand. There are PLENTY of available girls if you just go out and look for them, or even just let them find you. It takes patience.

Still on the subject, Brodie questioned my stance bringing up the fact that I wasn't single before some of my relationships began and also questioning when the last time I was single was. Maybe since he's known me, or since most people have known me, I've been in a relationship, sure, even back-to-back-to-back relationships. Well, so what? The fact that I've dated a lot has to do with the fact that there are a lot of fish in the sea and I like to go fishing, I guess. I don't need to date, I just like to and in all of my relationships minus the one where I was a prisoner in my own home and what not, I remained independent and nothing about me changed. I was still me outside of maybe getting into some different bands or different movies because how else do you learn abotu new things besides through other people? And I brought up that 4 of these relationships were meaningful, to which Brodie scoffed. Well, they were. It doesn't matter if some of them ended poorly, they still had meaning and were worth giving a shot. I dated one guy for a year and then he went mentally psycho so ending that relationship was not my choice nor was it something I wanted to do...it still stings. If anything, I was young and scared and once a person goes insane, they aren't really the same person that you were watching movies with the day before. The second lasted 2 and a half years and was good but when a person has the future planned out for both of you and all your choices have been made, you break-up, not because they're a bad person but because you don't want to be a bad person to them. The third lasted 4 years and we all know how bad that started and how bad that ended but it had some good stuff in the middle, even if it was few, far between, and something I never want to talk about again, really. And now, I'm in a realtionship that I deserve...one that rocks and makes me happy and as I learned yesterday, makes me talk funny in this blog. Well, I think it would be better for me to talk funny than to talk about slashing my wrists, eh?

Point is, I think both Brodie and I were insulted because he thought I was putting down his chicks or his dating habits or whatever, and I thought he was giving me a hard time about how many people I've dated as well as my dating methods. I didn't mean to insult him and I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to insult me (though who can tell? He's a pretty big jerk-off...it's a compliment. Nice people are suckers). He deserves a nice and available girl and I am his number one backer...I was just saying that none of the girls in the past have been, ya know, "the" one or anything that would have lasted long enough to write home about. AND I DESERVE A NICE BOYFRIEND no matter how or when our relationship started. So...THERE. I feel slightly...better.

The End

28 December 2002---1:33a

Someone found my blog by searching for "The Pirate Who TEAR Out Your Eyes and Piss In Your Eye Sockets" as well as "Dead Pirates Drinking In a Tavern". Who knew dead pirates could drink?

Switchblade moved my litterbox. I hope I don't go on the floor. As we were walking to me car after drinking for hours on end, Switch could NOT stop "being gassy". He practically gassed some folks off the sidewalk. I was humiliated. He said Ehhhhhhhhhhhh when asked for a statement.

26 December 2002---2:54p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: They Might Be Giants "Dial-a-Song: 20 Years od TMBG"

I woke up in this total shit mood where I was just down right mean to Pirate and I think I bit his head off over a York Peppermint Patty shaped like a snowflake. I rented shitty movies to keep me occupied and decided NOT to eat the mashed potatos I bought because I don't feel like washing a fucking pot to make them in. I was all around grumpy.

THEN I decided to go to Best Buy and try to get the new TMBG compilation. Sure, I had to wait in line for 20 minutes but I got the LAST COPY and it RULES. 52 of their best songs including the adult version of "Robot Parade" and a live version of "(She's)Actual Size)" that has the drum solo bit in it. You would think that this would be enough to cheer me up but there is only ONE THING that could really turn this shit day to gold and that would be if...

I WERE LISTENING TO MY NEW COMPILATION ON THE DRIVE TO NEW YORK, NEW YORK EITHER TOMORROW OR SATURDAY TO SEE THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS AND THE TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS LIVE AT NEW YORK'S IRVING PLAZA. Yes, that is the only thing that could possibly stop me from offing myself. I'M GOING TO FLIP OUT IF I DON'T FIND SOMEONE TO GO WITH ME. I just wanted to make that clear. I will pay for someone's ticket if the need be. I just have to go.

I think I may be sick.

25 December 2002---6:19p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Sam Cooke "The Man and His Music"

For Christmas, my boyfriend got me:
A Snoopy hot chocolate set complete with a tea-pot, 2 mugs, cocoa, and cookies.
A hand painted art deco ashtray.
A painting of a tooth with wings and a halo floating towards heaven.
Sifl and Olly puppets (jealous Tony?)
"The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Mafia".
A hand painted and felt lined jewelry box.
A winning lottery ticket...one buck, y'all.
The collector's edition Pulp Fiction DVD.
"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Surviving Anything".
Spiderman on DVD.
"The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy".
And of course, the Gap scarf which was technically a 6 month anniversary gift. I love him.

With the 50.00 my Dad just gave me, I ordered:
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players CD featuring "Mountain Trip to Japan, 1959" and "Let's Not Have the Same Weight in 1978, Let's Have More".
Sifl and Olly "Songs From Season 1" CD.
3 stickers from stuff-o-rama including 2 SHAG decals ("Two Kittens" and "Evil Alcohol") and a the Sailor Jerry "Poison" sticker.

My Mom had my name in today's X-Mas exchange so she got me:
A HUGE Sketchpad which sparked a conversation between me and my uncle where he would really like to see some of my artwork.
A set of pastels that I opened and they were all peaches and browns and my Mom's like Oh my God, are those all like flesh and skin colors???, to which I pointed out the big sticker on the box that said "SKIN COLOR SET".
A set of soft pastel penicls. My Mom rules.

I am so glad that Christmas is over...the only part worth getting out of bed for was seeing my nephew in a blonde mullet wig with sideburns that pirate gave him. I need to go read

24 December 2002---1:03p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Hellbillys "Cavalcade of Perversions"

God, I just feel like my fucking head could fall off. I mean, I'm seriously going to cry at any moment unless EX ISLAND mysteriously appears out of the ground and swallows my EX whole. I really don't need to be dealing with shit on Chirstmas Eve because I hate these fucking holidays ENOUGH as it is and there's nothing I hate more than crying. And let me ask you this, is 75.00 going to pay a 235.00 bill to the government? No, I didn't think so. Wait...I change my mind. I hate borrowing money from my boyfriend to pay off my EXs debt more than I hate crying or Christmas combined.

I got "I Love (actually, it's a little heart) TEETH" tattooed on the inside of my lip. A little of it fell out already and has to be touched up. I'm tough. I dig dental care. I'm pretty effing stupid, actually. When will this day be OVER so I can have my pirate and wench Christmas party?

I love my boyfriend for many reasons but a big on is that this morning, I walked past the bathroom and he was scrubbing my toilet.

Mary said she's going to make her extra rad potato things especially for Johnny Switchblade on New Year's Eve. HOT DOG, he's a lucky guy.

Merry X-Mas everyone.

23 December 2002---1:02p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Clash "Combat Rock" (vinyl)

R.I.P JOE STRUMMER 1952-2002
"Rock the Casbah" was my first favorite song ever. I was wee and obsessed with the song mainly because there was an armadillo in the video. Pirate and I stopped the scanning radio dial on the ride home last night because a Clash song was playing (I believe it was "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"). Dead at 50 years old and right before Christmas...he couldn't hold on just a few more days??? They say it was an "unsuspicious death" but that an autopsy will be performed. This is really fucking depressing. We had the same favorite Elvis song, "(Marie's the Name) His Latest Flame". I feel awful.

In less awful news, the 2nd Annual Cocktail Party was pretty nifty. Lots of people I couldn't stand were there and I really wasn't in a drinking mood (if you can believe that). But I got to hang out with Meg-Dog and share a Cinnomin Pear truffle (my first truffle EVER), it was devine...and I hope it doesn't cause an Infectious Disease or Epidemic. PLUS, for a little holiday mush factor, after dropping Switchblade off at home, Pirate kept telling me to wait before pulling out of the drive way, upon which he really planted one on me and when I asked what that was for, he said, Because I love you. It made me feel all melty...even more so when I horrible song came on the radio and he changed the channel saying I don't want to listen to this when I'm telling you how much I love you. It was nice.

Yesterday was X-Mas with my immediate family. I made out like a bandit. I got a sticker maker. You just stick a picture inside and pull and the picture's backside becomes sticky. My Sandra Bullock sticker looks rad ass. After a 3 hour post-family function nap, Pirate and I ate Chinese food, watched DVDs, and drank beer. I even won 5.00 off of him for staying awake until 12:43a. It was a difficult task but I succeeded, as I usually do when money is at stake.

Now I have a house to clean and more X-Mas events to get ready for...I can't wait until this whole thing is over with. I am looking forward to my New Year's Eve Mini-Fiesta, though. The last two New Year's have rotted ass so I'm going to do my best to make this one entertaining. And you know what that means? It means I have to make CDs so we can rock out. PARTY MUSIC, PEOPLE. Be there or be square.

21 December 2002---11:12a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Breeders "Pod"

Today, I am cleaning my house top to bottom in preperation for a holiday I hate.

Today, I am finishing my X-Mas shopping because I exchange gifts with my immediate family tomorrow which effing rocks. I lvoe presents.

Today, Knife is getting tatooed by pirate which excited me.

Today, I get to see Meg-Dog at a party which is like a double dose of radness...party + Meg = too much bad assness for one person to handle.

Today, I celebrate 6 months of pirate and wench. AHOY.

20 December 2002---12:39p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Brian Setzer Orchestra "Dirty Boogie"

One count check fraud + one count theft by deception = two counts of having really bad luck picking boyfriends. Yes, I am officially going to win the lottery so that I can set up EX ISLAND. The cost to get your EX sent to EX ISLAND? You just have to show symptoms of getting chills up your spine at the mere mention of their name followed by uncontrollable RAGE and ANGER. I wouldn't fair well in jail, people. Bob the Carpenter is setting up a Keep Sourpuss Out Of Jail jar at their party. Please donate accordingly.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I can't believe I'm almost 24. I can't believe that my two EX best friends are both engaged and graduating soon and that I have accomplished nothing but a very high tolerance to both beer and pain. Pirate asked me to marry him last night but I said no. He was just asking me out of pity. Hmph. I'm no one's pity wife.

My wisdom teeth are coming out on the 10th. I asked Switchblade if he was going to get me Ensure like he did when I got my tonsils out. I mentioned what a sweet gesture that was and how it was probably the sweetest thing a boy had ever done for me and he said I thought when Ezra asked you to dance was the sweetest thing that ever happened to you? It's close. I got addicted to the Ensure for a short time and was a closeted Ensure drinker. I didn't get addicted to dancing to Al Green. Anyway, about my wisdom teeth...I'm going to be sedated but they told me I could wear headphones so if anyone wants to make me a mix CD/tape, that would really be super as I feel like I am losing my children...eventhough some would say they are "just teeth". Just teeth...

I have to paint. Or eat lead paint chips. Either one will relax me, I'm sure. I'm going to the Loft and Zephyr tonight. That will help, too. Becky's coming. She just doesn't realize it yet.

18 December 2002---10:45a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Dead Kennedys "Mutiny On the Bay"

I just made a KILLING on eBay with my Sifl and Olly set. Damn, I am a happy, happy camper. I think I am going to start buying random TV shows...random cartoons. I could make a ton. I'll stick with Sifl and Olly for now. They're treating me well, those little puppet gods.

I heard a rumor...they say you've got a broken heart. But seriously, enough Bananarama...I heard a rumor that it's going to be 52 degrees tomorrow. It'll be like a Hawaiian holiday this year. Thank God for El Nino.

I might be going to Niagra Falls next week. I'm jazzed. I've got my jazz shoes on about it. And Brodie is having a party of sorts of Saturday. I am excited about this, too, eventhough it's an all liquor party and I'm anti-liquor...but I like beer so beer it is. I'll boycotting. And yet another rumor leads me to believe I might see Meg-Dog there. YEEHAW. All of these rad ass events are making X-Mas a much cheerier season this year.

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Meg-Dog's Christmas party. It was Pirate who spiked the punch with too much Jagermeister. I can't help it if I drank 13 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like spermicide.

I thought it was funny when I put Brodie's cock ring on my head and danced the Cramps Stomp on the ottoman while singing `"Bend Over, I'll Drive"'. I didn't mean to break Meg-Dog's clit stimulator and don't know why Meg-Dog would sue me for 4th degree Menacing.

I don't remember calling John's wife a transparent sacrificial goat---even though she looked like one with neon pink eye shadow and clear lipstick!

And when I threw up on Sarah's husband's wisdom teeth, it was only because I ate too much of that rotten asparagus.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my hearse through my neighbor's basement. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a sexy gilla monster and have me arrested for sexual misconduct!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all drunk and sloppy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this smokey stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and softly yours, Sourpuss (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 69 bucks!

God, who doesn't love MAD LIBS???

16 December 2002---12:42p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: B-52s "Cosmic Thing"

When you have a boyfriend that you actually like and you want to spend every red cent that comes into your paws on him, it makes it so much easier to pretend to get into the Christmas spirit...and as you know, I'm not a fan of the event. A little birdie told me that I might be getting books from a boy. That is SO Rory-Jess right there. H, as they say. Way H.

This is the first time in forever that all my girlfriends and myself have boyfriends. It's kind of scary because it leads me to believe people will start getting married and having mutant babies. I mean, we're not getting any younger. I plan on being hot forever though.

I get to do nothing but paint today. These are my favorite days ever where I am perpetually covered head to toe in paint. I love it. It relaxes me and makes me a much more pleasant person. Today is going to be a great day. Nothing makes me happier than good Rockabilly or Oldies music and acrylic paint.

My Dad had one dream in his whole life and that was to drive a lap in a race car. His dream came true in Vegas this week. My sister paid for my Dad to go to like a race car camp where they taught him the basics and what not and then he got to do a lap...maybe a few laps...by himself in a NASCAR. I know he went 140mph. I think it rocks so hardcore for him to be able to make his one dream come true. My dream is to be a voice on a cartoon. I'm not sure I have a cartoon voice though. Anyway, I have a cool Dad. And a cool sister for making it happen. She deserved the 25.00 she won in the casino.

I have a consultation for my wisdom teeth on Thursday. They'll be coming out in January. I want to make them into a necklace and wear them. I love my own teeth. However, other people's teeth out of the mouth creeps me out. Still, I wish I would have been a dentist.

My Sifl and Olly's are kicking ass on eBay, yo.

14 December 2002---5:23p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Debbie Gibson "Out of the Blue"

I would kill a man with my bare hands to have breakfest at the IHOP tomorrow. But instead of killing, I think I'll just call the Knife because he also has a love affair woth the International House of Pancakes. Killing...the Knife...it sounds awfully complicated just to get a stack of chocolate chip stuffed pancakes.

Viggo Mortenssen from all the Lords of the Rings hoo-ha was married to Exene Cervenka from the band "X". That's pretty fucking gross if you ask me. They mated as well. Thank God that mother nature takes care of things because that mistake ended in divorce. WHEW.

I saw a picture in a magazine and sort of thought it resembled Davey Havok. Upon closer inspection, I discovered it was Micheal Jackson.

14 December 2002---12:34p

I got a reply from the EX and he really can't wait to have this situation all worked out because he never wants to hear from me again. This is a highly mutual feeling. I am a hot biotch.

We drank in celebration of someone else's pathetic 33.24 paycheck. Pirate asked some girls to switch tables because there was more of us than them and he proclaimed that he was "Mister Big Balls" sicne he was the only one who wanted to do it. Brodie thumb wrestled with a relatively cute girl and kept calling my friend "Ostrich". I made funny eyes at the girl with HPV and played "Authority Song" on the Jukebox. Switchblade super pussed and slept in my car for awhile where he peed his pants...but not in the traditional way. Some dude I've never seen in my life hugged me and called me a "Punk Rock All-Star" to which I replied I have boys asleep in my car. Mary threw up in her parking lot and the dog licked it up.

I'm thinking that I'm going to have to pass on going to the big bad 80's club tonight becaue I was up all night with my Skeletor/Phyllis Diller voice, sore throat and ear, and alla round nastiness when it came to breathing. Pirate just brought me a Fantasia Strawberry/Banana smoothis and some Wellness Formula bitamins so I'll be in tip top shape to have the "My So Called Life" marathon with Tessa tomorrow. That doesn't take much physical effort and provides nothing but mental pleasure.

13 December 2002---5:38p

I've got Mary on board for the drink-a-thon. I already started painting my fingernails red in honor of painting the town red...with BLOOD AND HORROR. She needs a margarita. I just need someone to fix the beer tap to my mouth and then roll me home.

If you're like me...or Becky...you have lived since 1983 not knowing the real words to Bonnie Tyler's smash hit, "Total Eclipse of the Heart". So now, for your brain enhancement, I will correct Becky from every saying "Living in a corner, GAG, and giving off sparks" ever again.
And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever and if you only hold me tight we'll be holding on forever. And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark. We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight, forever's gonna start tonight.

13 December 2002---3:35

I would like to title this entry First I Get Peed On, Then I Get Shit On.

God, I am so fucking OUTRAGED!! Today was the day...the day that my EX was ACTUALLY going to pay me back. It was all set up and I felt good about it. I got back from taking my Mom's cat to the vet (and the cat pissed all over my hands, that should have been a sign) and there was my ARMY issue hoodie that Sargeant Sullivan gave me so I new the money was there. I looked under the floor mat and there's an envelope with my name on it. However, there was some cash and the rest was in the form of a payroll check. He left me someone's PAYCHECK! It's not in my effing name! All it is is someone's PAYCHECK and I don't have a BANK ACCOUNT nor do I believe that even with this person's signature on the back that a sane person would let me CASH THIS!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRR!

The e-mail I sent in anger and retaliation was as follows:
Number 1, why would you give me a check when you know I don't have a bank account because you bounced all those record store checks (by the way, that is the only other thing I want money for. Fuck the credit cards and the loan but I need a bank account)?

Number 2, why would you give me some effed up payroll check with (insert name here) name on it? I can't cash a fucking check at all let alone one with (insert name here) name on it that's from a Key bank. I don't even know anyone who goes to Key Bank who would do it...nor anyone who would cash a check in (insert name here) name. I'm mailing it back RIGHT NOW to the P.O. Box so keep an eye out for it.

Number 3, why would you give me a check the day that they payment is due? I can't cash a fucking check and I can't find anyone who is comfortable doing it and I couldn't even make it before the banks close so that's ANOTHER charge. YOU FUCKED ME AGAIN!

I can't even fucking believe you...I can not. I almost felt bad about our conversation that other day but not now, fuck that. You screw me left and right and you are eternally going to be digging yourself a hole until you die in it. Mail CASH or a money order in MY NAME.

I am so FUCKING MAD!!! I have to get drunk immediatly if not sooner. If anyone wants to carry my drunk body home from the Loft or the Zephyr tonight, please call me. I mean, I am going to drink and listen to Led Zepplin and the Rolling Stones until I toss my cookies. I know Switchblade will be ready but who else? I mean it, I need a BRIGADE of troops to get me through this evening before I SLASH SOME TIRES AND BASH SOME SKULLS.

All EXs should be sent to special island of EXs.

12 December 2002---4:29p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Cramps "Smell of Female (vinyl)"

Some people are greedy and stuffy with their art. I'm not going to name names. I barely own anything that I've personally drawn or painted because I've given everything away to people who appreciate it more. I don't see the point in drawing something for myself. I mean, yeah, I did the Stainboy and AFI paintings but that's because I wanted paintings like that and they don't exist for purchase but if someone wanted, them, I'd probably give them up. It's not like they're my own original ideas...just my layout...and I could do them again, lickity split. Point is, I think it really sucks when you admire a person's art and they get all uptight about you having it because they want it for themselves just like everything else they ever paint. And they try and make you out to be the bad guy because you just ask for too many damn paintings (this literally translates to 2...2 paintings and one wasn't even anything that special). I guess my feathers are just riled up. Now I'm looking forward to all the X-Mas paintings I have to do. I want the people who appreciate my art to have it. Like I said, some people are stuffy.

I want to start a band and call it Captain Cheerleader and the Lickity Splits. Really, I just want someone else to start it so I can dress up like this red cat with a paper mache head that was on Upright Citizens Brigade. I want to dance with my giant paper mache head on.

Staying at my Mom's last night with her extra soft sheets and pillows, eating good food and watching the huge TV just made me realize that I'm going no where in life. At the party this weekend, a drunk Switchblade mentioned that there's no point in making plans or having goals because nothing you want to happen happens anyway. And worse yet, some people just skate...Mary is going to be a park ranger and be happy for the rest of her life and me? I'm going to roll my diploma up and smoke it. Tomorrow, I am starting my new career as a socialite. I am going to be dressed up at all times, smoking, drinking mixed drinks, and wearing red lipsticks and nailpolish. You can call me swanky or posh.

This Saturday, I'm going to the new 80's bar in the Flats, Culture Club, with Tessa. It has a light up dance floor like in Saturday Night Fever and off shoots that play modern and 70's music. If anyone feels like coming out and "shaking their groove things", do it. I want to dance. I'm not sure if socialites dance or not, but I'm going to, gracefully, and I'm going to wear high heels with my jeans. I want to be drunk until 2003.

Dennis A.Bell A.Murder said I could get into the show at Nemeth's for free on account of my birthday. Hooray for birth. No hoorays for afterbirth, however.

8 December 2002---1:50p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Teen Idols "Pucker Up"

Well, I guess you can revoke my status as a rocker because I totally pussed out at the party last night. While we were waiting for pirate to get home from work, I could feel myself getting more fevery and I was hot/cold and tired. I thought I would get more motivated once we got to the shin-dig but there was an ample amount of people I don't care for there and I was super moody and itchy from being sick so it was a rotten environment. And I know pirate thinks it's all in my head, but at least three people gave me dirty looks every time they passed by me and not one of his friends, outside of his sister, said anything to me at all. I think that's pretty damn lame. I thought at least "Axl" would have said something.

But whatever...I'm not out to win their affection, I was there to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday and I did...for an hour. Switchblade was pretty effed up so we left together (leaving Brodie and Mary to their own devices, which I hear weren't very device-like at all) and hit Taco Bell before I hit the sack for 14 straight hours. I know pirate came in at some point and wanted to help me "relax and feel better" but even I know where to draw the line. He told me how much he missed me and that made leaving the party that much more worth it.

So, I'm thinking about taking a bath because I smell like a sick person (all that drainage gives me bad breath and I'm sweaty), but I'm afraid of drowning. I didn't get to go celebrate pirate's birthday at his Mom's house today which makes me half sad because it's his birthday event and I want to be there with him but on the other half, I'm effing sick and think I would be uncomfortable around a bunch of people I've only met one other time. He didn't even ask me what I wanted to do...which is good because then I would have had to be all whiney about making a decision...he just decided for me that I was too sick.

Before I head back to bed, I'd like to inform all the members of my crew that these are the upcoming events I will be attending, and per usual, company would be nice:

FRIDAY DECEMBER 27: Rockabilly Holiday at the Beachland Ballroom featuring The Bessimers, Ace and the Ragers, The Memphis Mafia, King Dapper Combo, and Cap Gun Cowboys.
SATURDAY JANUARY 11: R-n-R Purgatory CD release with Lords of the Highway, Eight Ball Grifter, the Coffin Bangers, and Blatant Finger at the Lime Spider
SATURDAY FEBRUARY 1: My super exciting 24th birthday drink-a-thon to see Lords of the Highway at Johnny Nemeth's Lounge in Painsville. This event will be followed up with more boozin' and prankin' at The Loft on FRIDAY FEBRUARY 7 which y'all know is the actual date of my birth.

OK y'all. I'm heading to the tub so if you don't hear from me for a few days, let's just assume that I've drown.

7 December 2002---1:51p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Pirates... "s/t"

I was watching a movie where there old ladies were going to see their friend who was upset and one of them said I hope this isn't a REAL emergency because I only brought one bottle of Vodka.

I drank quite a bit at the Loft last night in celebration of Becky taking the day off. Some would say I was pretty drunk but I don't know if that's true. Not even the slightest hangover, which is good for 2 glasses of Champagne, about 7 beers, and 4 shots. I learned that I'm cool because I pumped my fist in the air during "T-n-T". Who knew? All I know is besides all the "spirits" I consumed, all I had to drink during the day was one Pepsi and one glass of Kool-Aid so I was super fucking dehydrated. I woke up in the middle of the night so incredibly thirsty that I drank almost three glass of punch in a minute but I must have drank it too fast because then I threw up.

I was up most of the night because I have a rank cold. I had it yesterday but the combination of showering and drinking fooled me into thinking I was better. But no...I'm not. I was up a lot of the night and I kept pirate up, too, but he was good company. I just have a runny nose, sore throat, a cough, and I'm congested as all Hell...it sucks. I've been wimpering. I think I actually wimpered myself to sleep. Being sick literally sucks the hairiest, sweatiest, most revolting ass. And tonight is pirate's birthday party so I must be in attendance. It's going to be hard to look really hot with snot runny down my face.

All I've wanted to listen to lately is Led Zepplin and the Rolling Stones. I don't know what's wrong with me. Oh, and singing "Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You" had been replaced by singing "Sad Eyes". I got the worst CD ever and we're gonna rock out to it tonight...as much as you can rock to Foreigner, Survivor, Peaches and Herb, and Joe Cocker.

5 December 2002---12:13p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: AFI "Answer That and Stay Fashionable"

My cat may have ringworm. All my cats may have ringworm. I may have ringworm. It will look especially fancy with the hives that broke out all over my chest. Any money I had saved up for X-Mas is now gone as in addition to the vet visit and distemper vaccination, I also had to pay for a scrub, an ointment, and lab work. This fucking sucks.

I couldn't possibly be in a worse mood. The only thing cheering me up is that we found out how to burn our VCDs so now we can seel all the Space Ghost, all the Upright Citizens Brigade, all the Muppet Shows, and all the Sifl and Olly. That's the only way I can get some money in my pocket, god damn it. And I'm fucking sick. I am all stuffy and hot and miserable. Fuck.

Family problems are mounting. I can't even eat my mashed potatos. My hair is going to fall out and I'm going ot be bald. I'm not leaving my room for the rest of the year.

4 December 2002---8:32p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes "Have a Ball"

I just said to Becky this morning that things were so fucking perfect, TOO fucking perfect...I was in love and as giddy as a school girl...that any second things would have to turn to dog shit. Well, they did. My mom said she had the gossip of my life and boy oh boy, did she ever. I can't talk about it now but it's really fucking upsetting and I don't think it's going to be too merry of a Christmas season this year. My mind feels like it's going to explode. I can't handle this fucking shit right now. I don't even know what to think. If I didn't still have a hangover, I'd be getting drunk right now.

Dr.Nightmare, Attorney-at-Law, is making her first appearance at the vet tomorrow for her kitten check-up, distemper vaccination, and hopefully some kind of ointment for her neck boo-boo. Luckily, Brodie had my cat carrier in the back of his van so she won't have to latch on to my flesh for the ride.

I really fucking wish pirate was here.

4 December 2002---3:01

I just got this from my Beachland Ballroom update:

Beachland (Cheap!) Beer Appreciation Night
This Thursday, December 5th, 8 pm

Everybody loves BEER. If you’ve ever been here on our rowdier nights, you know that our regulars love BEER. And if you’ve spent more than one night here at the club, you know that we, the staff, love BEER. So this Thursday, December 8 pm, come partake in this beloved beverage! Hoist a fine preservative-free Straub for .50! Sip a Schlitz for one fine American dollar (), and pop a Pabst "tall boy" for a mere .50! Consume to your heart’s content while watching beer commercials from days of yore! It’s a night to drink and be merry at your winter wonderland on Waterloo, the Beachland Ballroom and Tavern.

4 December 2002---2:49p

Aside from a puking Brodie and a nasty hangover this morning, I'd say pirate's birthday was a smashing success!! We started at the Loft where many pitchers and shots were consumed (and thanks to Switchblade, puked all over the table)...we were quite a goofy group. Then we went next store where all the action started...dancing, non-stop drinking, laughing. My pirate asked me to dance with him to Al Green and that was probably the sexiest thing that ever happened to me. I can tell you this, if I wasn't in love before, I am now. He's the one. I'm going to marry him...HA HA HA HA! Did you hear that?? Wasn't it fucking funny? Well, it's true. I've never seen things so clear. He's the one. I'm a pirate wench for eternity.

Yeah, Brodie tossed his cookies but was delivered home safe and sound. I got home much later...I could say that pirate and I were just cruising around in the Psychobilly Vanbulance but it would be a lie. We stopped off somewhere and "had lunch" as Meg used to say. I'm not going to say where but I will say that when you're done "lunching" and the person you were "having lunch" with is wearing latex gloves and sterilizing things, it makes for an odd post-"lunch" moment. But "lunch" was GOOD...hot!

Speaking of Meg, her project is done, the painting is done, and after finals next week I just might be able to relax. Brodie even bashed up that piece of furniture I couldn't stand. It was hilarious...especially when he hacked through the back of the cabinet with a hammer and very quietly said Here's Paul! I am going to quietly attack you or something along those lines. I also learned that bashing up furniture is "thirsty work". Yeah, I don't quite get it.

I finally broke and ate a candy cane from off my X-Mas tree. Sheeeesh! I learned that Surfer Roza is having a b-day bash in honor of the twins so be there or be square...I mean it. I can't do things like this alone. I need one or more members of my crew there. I need soup.

2 December 2002---1:52p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Liz Phair "Whip Smart"

Happy fucking December! Damn, if that didn't just up and sneak up on me, I tell ya. I like December. I don't like Christmas so much (I do like presents and cookies) and I don't personally like snow but there's something about December...I can't explain so I won't try. Tomorrow is pirate's big 21!!! I've had some of his birthday presents since October so I deserve some congratulations on the fact that I haven't given him his presents yet. I basically forced Meg and Tess to open their gifts because I knew I would die waiting. Anyway, the crew is going out tomorrow and it is my goal to get him as drunk as possible but not SO drunk that I have to clean up his puke or hold his head over the toilet.

I didn't go to that show I was babbling about on Friday. I hadn't been feeling well and I had a lot to do with trying to get my house clean by Christmas not to mention Meg's big project and pirate's gigantic birthday painting. I opted out and from what I hear, I didn't miss much. I'm sure they'll all play again on their way to rock stardom. Knife said You used to be a rocker when I broke the news. Know this, I am now and will forever be a rocker, buddy.

Saturday was my cousin's wedding and Knife and I had a great time. We ate, drank, danced, mingled. My mom even paid Knife 20.00 to try and catch the garter. It truly was a fun event and I wish my cousin the best. It snowed a lot and I was worried about driving home but everything was fine as far as the roads go. I need to invest in a window scraper as Knife cleaned my windows with a crushed soda can. We got mini bottles of Spumante as favors and I made out with 5!!! I had mimosas last night and got a little loopy and I liked it.

Poor pirate was feeling awfully down as someone from the Youngstown tattoo shop died and died quite young. I felt horrible for pirate but he's doing alright now. I think it was just a shock. Not something you want to happen before your birthday. Well, then he brought up that there is no one to run the Youngstown shop and I freaked at the idea of it being him because he said if he had to bve there all the time, he'd get a gun. The fact that someone I love works in an environment where they have to have a gun scared me to fucking death. I was crying because if anything happened to him...well...I know I was over reacting but it was freaky. He promised nothing would happen and we rented a movie and had dinner to get my mind off it. It worked. I love him.

My poor kitty, Dr.Nightmare, Attorney-at-Law, has a huge gash out of her neck. It's out of licking distance and looks OK so far. I think they just played way too rough and she got her fur ripped out. Still, it was frightening and very pink.

OK, well, break time is over and I still have to have lunch and find pictures of kids on a swing set. I am planning to work on Meg's project until 7:00 and then I have to finish the painting in time for tomorrow's festivities. I also want to go wrap up some beer for the big birthday! Finally, he can go buy the beer every once in a while. YIPPY!!! Hope to see y'all out here tomorrow!!!!!! Happy fucking December!