30 December 2003---9:11p
MUSIC TO BLOG TO: Duran Duran "Rio"

Inspired by the always brilliant Meg-Dog, I am going to have to slap together a "favorites" list, eventhough this was a rather disappointing year all around, especially where pop culture is concerned. So in order to account for a margin of error, this list may end up being edited in the next 24 hours when I can invest more thought into it. Here's the skeletal draft for y'all to enjoy:

BEST SONG: It's a tie between Drain the Blood by The Distillers and Comabt Baby by The Metric. They're both lyrically and musically fabulous though I can't really say I feel highly about either band at the current time. When I saw The Distillers, I naively thought Brodie Armstrong was a man in a bra and as y'all know, she's on my bitch slap list. But it seems as though divorce resurrected some iotas of talent. Good show, old gal! As for The Metric song, the video which was airing on MTV actually woke me out of a sound sleep and I had to write down the song information because I was mesmorized.

BEST SHOW: I thought long and hard about this and really came up with squat so by default, I'm going to go with Day 3 of the Heavy Rebel Weekender. Though it was not a rocker all the way through, it did introduce me to both Rocket 350 and my darling Torr Skoog and The Kings of Nuthin'. They were both insanely incredible live performances and made the whole weekend worth while (and there were some serious downsides). My obsession with The Kings grows more and more every day and their album and EP rarely leave my car CD player. Top notch!

BEST ALBUM: Now this is a DEFINITE default category. There wasn't a SINGLE album that came out this year that impressed me. It was a sad and rather pathetic year for new music, yes sir. I would have said "Sing the Sorrow" by AFI but seeing as it came out in March and I didn't really start liking and appreciating it until September...I think that's too long of a growing period. So, in replacement, I'm going to have to award the prize to "Full Leather Jacket" by Teen Idols which was actually released in 2000. But HEY, I didn't hear it or get it until this year so...that's good enough for me. It also barely leaves my CD player. That band lost everything when they got rid of their singer. I can almost say I'm glad they broke up (but I can wish I had seen them live before they went to Hell).

BAND OF THE YEAR: Duh. If you expected me to say anything other than They Might Be Giants, then you're retarded and know nothing about me. Sure, they didn't release an album this year and I didn't see them live BUT they did release a DVD and a children's book. Multitalented fellas, those 2 Johns. I love them. They'll be #1 in my book every year!

BEST SURPRISE: Another tie category featuring Los Straightjackets (sure, I missed the encore, but they amazed me for an hour and a half and I'm not a fan of instrumental tunes so that was an unsurpassable feat) and The Swingin' Neckbreakers. In honor of their fan-fucking-tastic performance in November, I must encourage EVERYONE who hasn't seen them live to check them out at the Beachland Ballroom on the 17th of January. They are so high energy and they do some rad ass covers. It should be a good time for anyone regardless of what kind of bands you're into. Make sure you wear your dancing shoes. You won't be disappointed.

So for now, I say TA DA, and bid farewell to this disappointing year. GOOD RIDDANCE!!! (I sneezed 17 times during this entry).

29 Decemeber 2003---10:41p

I woke up with a sore throat which has developed into a runny nose coupled with sneezing, coughing, and heavy limbs. There's been a lot of orange juice in my cup today and plenty of used tissues are scattered on my living room floor. So much for painting, cleaning, or party preparations. I got a cold and it rots.

I am downloading far too many Lionel Richie songs. I'll blame it on my cold.

Luckily, news of the Swingin' Neckbreakers return to Cleveland on the 17th has made the corners of my mouth face upwards, fashioning a smile. I hope they play "Ice Cold Water" and cover "Don't You Just Know It" by Huey 'Piano' Smith and the Clowns. I think that was the best cover I ever heard.

January 31st at teh Outpost in Kent, Lords of the Highway and Kill the Hippies in celebration of my birthday. be there or be disowned.

Saturday night magically transformed from a tiny and intimate gathering to a full out event featuring many drunks including one Midnight Skater who ripped off his shirt while dancing to Journey and said, "Any man who leaves his shirt on during this song is a pussy!". It was classic. He later fucked an onion ring with a bottle of salad dressing. Even later than THAT, he ate a ranch dressing slathered Hershey's bar. Some people spent the day nursing their hangovers. I, for once, was not one of them.

My "Degrassi: the Next Generation" marathon did not tape. What's that aboot?

26 December 2003---4:36p
MUSIC TO BLOG BYL Cramps "Live at the Beachland Ballroom"

Thank the precious and magnificent baby Jesus that the Christmas season was officially over at midnight. Christmas makes me violently sick to my stomach and as I sit here, I feel as if I could expell the contents of this morning's breakfest all over my keyboard. I should have just stayed in my bed for the past few days in a state of warm and comfortable hybernation. I did get a beautiful framed autographed picture of Johnny Cash that I might have otherwise not recieved but I like to pretend that it was just for being so damn great and not as a Christmas gift. That's what I'm going to keep telling myself every time I look at it. God bless you, Johnny Cash.

If I ever start a band and we have an album, I am going to call it "My Daughter Wants to Join the Eva Braunies". Is that in bad taste?

Slightly over an hour until the "Degrassi: the Next Generation" marathon begins and my head is already in a tissy with excitment, anticipation, and just a little pinch of fear. Can we actually call it a "marathon" when it takes a pause at 5:00am to include the morning Noggin line-up including new doses of Sesame Street? I rue the day I ever got digital cable. I am too wrapped up in the lives of these damn Canadian melodramatic fruits. Pfffft.

I spent the day buying decorations and various goodies for the "2003/2004 Rock-n-Roll Prom". I have to admit that I think I am getting too excited for my own blood pressure. There's nothing like streamers, balloons, and annoying poppy things to drive a person right over the seasonal edge.

And a big, warm and fuzzy CONGRATULATIONS to one Queen B who became an engaged woman on Christmas Eve. I welcome her with open arms to the Married Old Broads club. Pretty soon, she'll be someone's "Old Lady" and I'll no longer be alone. I look forward to the gigantic PAR-TAY she plans to have to celebrate her nuptials. There's nothing like a wedding reception to make a person turn into a raving fool. It must be the open bar. I wonder who will be next...Meg-Dog? Miss Kinney, maybe? Romance is in the air. Try not to choke on it.

24 December 2003---12:06p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY:Pavement "Wowee Zowee"

I am in the negative regarding how much Christmas spirit I have this year. I'm hoping this day just flies by with minimal disturbances. I can't believe I even painted my nails (fingers AND toes). For what? I'm getting gussied up for a series of holiday events that I can't stand. HMPH! I'm Grinch-ing it up and that's that.

Pirate and I exchanged gifts last night out of sheer boredom. I got 3 sets of Tim Burton's Toxic Toys, a stuffed Frankenwienie dog, the Spike Jonze DVDs that I wanted, and a Vargas shower curtain with pin-up girls all over it. We're going to repaint our upstairs bathroom just to match it. I have one more surprise present coming today since Pirate left it at work last night. I like presents. Presents are good food!

I get to wear my very stylish and brand new Gloria Vanderbilt heels today. The odds are very high that I trip or slip and eat dirt.

My nephew was filling me in on his interpretation on why girls are worthless. From what I gathered from his very informative and entertaining speech, if girls aren't crying, they're complaining. If they're not complaining, they're crying. Sometimes they manage to combine both. I had to concede and admit that this is very true so he better just get used to it if he ever wants to get a gal in a compromising position. I decided to tell y'all about this because I plan to complain, albeit briefly, int he next paragraph.

Is this holiday hoopla over YET!?!?! I'm just not emotionally or physically prepared for the demands that will no doubt be placed upon me. ARGH!

Outside the carolers start to sing. I can't describe the joy they bring. Cause joy is something they don't bring me. My girlfriend is by my side. From the roof are hanging 'cicles of ice. Their whiny voices get irritating. It's Christmas time again.

So I stand with a dead smile on my face. Wondering how much of my time they'll waste. Oh god I hate these Satan's helpers. And then I guess I must've snapped because I grabbed a baseball bat and made them all run for shelter.

It's Christmas time again. It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year. I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer. You people scare me. Please stay away from my home. If you don't wanna get beat down just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

Well I guess it's not cool to freak on Christmas Eve cause the cops came and arrested me. They had an unfair advantage. AAnd even though the jail didn't have a tree Christmas came a night early cause a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package (hot damn)!

It's Christmas time again. It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year. I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer. You people scare me. Please stay away from my home. If you don't wanna get beat down just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

I won't be home! I won't be home for Christmas! I won't be home! I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)!!

23 December 2003---1:14p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Sockeye "Barf On a Globe"

BIRTHDAY NEWSFLASH: I heard a rumor (actually it was on the Kill the Hippies website) that Lords of the Highway, Kill the Hippies and more TBA (PLEASE be LESTER! It will be like a less dirty Mantis reunion and a return of my birthday shows...4th annual!!) will be playing at The Outpost here in ye old Kent on Friday, January 30th. What a PERFECT way to ring in the big 2-5?!? I am SOOOOO excited that I could literally relax my bladder right here in this chair.

Just figured I'd give y'all the heads up. Attendance cancels out the need for gifts!

23 December 2003---9:07a

Man, this year has been such a total bummer. I can't wait to kick it's lousy ass out the door and welcome a year which couldn't POSSIBLY be any worse (unless a mummy was resurrected and it ate my eyeballs)! We can only go UP from the pits of this gooey and pathetic HELL-like casm to which we have descended. Bottom line: 2003 and the age of 24 BLEW ancient goats and I'm more than glad to be almost rid of it. If only the Christmas season would also follow suit and jump off the holiday bridge. Like the rest of the greedies out there who don't give a fig (that's right...a FIG), I just want to get my presents and black out until New Year's Eve to only wake up for a few party hours and then black out again. Is that so much to ask?

45 days until my birthday which is by FAR my favorite day of the year. It's on a Saturday and I'm going to be the big 2-5 so I expect this to be phenomenal and mind blowing. Last year, everyone was kind of blah when we were supposed to be out celebrating...myself included. Well, except for maybe Meg-Dog who was still riding the Vanilla Stoli and Coke train. She was F-U-N. Anyway, I expect the event to be dazzling this year, even if we do just end up back at the bars a la last year. I love my birthday mroe than anything and I felt let down last year...for which I am at fault. So I have a whole year to make up for. Bring it on, y'all!

Starting Friday night and running ALL WEEKEND LONG: Every Episode of "Degrassi: the Next Generation" Ever Marathon! I'm going to tape it so don't fret. DAMN, if only I didn't have rockin' Saturday night palns, I would baracade myself in the house all weekend. How cool and/or lame is THAT? I am dedicated.

I wasn't ready to get up. My body is hating right now.

19 December 2003---4:39p

Last week, Tony Rocky Horror commented on what nice pre-wedding initals I had (LP). I had never even considered the link between my initials and RECORDS. How is it possible that I could be so slow? Must have been all the drugs I did in the 60s. Either way, thanks TRH. They are pretty rad initials if I do say so myself...after hearing it from someone else.

Upon telling The Knife (whom my mother is determined to find a girlfriend for, sheeeesh) that I downloaded Jermaine Stewart's "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off To Have a Good Time" for the Rock-n-Roll New Year's Prom he said, Good song. Big lie. Oh, that Knife!

The new US magazine came. Cat nap to follow.

18 December 2003---8:16p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Los Straitjackets "The Casbah"

Upon glancing at an old picture of me and Queen B (where for whatever reason she's holding me and a package of beef patties...I'm guessing we were drunk), it came to my attention that someone has STOLEN my CHARLES BRONSON T-SHIRT! What NERVE! It's probably been years since the culprit escaped. This is seriously bugging me. It was one of my favorite shirts! DRAT!

18 Decemeber 2003---12:08p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Micheal and the Messengers "Romeo and Juliet"

I've been experiencing this musical nagging all month long where all I am drawn to listen to is New Bomb Turks, the Devil Dogs, Nine Pound Hammer, the Reatards, and the Ripoffs. I feel like Switchblade has somehow infected my bloodstream but that's alright because I'm rockin' out in my head all day long...though for a split second "A Little More Love" by Olivia Newton John snuck in and has since been flushed. While on the topic of musical babble, I had the New Bomb Turks "Stick It Out" 7-inch that featured Stick It Out, (Still) Never Will...probably my FAVORITE NBT song, and Job (originally by the Nubs) and it was the most insane shade of crystal clear blue ever. But what hyped me up the most about this record, which spent endless hours on my piece of shit turntable, was that the cover picture was of Roddy McDowell from Planet of the Apes fame and it was taken by Dennis Hopper...he was given photo credit. I can't explain why but that trivial factoid excited me from the first second I took the time to read the back.

Hasil Adkins' voice is one of the single most obnoxious things I've ever heard.

I had a dream that I was a ghost that was hopelessly haunting Brad Pitt by sending him messages through pop songs. He had a vision of me, as a ghost, on a runway at a strip club dancing (burlesque show-like) to "Ain't To Proud To Beg" by the Temptations. I don't even know if it's worth it to mention that Al Pacino and Robert Deniro were part of my routine because that just sounds crazy...but it's true. There was a lot of fish-eye lense stuff which makes me sea-sick, even in my dreams. Sure, this was no "Tap dancing with Christopher Walken to the Everly Brothers", but it was damn close.

I can't wait for the New Year's Eve Rock-n-Roll Prom. Rad. Gnarly. Tubular. Stoked.

I am getting a tattoo of a rotten robotic heart surrounded by dead flowers with lyrics from "Heart of Chrome" encasing it. If you think I'm talking about the song by Kiss, you deserve to be beaten to death...with an egg beater. That would be a long and frustrating death for both parties.

P.S. The Persuaders version of "Heart of Chrome" is even better than the Reatards. If I was in a band, I would cover this song at EVERY show! It may be one of the best songs I've ever heard musically, lyrically and vocally.

16 December 2003---3:38p

I'm not going to go into any gorey details about the weekend because it will be too emotionally and physically draining and personally, I've had enough of that. So the bottom line is that Pirate is back, both back home and back on board with this relationship, as far as I can tell. Things have seemed almost...normal. In fact, at times, it's seemed even better than normal. However, we're discussing our pending May nuptials when he gets home from work. He said there are things we need to talk about and also added that at that moment, he didn't know what he wanted to do which stings a little. But I decided to get my chin up and not mope. We'll see how it goes when he gets here. Maybe I can ease his mind with the rotessierie chicken I'm making. HELL YEAH! It's back!

My obession with "Degrassi: the Next Generation" is going too far. I want to adopt Emma and raise her as my own. I don't think I can do that with someone who's a fictional character. However, she is a fictional character that has survived over a decade! I love you, Emma Nelson!

I'm already tired of writing. I've been tired a lot. I'll try and be more enthusiastic tomorrow. ALOHA, Y'ALL!

P.S. Anyone who is not coming to my New Year's Eve prom is a fool.

12 December 2003---10:38a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Kings of Nuthin' "Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'"

Yesterday's menu consisted of one chicken finger, one potato skin, 3 bites of lettuce, and 4 bites of life cereal. Some of it made a reappearance last night and the rest followed suit this morning. The suffering continues.

I had 2 dreams about Pirate last night. In one, we were having some serious, heavy duty sex in a hotel room. I was pretty effed up when I woke up from that one. In the second one, I came home from being away and he was waiting for me with candles and flowers, etc., trying to patch things up. I would like to think that that one would also end in some ultra rowdy sex but I woke up before it was revealed, again feeling pretty fucked in the heart.

I got a nice and very supportive e-mail from Lisa Marie this morning. I just poured my heart out to her even though I had reservations (she is very close to Pirate). I just figured, hey, it's the truth and I don't care who knows it. I miss him and eventhough I feel unfairly abandoned, I want him back. It's pretty cut-n-dry. While I'm at it, I'd like to thank everyone who has e-mailed, called, visited, put me up for a few days, driven me home drunk...I really appreciate each and everyone one of you. And just how I knew I was in love with Pirate but didn't figure out quite how intensely until my world exploded...well, I knew I had rad friends but now I know exactly how rad and I appreciate each and every one of you. Um, you may want to print this page out because I don't get mushy too often.

I have not been kissed by my Pirate in 8 days (insert heart shattering noises here).

Los Straightjackets tomorrow! YEEHAW! I am ready, y'all! I am party material! I plan on being in such rare form that you might say, "Who is this gal? This certainly isn't our Sourpuss!". Now mind you, it will all be a facade to hide the pain, but it will be so convincing! I've been practicing!

I have to go work out. My exercise is the only thing I love these days. And Adavan. God damn it, I love those Adavan!

11 December 2003---12:53p
MUSIC TO BLOG TO: Weston "Got Beat Up"

Grap a knife, push in in, pull out, push it in and stab me in the back. Take my heart, rip it out, stomp on it, throw it out, got a fist right through my back.

I have to add a few songs to yesterday's list:
All Out of Love - Air Supply
Retarded - Weston
I'm Not the One & When I Hear Your Name - Teen Idols

My first night away from Pirate is over and contrary to popular belief, I have survived. As you may know, I am in Columbus for now and then I will be temporarily relocating to a hidden location (very Cloak & Dagger) to finish this ridiculous grieving. If anyone would like to feed my cats, please feel free to contact me. I have suspiciously hidden a key just in case I had to go to a looney bin). Anyway, I had to take some crazy prescription drug (that was not prescribed to me, mind you) to fall asleep and luckily, it induced a nice coma where I didn't have to think about anything. Before I passed out, I watched the most depressing episode of Southpark. Not only was I watching it without Pirate for the first time, but Butters' "girlfried" left him and he was sobbing his little heart out talking about the horrific pain. Sure, he said some stuff about how the pain made me feel alive because to feel pain you have to know happiness but that's bullshit. The pain makes you want to be dead. Stupid cartoon.

In lighter news (ha ha), I have lost 10 pounds on the break-up diet and I have been staring at myself longingly in the mirror saying, "Who's that foxy?" and "Nice rack, baby!". I guess if I have to go through this bullshit foolishness, I might as well go through it with a flatter tummy and tighter thighs, right? Right? Do I sound like a crazy person? I have to go workout in a few minutes so none of this hard work goes to waste.

I really hate all of this retardedness. The pain is just so incredible that I don't even know how to describe it. I brought all my school books (they're letting me make-up my finals next semester because I am having a "personal tragedy"), all my art supplies, all my music, all my laundry...I have plenty to keep my head occupied but there's not much for my heart to do but hurt and simultaneousy try to pump blood. Soon blood with be coming out of my ears and eyes and THAT will be S-E-X-X-Y!!! My mom and my therapist were worried about me "doing something stupid". Come on now...I have to be around to hear Pirate grovel when he realizes how stupid this all is and how much he hurt me. Selfish? YES, and my selfishness comforts and caresses me.

Congrats to Meg-Dog and Tony Rocky Horrow who might FINALLY get things on track. LORDY, what will I do with you two crazy kids! All in all, I want Meg to have what she wants and if she wants TRH, I hope she gets it. Good luck, guys.

I had a very "Reality Bites" moment when I discovered a pair of sock and a t-shirt that belong to Pirate. Fuck.

Meg-Dog and I are drinking, heaving/puking, puzzle doing, CD alphabetizing nerds. It needs to be put into print for all of eternity so it can not be denied in the future when we are the rulers of Earth. Yes, we were once nerds. Prepare for punishment.

I have a hot date with two sexy studbuckets on Saturday (and another hot date with THREE sexy pantie wetters on Tuesday night for 80s Night at the Pirate's Cove!!!). Sure, it just happens to be with Brodie and Switchblade (and possibly, for dancin', The Knife) but I still consider them "studbuckets" and I still consider pre-planning to go to a certain event together "a date". We're going to see Los Straightjackets and The Legendary Shackshakers at the Beachland. I may not be hip on instrumental but I'm hip on the scene and the "eye-candy", HAR HAR HAR (I'm being sarcastic. My heart and head control my eyes and they are both full of blood right now. I'll be wearing clotted contacts)). I'm getting a designated driver so I can rock my bobby socks off as musci provides great comfort (maybe not Air Supply or "Happy To Be Stuck With You" by Huey Lewis...but angry music helps). We're going to have a rockin' and rollin' time. I'm going to let "Baddest of the Bad" be my theme song for the night. I'm going to step outside of myself and mingle and meet people. Bell of the Ball type shit. And I'll have my favorite dancing partner, Brodie, with me!! I'm counting down the days, yo! YEEHAW, Mothertruckers!!! My "Maneater" undies are freshly washed! Good timing.

Who am I kidding? Its easy to say these things when you no longer have a heart.

Someone spoke your name again.It took me back to a time when we...we were more than friends.
I realize I was staring at the floor and all my friends keep telling me...I do it more and more.
I try so hard to push you from my mind and get a grip on life and then you're slowly slippin' away.
But in my room I sit by the window in a chair and remembering you sitting there with your picture in my hand!

10 December 2003---2:08p

The heart pumps until it dies...

I drank until I puked! I get a gold star for my ability to temporarily numb intense pain!!! And a silver star for makign everything worse by being human and CRYING because LORD KNOWS that that just make things harder on the poor PIRATE! ARRRRRRR!

F this F'ing S, man. I'm getting a raw deal and therefore, I'm getting the F out of this S'y joint. I'm going to Killoumbus where people don't F'ing suck S like they do here.

Do I sound hostile? You bet I F'ing do! You try to do your best and you get your heart F'ing destroyed. Everything is F'ing lame!

I'll be back on Saturday so I can go to Los Straightjackets where I have already promised not to drink until I F'ing puke and FOR GOD'S SAKE, no F'ing WHISKEY! Maybe I'll go home with a man in a luchador mask.

And if you shift away all the anger, I still want things to be back how they were. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! I DON'T DESERVE THIS S! Boys F'ing SUCK A!!! ARRRRRRRRR!

Yesterday I wanted to check myself into a mental hospital. Maybe I'll do that AFTER Los Straightjackets so I don't miss out. Maybe I can hang myself in a mental institute closet like that guy who hosted Family Feud! HOORAY!

Songs that are BANNED until Pirate realizes he's an F'ing A!
Miss You When You're Gone - Cranberries
The Scientist - Coldplay
Brick - Ben Folds Five
True Romance/Cupid's Victim - Tiger Army
Let's Stay Together - Al Green (our song...what a joke)
Kath - Sebadoh
Drain the Blood - Distillers
Heart of Chrome - Reatards (cover)
Almost anything by AFI from 2000 on.

I'm alive in uterine.
A star in the dark. A new day has dawned.
Open up and let it flow.
I'll make it yours so here we go.

8 December 2003---5:21p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Reatards "Grown Up Fucked Up".

Riding on the coat tails of a very brilliant and bright Meg "I'm too good for this" Dog, I have decided to take a potentially devastating situation and turn it into a ultimately destructive and disastrous evening of F-U-N! Buzzed, snickering drunk, hilarious drunk, ass slappin' drunk, beligerant drunk, yelling drunk, crying drunk, puking drunk, and an encore presentation of crying drunk. I'm wearing fishnets! I'm wearing a skirt! I'm wearing make-up! My husband is trying to leave me because I am a human being! YEE-to the Mother Truckin'-HAW!!!

Did I mention that my husband is trying to leave me and is taking a "break" from our "marriage"? It was fun playing house. Tonight I will play the role of the drunk, angry, scorned house wife! Marvel at my rage!

I'm never getting married again. I will be going home with every bartender and rockasilly I can stomach.

Though I don't want Meg-Dog to be sad and weepy, I'm glad I don't have to go through this alone. I'm glad that she is more than willing to drink herself into oblivian with me. I should tell my friends that they are good friends on more day-to-day occassions rather than just when they pick up the pieces of my fractured life and/or heart.

Sufefring from anxiety and panic attacks makes me hurt other people. I learned this today! HOORAY!

Dr.Tom, who asked me if I was suicidal and I LIED, told me that Christmas is going to suck ass for me this year. And you have to have a PhD to figure these things out, eh? Retelling the story really blew. Actually, I think the situation blows more. Missing my Archaeology final blows the most. I hope Satan has a nice hot seat waiting for me in Hell. I think I told my future ex-husband to burn there today. YARF!

I miss my Pirate. I want my life back.

IF ANYONE WANTS TO BE A TOP NOTCH FRIEND, WE (Meghan and I, the scorned duo) WILL BE AT THE LOFT CRYING INTO OUR BEERS. I, ESPECIALLY, NEED ALL THE SUPPORT I CAN GET. MY CELL WILL BE ON!

8 December 2003---3:46a

Another night of sitting up and crying. I'm beginning to think things will never be the same again.

6 December 2003---3:12p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Sebadoh "Harmacy"

I am no longer in a state of becoming unhinged. In fact, I think I may be too tightly hinged at this very moment and I might benefit from being oiled. That sounds dirty but believe me, that was not my intention. Thanks to all my safety nets for being ready to break a potentially hazardous fall. Balance has been restored.

My favorite part of Pirate's rather nap-inducing birthday celebration last night HANDS DOWN was when Switchblade almost ate dirt after he tripped over a "dog" which was really a cat and actually thought that someone was tackling him. This was closely followed with someone at the shin-dig not knowing what a labia was! As everyone else was rolling in hysterics over this he said, Does everyone else know what it is? Oh man, good times. Good pants-wetting times.

No one has the capability to rile you up like your mother. It's practically in the job desciprion. It's like mothers have radar...they know exactly when you're actually feeling pretty good and steady and they swoop in and shit everywhere wildly. It's disgusting and I can not stand for it anymore. The gloves are coming off.

I arranged a bowl of fake fruit today and it was the most artistic and cathartic thing I'd done all week!

Welling up in my throat. I love you, you must know. There's not much that needs fixin'. I can't quit when I'm addicted. I guess there's no use really 'cause...'cause there's nothing like a real thing.

4 December 2003---1:33p

Stay tuned to watch me slowly become unhinged.

2 December 2003---10:12a

R.I.P. Grandpa Pirate. I'm sure Pirate didn't expect or want to couple his birthday with the mourning of the male figure in his life. I wish I was better at comforting because I really don't think opening a few birthady gifts early eases the pain of loss. This is the pits.

This is where I'd normally welcome in the new month but who wants to praise December which makes body parts freeze and/or shrivel in agony? Not I, sir. Winter rots. Winter is like an open, oozing, gushing, stinky sore that everyone is faced to look at and try not to vomit in the presence of (but later recounts nightmares of). It is this cursed winter that will be keeping me from seeing They Might Be Giants in Chicago on Friday because the snow gods find solace in frowning on me and will no doubt create a horrific path filled with intense obstacles much like in The Odyssey, preventing me from making it to my destination without strife. Bottom line: winter ruins my life every year.

I am running away the week after next (but I will be back, you silly geese)! I feel like I am 16!

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